Know I should feel happy but feel sick to base of my stomach and hardly slept last night.  Part of me knows I should go to work but part of me wants to go and spend the day with my husband. ... View more

Family meeting went really well which is such a relief.  My step son and I asked couple of questions about possible impacts of stopping chemo which were answered in common English.  His oncologist said that chemo isn’t working for my husband and that he has placed note on his file that there is to no more chemo without consulting him.  My husband also verbally said he doesn’t want any more chemo.  His oncologist is happy to see him for ongoing appts which my husband wants to do as he is comfortable with him.  Palliative care doctor also attended the family meeting which was great.  She asked questions of his oncologist and senior nurse.  She has taken him off some of his medications as they were giving him hallucinations and night tremors and is replacing them with others.  She has also written into his chart medication that will help heal his mouth ulcers.  Senior nurse advised she expects he could be in hospital for another week at this stage based on his mouth.  Oncologist mentioned he is concerned about too early a discharge as he is still neutropenia, again.  Within himself my husband is starting to get bit better as his humour is returning , so is his long term memory as he is remembering things from last weekend  ... View more

My husband has decided to stop having chemo.  When I think of his quality of life recently I can’t be happier. As members of his family have said, he needs to be at home and doing things that make him happy ... View more

He received electrolytes during the night which has brought areas of concern under control.  When I saw him tonight he is much happier in himself and is looking bit better.  We still have long way to come before drs will consider discharging this time due to mouth ulcers that appeared yesterday which are quite painful and preventing him from eating due to pain and talking properly .  His abdomen looks better.  His nurse said his legs are improving and are not concerning drs but I have verbally raised my concern about the amount of fluid in his legs knowing this can lead to chance of another infection.  My husband, myself , his dad and one of his adult children are having meeting in his room tomorrow with his oncologist, my husband wants his family present as support when he tells his oncologist he refuses to have any more chemo.  If conversation is successful this will be huge relief for everyone - I wasn’t happy last week when I knew he was having chemo less than a week out of hospital but my concerns were not listened to.  My husband told me tonight he felt like he get talked into have chemo last week by oncologist who was filling in for his regular oncologist.  I am so angry she didn’t listen to him last week, he might not have been back in hospital this week if his wishes had been listened to and acted on ie chemo cancelled last eek.  His nurse tonight advised she will try to get physio to see him tomorrow with prospects of him being able to get out of his single bed room and go for walk in the ward ...... he is mentally struggling and I know that being able to get out of his room with help lift his spirits even if only by small bits ... View more

I am scared my husband doesn’t have long to live.  Nurses are doing ecg at least twice a day.  Nurse last night told me there is some concerns his AF is getting worse.  When she manually took his pulse she counted 100 beats but said his heart rate is very erratic.  His stomach is swollen and his pain is all of a sudden getting worse.   ... View more

I don’t know how I currently feel except emotionally exhausted.  My husband was admitted to hospital again yesterday, 3rd time this year.  Each time with cellulitis and only couple of days after chemo.  He was feeling really good within himself on Friday and Saturday including coming grocery shopping with me.  Sunday he woke feeling tired and by mid morning his feet and legs were swelling, red colour from infection was happening and his temperature was rising.  Ed drs have suggested to focus on quality not quantity and reassess his chemo.  Two weeks ago when he was in hospital he asked to have a break from chemo but got talked into having chemo 6 days after his discharge.  Later this week we are having family meeting with his oncologist and my husband to discuss no more chemo and letting him enjoy the rest of his time at home with me and his elderly dad ... View more

My husband was admitted to hospital again last night due to infection.  I have hardly slept.  Dr in emergency has suggested we ‘reassess chemo and focus on quality of life’.  As dr last night agreed, we knew we would have bad periods f time but him having to be in hospital for up to a week each time and this having happened 3 times this year is too much. ... View more

I know what you mean.  Last night my husband got angry saying that I was pushing him away and that if I don’t want to be with him anymore to just say so.  I reminded him that it was himself during the last few days who has said about working on a project himself for his enjoyment only and that when I ask about the project we had been planning for the last couple of months to start, it was himself who said that we might get to it at some time but he just wants to work on this new project on his own.  After telling him how those words he hurt me and made me feel that I was not wanted and felt like he was pushing me away he burst into tears, during which I held his hand in attempt to comfort him.  Earlier tonight when I got upset and was crying he just sat beside me, no emotion, no attempt to comfort me, no nothing.    Times like this it feels like I have already lost my husband which hurts so much ... View more

When he sees me typing things my husband shows jealousy tendencies or gets nasty snapping, “ who you talking to now, telling everyone about the cancer aren’t you”.  He was never like this before starting chemo  ... View more