Hello, I guess I just want to write something in a place where others know the feeling? Two days ago I got the call. The biopsy came back with atypia endometrial hyperplasia and cancer.   First off… Well this sucks, wth! When I first started this a few months ago I figured it would result in being told I have PCOS or endometriosis. I have struggled with my period ever since I was a teenager. Maybe it started as PCOS? I had most symptoms but NO cysts on my ovaries every time I tried to get help… But maybe it was once PCOS but it developed… to well ‘hey you have cancer’.   i don’t know how to feel.   I’m mad at a medical system that tells people with uteruses their periods are just like that, or it’s just your anxiety when you know yourself there has to be something wrong. I can’t just be crazy or weak. I shouldn’t be living like this.   I’m furious at the universe and a past that included trauma from abuse and a broken family. Like what do you mean?! I spent my childhood and 20s just trying to survive. My early 30s in therapy and untangling it all. And now what? Cancer?! ITS NOT FAIR!!! I feel like I haven’t lived yet. That every step has been a stupid struggle. I was JUST starting to try and grow when I got so much more sick. I was giving myself the space to meet myself. I worked out I was queer and asexual. I have never dated and never got the breathing room to question it all. And now it’s like a part of me, that is so ingrained into society as important where we’re told being what a cisgendered woman is, will be cut out. It’s just weird to navigate?   … But I’m also… happy? I’m happy because for the first time in a long time, despite the amount of bull, I realised I want to live… Suicidal thoughts have been a longtime friend from my past. But I feel like this is the first time in a good while I want to fight because I deserve a good life.   I’m relieved FINALLY someone believed me. It wasn’t just my mental health. There was only so much I could do on my own; and all the exhaustion, skipped work shifts, migraine attacks, crying sessions, and sense of lost control… it wasn’t my fault.   I know at the end of the day it’s a high survival rate for this type of cancer. It is uncommon to have it in my 30s, but it is hopefully treatable. But it doesn’t change the hurt and fear still.   There are two versions of me now. The person I was before and now the person with cancer. It will follow me forever; from suffering to survivor.   I had CT scans yesterday, and I’m waiting for my care team to be organised. I don’t know what happens next? But it’s wild to say ‘I have cancer’.   I guess thank you for listening little pocket of the internet void we’re all shouting into. If you took the time to get this far I appreciate it. I appreciate you, beautiful stranger, for sharing the weight for a moment. Thank you.   May we both be okay. I hope life can be gentle to you once more.   Stay strong. Stay kind. Stay here…   ... View more