Hi, that is a great idea - I think it is important for other carers/patients to know what has happened so that we can then help to support you. Take care Di xx ... View more

Hi Mel, You're doing the right thing. You're their mum, you know you kids best, so you will make the right decision. Good luck! Hope it all goes well for you. Di xx ... View more

Hi Just Me, I hope you dont mind, but I just wanted to mention on here that your beloved mum passed away so quickly and unexpectedly. I am so sorry. RIP mum. Di xoxox (big hugs) 😞 ... View more

Hi Tanya I'm so sorry to hear of your dad's passing, please accept my deepest sympathies. I'm sure he knew you were there with him, even though he was sedated. It will be hard to move on without him, but take comfort in the fact that there will be no more pain and suffering for him. 'To the world he was but one, to me he was the world!' Take care of yourself and your family. Di 😞 ... View more

Hi Nightcap I'm so sorry you are faced with this predicament, but I personally believe that honesty is the best policy. Children are very resilient and after the initial shock, you will probably find that they cope with everything OK. Your children are at an age where they would figure out that something was wrong anyway, so I advise to tell them everything......well, sorry I'll rephrase that, dont tell them the 'warts and all' stuff - they dont need to know that, but they do need to know that their dad is sick and that he is having treatment to try and make him better (or ..... I'm not sure of your ex's prognosis but if he has been given an estimate of how long he has - then the children should also be told) - this will then 'lay the foundations' for what is to come next. I would let your ex dictate when he wants to see the kids - if he feels up to it on his weekend, so be it! Please dont deny the children time with their dad as time passes so quickly. It's lovely to have happy healthy parents, but kids will also love you when your sick. Be guided by your ex and your children, unfortunately we cant and shouldnt shield kids from everything. Good luck Di xx ... View more

Hi Missy M They cant make your dad better unfortunately, but hopefully WE can make your pain less by being here for you! Sending big hugs Di :( ... View more

Hi Rach I am so sorry to hear of your mums death, but I am so glad that you got to spend some quality time with her - that is the most important thing and its what you will remember the most. All the nasty 'cancer stuff' memories will fade in time, but you will always remember the good times. Take care Di 🙂 ... View more

Hi I am so sorry to hear about your mum. I have sent you a private msg. Di 😞 (big hugs) ... View more

Hi Just Me god, what you have just said takes me back to when mum was diagnosed and her whole reaction to the cancer diagnosis. I know this is going to sound trite and so phoney, but I do relate to everything you have said and I do know what you are talking about. My dear old mum, who had never had a day's illness in her life, was admitted to hopital with pneumonia, then became very jaundiced and after about 1 week of tests, etc she was given her pancreatic cancer diagnosis. I will never forget sitting in hospital with her and the doc's came around and said, 'there is no treatment available for you, its too late for chemo or surgery, you have 3 months to live, go home and enjoy your family!' On the way home, mum said to me, 'I want to die and be with your father!', I made a joke of it and said, 'yeah right mum, your turn will come, when it comes!. From the moment we got home, she lost the will to live. We watched her 'go downhill' until she got to the stage that everything failed on her. This however, took 18 months, not the 3 months she was originally told. She would have still had a 12 month period where she could have enjoyed life, had she of chosen too. I still get upset when I think about the time that she wasted, laying in bed, waiting for death! I would often tell mum to get up, have some physio, etc but I could tell that she had given up, and I am still angry that the doctors told her she had 3 months. They are not God, they dont know - they can only give an educated guess......well sorry! but thats not good enough - some people just cant handle the truth, and my mum was one of those people. I can totally agree with you having a stern talk with your mum, just because she is terminal doesnt mean that you cant 'treat her normal' and tell her how 'things need to be' and you dont need to feel guilty (for want of a better word)that you have tried to get your point across. She has taken a huge step in agreeing to see a councillor, and baby steps at the moment are the way to go. The palliative care staff are wonderful people and I'm sure they will have her up and moving, as laying in bed causes so many problems with circulation, lungs, etc - maybe if she sees she can do things and move around, and you give her the option of coming to live with you WHEN she's a bit more mobile - this may be just enough to give her reason to live! You and your brother deserve a medal for what you have both done so far. I said in my ealier reply to you that I wouldnt recommend taking on the palliative care of a parent or loved one - but I just want to let you know that even though it was hard, I wouldnt have had it any other way. I was there holding mums hand when she took her last breath and I felt privelidged to have had that extra time with mum, but it was bloody hard because she wouldnt help in any way. If this is the road you choose, especially with a little child as well, then you must be prepared for what it will be like. You will basically have 2 little 'children' to care for. I can 'hear' from your words just how much you and your brother love your mum, and no matter what you both choose to do, your mum knows how much you love her! You cant cure her, but your love for her will live forever. I wish there was some way I could help all of you, but I can only hope that 'things' settle down a bit for you. Please dont be afraid to cry in front of your mum and discuss your fears and hers with her. You WILL have some more happy times with her, and you will also have lots of tears and frustration. Be guided by what the palliative care staff say and maybe you can 'make a big deal' out of telling your mum she can come home on day leave, etc once she has built up her strength, this way you and your brother are not abandoning her and you are giving her something to look forward to and to work towards. My heart is with you xoxo Di ... View more

Hi Frangipani on the lighter side, you could shave it off and start again. Just tell people you have lost your hair to chemo. I lost every hair on my body due to chemo, and I absolutely loved being bald. You have so much freedom (I will say I had never liked my hair anyway) - no shampoo, no gel, no hairspray, no hairdresser - absolutely loved it!!! If you dont want to go 'the bald bit' maybe try getting it cut really short. Di 🙂 ... View more