Hi Sch   I just hit the 4 week mark yesterday. I feel like I've been complaining too much. So many other people going through some really tough recovery periods. I can't discount how fortunate I've been. The surgeon says my recovery is ahead of normal expectations. As this is my first surgery, I think it caught me by surprise. Realistically, the cancer never caused me so much pain.   I'll bounce back. I'm just frustrated how I can have a small discomfort, but with such a big emotional impact.   Cheers   Phil ... View more

And these are my special girls... Lucy and Sally.   Spoiled much?   ... View more

This post is a bit late. Catching up with the gravity of starting chemo.   As the Oncologist appointment got closer and closer, I got more active on this site. I think it was anxiety. But since the visit with the Oncologist , I've also had a visit with the chemo unit and my surgeon. What's the prognosis???   3 months chemo, starting next Wednesday. Two types, injected through a canulas and some tablets. There are 4 cycles. Each cycle is 3 weeks long.   The good news, 3 months is easier to recover from than a 6 month treatment. It's being moved forward, just short of 5 weeks post surgery. Ileostomy reversal is scheduled for early December.  It looks like I'll be starting 2020, in good health, cancer free and with a renewed outlook on life.   Bad news... chemo starts sooner and I am feeling just a tiny bit scared. It's been making some dents in my positive, happy go lucky attitude to beating this wretched disease. Took the wind out of my sails, so I've delayed posting about it.   I think the difficulty dealing with chemo is my mental blocker to consuming toxins that will damage me. I know! I know ! It also kills cancer. I have a mental blocker to taking drugs in general. Chemo is a whole new level.    I don't even want to talk about it anymore. I'll leave it there. Change the subject. I found my daughter walking Bonnie this afternoon. I saved them some energy and drove them home.   Pretty girl... Bonnie     ... View more

Hi Lampwork   Sorry to hear about your hospital experience. As if it's not bad enough being a cancer patient to start with. I think the best thing is just to put it behind you and focus on the path ahead.   I hope the radiotherapy is off to a good start for you and it's not as bad as the surgeon described. Moments are fleeting, even the bad ones. I'm hoping it becomes a distant memory for you soon and you can just get on with living.   I'm sorry I can't offer you much in the way of advice or support. Hang in there. All the best for you and the family.    Cheers   Phil ... View more

Hi Claire,   I like your idea of dancing, rather than fighting. Maybe it's a combo that's needed. A little Muhummad Ali. Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. And being nuts is not so bad. No one could blame you.   I think the flurry of medical appointment and chemo preparation has brought me back to this site. I've posted so much recently. I can't stop sharing . May I just need to shut up a little. But I'm glad I said something that helped you. I'm glad I'm getting something out of this site, but so much better if it helps others too.   Keep up the good dance. Smile if you need to smile. Cry if you need to cry. Scream if you need to scream. Post on the forum if you need to post.   Cheers   Phil ... View more

Hi Tarari   Having cancer is shit. It may impact you, but the nature of the beast, it takes down the people close to you as well.   When I was first diagnosed, my first reaction was to retreat inside myself and block everyone out. I soon found out that those closest to me were impacted too and they were not going to let me go through it alone. I shared my news with close friends and family and found an overwhelming response for support. One of the first things I got from this website, don't block people out. And when I went for surgery, one of the nurses pointed out that I should let my pride stop people from helping me, despite how much my independence demands I block them out. I shouldn't be afraid to ask for help, as it's only a short term need.   My wife is my best friend, but I think my cancer has impacted her more than me. I feel bad for causing her stress and I apologise. But how ridiculous to apologise for having cancer and loving someone to the point where they want to help and care for you?   I want to help my wife reduce her stress. I want to care for her, but at the same time, I need to remember that I'm the sick one. I have to swallow my pride and let her care for me. It's going to hurt her too because loves me. That's the nature of cancer.   Anyway, when people are stressed, they need an emotional outlet. They can't just keep bottling up. And it really sucks that it's easier to lash out at the people you love than with strangers. As far as arse-hats go, I've had a few for friends in my life, but still friends, nonetheless. Some friends you can keep close and others need some distance.   Obviously, there has been enough love there for her to help you so much; and for the tense outbursts. It is hard when you live together, but I think you need to find the best distance between the two of you. It's unfortunate to lose a friendship. Especially when you're both the victims of the same cancer.   I can't advise on letters or not. I can't advise the best words to use. But sometimes actions speak louder than words. Hugs are nice.    I hope that helps. Good luck with the rest of your treatment; and your friendship.   Cheers   Phil     ... View more

Hi Rick and Julia   I've met with my Oncologist and the lovely nurses in the chemo unit today. I had a lot of questions and hair loss was one of them.   My chemo starts next week. I was told to expect some hair loss. I shouldn't go completely bald, but it will thin out considerably. I mentioned it would be good if just the grey hair falls out. I don't know if it's scientifically proven, but the nurse told me the grey hair won't fall out. That will be the only hair that stays. I kind of believe her.   A shave might be in my near future. Who want's to do the honours?   Cheers   Phil     ... View more

Hi Captain    You summed up the monster well. It keeps going around and around for me. My cancer has been removed. I'm essentially cured. But I'm a cancer patient for life. I am about to start chemo. I'll be dealing with the side effect for however long.    And I think I've got off light!   Yay'!   But it's kind of like I did die. I'm a different person now. I don't live for the same reasons now. I've had to face things I never imagined I would. The rollercoaster is still traveling along at full speed. I'm confident I'll make it through okay in the end, but I'm not sure anyone get's off light. Compared to those with more serious conditions, sure, I think I'm lucky. But no one gets off light. I'll never be that guy again, he is gone now. I don't mind. I think I've become a better person.   Maybe I should thank the monster. I have a new perspective on life. I like the new me better. And while the monster may not kill me in the short term, it seems I'll never shake it either.   Well done on getting through your treatment. I hope your side effects improve. All the best for you and the family.    Cheers   Phil             ... View more

Hi SpunOut   Staying positive would be a real challenge for you. Drawing from my experience, I am finding it difficult. I have stage 3 bowel cancer. Just met with the Oncologist and I'm starting chemo next week. I feel like a bit of a tool. Reading your story and many of the other hard cases on this site, it makes my cancer seem like a walk in the park by comparison. Yet, being positive is still a challenge for me. I've been fighting off depression the last few days. The whole chemo thing is very confronting.    When I've not been feeling positive, I've mostly been angry or depressed. I kind of think they are the same thing but anger has energy, where depression has none. Anger seemed to work for me, but not advocating that it was particularly good for me. Someone else on this forum advised me to channel the anger against the cancer. That helped, but I was kind of doing that already.   Anyhow, I don't know if I'm offering much in the way of support. I wish I could tell you everything will be alright. I am not the kind of person to patronise others with unrealistic sentiments. You have a tough battle ahead and it's a real shitty situation. Hang in there and keep fighting. I think everyone on this forum will tell you that cancer has altered their lives significantly. Things will never be the same. You will need to reinvent yourself as you move forward. I hope you emerge from this experience as a stronger person with a grounded view on the important things in life.   Stay strong. Don't give up.   Phil   ... View more