Caro, Those are lovely thoughts as to when we have our use by date. It is one way that we cna make some kind of sense of why some of us make it way past that date and others don't get to the starting line. Margro, I love the idea of 2 birthdays! If that is the case I have just had my second (does it go from diagnosis or end of treatment?) SAmex ... View more

Sailor and all, I so agree that it is important to tell the stories. For some of us, just the telling and the sharing is therapeutic. We often don't want to burden others who aren't in the same space with our thoughts but to talk to others I find so helpful. That's why I keep coming back here. I have a friend at yoga who is dealing with palliative treatment at the moment and when I was having treatment 18 months ago she was a wonderful listener as she understood the unsaid words. When she restarted treatment she once apologised for "going on about it". Of course I stopped her in her tracks and we continued to discuss the day to day stuff that others , try as they might, don't truly understand. Perhaps what Ruby's story tells us is that if we all take some time to share - whatever the forum- the ride may be little easier. Samex PS I hate waiting rooms as well, and we all have to spend so much time flicking through out of date magazines! I take my book. ... View more

Sailor - I hope that when they put the mask on and I drift off to noddy land that your T-shirt is what comes to mind. I then hope that the anaesthesist and surgeon wonder what the hell is she smiling about?? S ... View more

Hi Ruby, I am a high school teacher who finished treatment 18 months ago. I have teenage kids. I went back to work 4 days a week, 4 weeks after finishing 6 months of chemo. Big mistake. I also had to take on 2 year 12 classes. Big mistake again. I was so exhausted that I would cry nearly every morning because I could barely drag myself out of bed. Some days I could hardly stand in front of a class. My school was very good when I needed a day off but I had no sick leave left of course so was dipping into ny LSL and I was reluctant to have much time off with the yr 12 classes. I was involved in an enormous amount of extra- curricular activities but now do much less. I have a wonderful young energetic teacher who has taken on a lot of that, thank goodness. I love teaching and am able to retire in 2012. The reality is though, if I could have retire last year I would have. I am in a great super scheme that will make life easy for me as long as I last until 2012!! All is well so far. I struggle with the stress and the constant deadlines and resent the fact that teaching doesn't allow you to be selfish enough to try to fit enough to cope with the still lingering fatigue. So, take it slowly if you can, take nanna naps and find ways that suit you to develop some fitness if you can and learn to say "NO". Good luck, Samex ... View more

Oh Ruby what an ordeal for you. I remember vividly walking all alone (no-one was able to come with me) from radiology where I had my picc line inserted to oncology at the hospital, 5 weeks after surgery. There were the lazyboy chairs with a variety of people - older than me, younger than me, some looking very ill,others smiling and chatting.As the hours dragged by with the infusion slowly dripping into my line, I thought how can I deal with 6 months of this. Like you I looked around and thought that all of these people were in the same boat but the sense of being totally alone at that point was hard to swallow and cover with a brave smile. One of the hardest things for me was that I kept meeting people that I knew in the clinic - some my age, some older- most not going to make it, but like the gentleman you met, maintaining the facade. We would exchange hugs and wish each other the best. It was what was left unsaid that was important. On my treatment days my parents would always come and spend the last 2 hours(of a 4 and a half hour treatment) with me and take me to lunch. No matter how I felt I ate lunch and chatted with them as they didn't deserve any more grief than to see their daughter with a whopping great permanent canula in her arm being delivered toxic chemicals every 2 weeks. People always commented on how brave I was but I believe it has nothing to do with bravery. We go through what we do because there is no other viable choice. (Some may argue with this)So we present the "brave" smile and tell everyone we feel fine when all we want to do is cry. Continue to think of him and his chat to you and his openness. As you continue through this experience his smile may be something that you take with you. For me, it is those small moments that allowed me to stay sane through it all. Take care, Samex ... View more

But the calm interior hides the fear, Harker. What I find the hardest even now, is that so many other people close to me haven't caught on that I have changed and that the three monthly fear is real. Yes, I too lie Ruby to avoid the confrontation of the truth to some extent. And I thnak goodness that I found this site! S ... View more

Go for it Sailor!! perhaps a coffee spoon could be the collection item for each 3 mothly piece of good news.TS has a lot to answer for. Unfortunately in my house, I am the only one who finds the 3 monthly bloods significant. The others often forget. Consequently you lot will all be kept posted on bloods and colonoscopies! S ... View more

Me again on this forum. I am 2 years from diagnosis and while I am copping Ok with the physical nature of the job (as much as anyone does) I still don't cope as well with the stress as I would like. My school has been awesome and while I went back to work way too early(4 weeks after treatment finished - 4 days a week), I have been able to continue on 4 days and my boss has agreed to let me continue this next year. I was completelyupfront with high school kids and still refer to my journey when relevant in class. The reactions are often quite amazing - they see you as a real person! Samex ... View more

Glad to hear from you Dunedigger. Sorry to hear about the fatigue but hopefully all will be well. Go for it!! Samex ... View more

Harker and Sailor - what will poor Coke think of you guys. He'll wonder whether he's logged onto a mad house . What associate cancer with humour?What next? Hmmm, maybe he should join the writer's group - we're all a little mad are we not? Samex PS Welcome aboard Coke ... View more