September 2011
Really admire your efforts. Its hard enough dealing with your own mortality. I think youre a hero doing this for others. You might not think you are but I sure do!
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September 2011
Hi there again computer. Can't sleep so I thought I might as well write another blog entry. Today wasn't such a bad day. Dad came up and helped out around the house and garden for a while. The fiance came over and later on I went round to hers and had dinner. Back pain was quite severe today but I managed to soldier on and ride to the shops and back twice. No diagnosis yet but starting to worry about the back pain and whether its related to cancer or just stress. Worried also that I might be making something out of nothing. What if it's not even cancer. Not coping well emotionally. Started looking at a facebook group on lung cancer and there were just way too many stories of people dying from it. I need to start sharing with other people in person but havent been able to find a support group yet in my area. If I could do one thing right now i would go over to my fiances place and fall asleep in her arms. Even though we'ere engaged I still feel rather alone in this empty house on my own
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September 2011
Have to agree with you, it is small things I am taking more notice of now. Everyone is so good, dad is outside doing the lawns at the moment, hes just the best dad, though im sure im biased 🙂 Today I am feeling so worn out and just want to lie down. Have had the worst back pain lately. Probably just stress. Looking forward to the engagement party, it's on grand final day, guess I'll soon find out who my real friends are haha. Though it is at night so they should have plenty of time to get over collingwood losing to my team (St Kilda) 🙂 The Cancer Support line called me this morning. Great to talk to someone openly about things. How are you going by the way?
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August 2011
Things are finally starting to move along now. I have a date set for my biopsy, its on thursday the 8th september. They are going to remove one of the lymph nodes from my right shoulder area. Went and saw the day surgery unit to complete all the paperwork. One of the nurses there was so nice to me. When she realised what I might be facing she put her hand on my arm and asked if I was alright. Well that just set me off. I couldnt hold the emotions back anymore and had a good cry. She even gave me a hug which felt really special when a lot of the people so far have been quite clinical about it all. Made me feel like a human being again, doesnt take much 🙂 I spent the rest of the day wandering around town in a bit of a daze I guess. I went and made an appointment to see my doctor the week following the biopsy. I want her to tell me the results not the hospital, that way I can have some of my family and my fiance with me when I get the news. Came home and slept for a few hours and then made arrangements for our engagement party. Dad was so nice he has offered to pay for it as an engagement present. It will be a good distraction for me as well organising things. Starting to hate being alone in this house now.
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August 2011
Just thought I'd update my blog entry. Got engaged over the weekend, so happy. My back is killing me today for some reason. Don't know what that could possibly be from 🙂
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August 2011
Just thought I'd update my blog entry. Got engaged over the weekend, so happy. My back is killing me today for some reason. Don't know what that could possibly be from 🙂
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August 2011
Yeah, shes a wonderful mum 🙂 We're quite alike her and I. I think I have got her emotional genes. We both have a cry over the phone to each other. I have told my parents there's nothing they can do to change things, the only thing I ask of them is that they will be there with me through the good and the bad which they have always been.
My dad did something pretty amazing the other day, he actually gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek when he left here from visiting. I cant remember him doing that in my whole lifetime!
Its sometimes hard to act normal, cos normal seems to change based on your circumstances. Dad has been giving me money, my brother sent up some money to pay for mine and my fiances dinner as well. Its hard not to feel guilty about it I guess, the feeling that people are giving me all these unexpected gifts all of a sudden. I guess I should just be grateful for having such a wonderful support network, just dont want people feeling sorry for me I suppose.
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August 2011
Thanks for the welcome Kim, nice to meet you. Engagement went great, I was very nervous but she said yes to my proposal. Yay! I cooked a roast chicken dinner last night for her and her children and we announced our engagement to them. I think they were a bit shocked, maybe not epxecting it 🙂 Will keep you all posted on how im going. We're going ring shopping today. Wednesday is a big day too, going to see the surgical team at the hospital for an initial consultation. Fingers crossed!
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August 2011
I havent got to the anger stage myself.. I guess not having a firm diagnosis helps at this stage though. I agree that it does put it in perspective when I see that there are others much worse off than myself. I guess that doctors might figure that younger people have a better chance of survival than those of us that are middle aged or older and people kind of accept that its normal at that stage of life, but not when you're just starting out in life hey.
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August 2011
I must confess that marriage does scare me a little the second time around. We have talked about it and came to an agreement that we would have separate rooms to sleep in some nights when we eventually end up living together. I think for me its important to keep the spark going and a bit of our own separate space in the house will be a good thing 🙂
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