Hi Missy moo, I think one of the hardest things is when yout family doesn't understand that even though treatment is over you still aren't "better". Samex ... View more

Wow Bev, My eldest was 4 and 1/2 pounds born and that was small enough!! Isn't it amazing what we all can deal with when we have to. Leaving my first born in the hospital(long story) all on his own 20 years ago was harder than anything I have faced with cancer I think. I thought my soul was ripped from my body. Lots of hugs to you and your mum and lots of energy to your daughter!! S ... View more

My oncologist is very open and patient with me answering all of my questions when I ask them - particularly when I was having treatment. maybe I am out of line but should you consider talking to another oncologist? Perhaps your GP could help here. SAmex ... View more

Hi Bev, The whole colonoscopy thing isn't really a big deal for most people - just a little inconvenient. I have one every year and I'm at work the next day (someone has to drive me though due to the anaesthetic). I'm sure that with her heart history they will be very careful with the anesthetic but it is a very short procedure and she won't be out for long. If she has made it through all of those heart operations she'll be jumping around with those triplets in no time!! Just one other thing - not sure of her age but if she can take tablets as prep, I found taking the 60 tablets infinitely better than the goop. I know, however, that there is an age limit (something to do with hydration). I hope that all goes well and sorry I didn't respond earlier, Samex ... View more

How frustrating with Rob's chemo. It is the most absurd situation that chemo patients get upset when their levels are too low and the treatment has to be postponed. Oh my - you can't fill me with poison today?? Damn!! I took my laptop with me 2 times to treatment and each time the treatment was postponed - pack everything up, ring the appropriate people, go home and start again the next week. I only took it twice as I think it was a jinx. My mother -in -law didn't come to see me until I had been in hospital for 2 weeks - she didn't want to interfere. Maybe it has something to do with that aspect as well. Rest assured if she is feeding you , all is well. Good luck with the portocath nonsense - my picc line also looped up but no-one discovered it until they tried to take it out and had huge difficulty drawing it out. They then realised that was why they couldn't tkae blood from the line. Apparently no harm done - I'm still here!! Take it easy both of you, Samex ... View more

Hi Mrs Elton, Yes our lives have all changed forever and as a survivor I often wonder about the carers. It sounds as though the blogging has helped you - I know that it helped me to clarify things when they weren't going right. I only wish I had found it while on treatment. You sound as though you have a wonderful family and I know how hard it is when good friends are so far away. Talk to the friend who has been there. Possibly my greatest comfort was from my friend who lost her husband and a friend who was experiencing chemo at the same time. They get it. Take each day as it comes and be sure to find at least a little time for yourself at some point. Good luck, Samex ... View more

Hi guys, This is my dominant fear, but it is fading. Sailor I love the image of the shadow. When I was OS, even though I was with a friend whose husband had died from cancer 4 yeras ago, I realised one day, that I had spent the whole day not thinking about my cancer. It was a wonderful moment. My friend and i would often talk about the nature of the disease but I was able for the first time in 2 years to talk without the fear all the time. I hope that this moment comes for you too. Samex ... View more

Hi Missy Moo, When I finished treatment that was exactly how I felt, particularly as my husband believed that now it was all over everything would go back to the way it was. It never does ,however. That was when I found this site and realised after reading other people's experiences that I actually wasn't crazy. I returned to work - probably about a month too early as i returned to High School teaching effectively full time 4 weeks after treatment finished. The good thing was that it did bring me out of the self-centred nature of chemo and I had to go back to students and my own kids and just dealing with day to day stuff. In saying that, the limbo feeling has never quite left as my attitude to life is so different so I view even the normal things differently. And life still revolves around tests and dealing with the neuropathy in my feet everyday as reminders. My tests are every 6 months now, so the ability to feel "norma" is being stretched a little further. I didn't have any counselling when I finished and regret it. It is something that I feel quite strongly about in that we are so absorbed with what the cancer and what the treatment does to us that when we are cut loose we flounder. In short (via my ramblings) - you are perfectly normal!! My advice is to talk to others either professional or via cancer connect and try to re-establish yourself bit by bit. Take care, Samex ... View more

Alana, A good vent is ABSOLUTELY necessary! My journey was absolutely calm compared to yours and I was the patient! maybe it's because my husband and then 18 year old dealt with the whole thing by not really acknowledging it. However, the pump with the folfox did give my husband the ##***. Anyway, I am 2 years on now and all is loooking good. Hang in there and thank goodness there are fundraisers like you. There must be someone who can employ you as the organiser.Hope the night was fabulous. samex ... View more

Hi, Rob's story is oh so similar to my own. Not the getting married bit but the pain and the diagnosis etc. When I was admitted the second time I was fortunate to have surgeon and gastroenterologist who realised that they were missing somethhing and ordered a ct scan. This was after I had been constipated for about 3 weeks at least (my fault for not being seen to earlier) and then vomitting copiously to the point of an nasal gastric tube inserted. My scariest moment was on the Saturday lunchtime, the surgeon told me I wouldn't last until Monday and that he would be assembling his emergency team and surgery would be that afternoon. I had an angel of a nurse who did not leave my side all day and saw me through to the surgery. After recovery and finding out it was a malignant tumour and all of that I took some solace in that if the tumour hadn't behaved so erratically ( my bowel was being telescoped by the tumour - hence the pain and complete bowel shut down) the tumour would have merrily kept growing until the situation was even worse than it was. that was AUgust 2007.I survived the 6 months of chemo and have returned to work. IT was tough and I am left with neuropathy in my feet but I think that that is a better option than the alternative. I don't think that I have ever been angry about what happened - just saddened that it changed the direction and focus of my life so desperately. The good thing is though that I am more tolerant of people and small mistakes and that I see the world in a different, possibly better light. Rob is very lucky to have you and I agree, your marriage can survive anything now. Good luck to the both of you!!! samex ... View more