Hi Just Me, it made me cry to think of your poor Mum having to argue the point, that she needed to go to the toilet. Surely that should be a given right until getting out of bed is no longer something she is able to do. My mum has cancer to and it breaks my heart watching her not to be able to do things. Although she is not at your Mum's stage yet. Julie is right you and your brother need some help to get through this. I found the lovely people here, but there must be other support out there for you. I wish l was in a position to be of more help, but l can only send you love and best wishes. We are here for you. Meandma ... View more

Hello Di, l am just starting to realise how lucky l am. I have new friends on this website. I don't consider your emails 'ramblings', they are thoughts which come from the heart. And have helped me (and others) to realise we are allowed to have feelings of our own. It's not just about the patient. Although they are all thought consuming. My mum (as l'm sure all parents are) is THE most special mum very on the planet. I don't have children, so l to will be requesting pallative care (should the need arise), as l wouldn't put my siblings and nieces through this. I'm very close to them as well, but there are some parts of an old aunty they just don't need to see. lol I truly thank you and Sqweege for your help with this. Both of you have helped me in ways l can't begin to express. Thank you both for your honesty and time in responding to my troubles. I hope one day l can help you or someone else as you have helped me. Meandma ... View more

Hello again, my new friend. I try not to think to much about the day my world will coming crashing down. I have tried to get mum to talk about her feelings but l don't get very far, so l think it's to hard for her as well. She is quite happy to turn up and let you do all treatments necessary but doesn't want to know the reason for it. I can only hope for you and your dad that the 18 months will turn into 18 years (at least). The one thing l want for mum is that she suffer as little discomfort and pain as possible. If that means l lose her a few months or days earlier than so be it. I love her enough that her pain comes before mine and l will let her go and not make her suffer because l can't say goodbye. As for my little melt down, which started me down this path. l have taken the advise of a very wise lady (my mum) that l don't have to jump everytime she says she needs something. I was putting myself under to much stress by trying to get everything done NOW. I just wanted to get everything done, so she wouldn't have to. I am only human after all and have my limitations. Well l better go for now. Keep you chin up and l'll talk to you again soon. Bye for now, meandma. ... View more

Hi Sqweege, l'm sorry l was in the middle of a meltdown earlier as l wrote to you. Thank you for your suggestions re: other family to help care. The only two people l would ask to look after mum are my sister and niece. One lives interstate and the other is heavily preggers. So it's not really an idea time. I am trying to look after myself, which is why l have turned to the lovely people l'm finding on this site. You are all helping me make better decisions for myself and mum's care. I think today it was not only hard watching her struggle but realising that she must be frightened of what is happening. I can't begin to image how she is feeling. This is probably a hard question to answer but do you feel any different now you have a time line for your dad? I am currently just trying to make the best of each day. I don't know that l want to know a time frame. Sorry l probably shouldn't ask that but it's all just so scary. Thank you for today, l do appreciate you taking the time to reply. I'm sending hugs and best wishes back to you. thanks again. ... View more

Hi Sqweege, thanks for your reply. Like you l find it surreal, the very thought of having a life without my mum doesn't bare thinking about. I'm at the point at the moment that she is not wanting help with things that she struggles with. It breaks my heart to watch her. She used to be sooooo independant. Now she needs help brushing her hair as her right shoulder has torn tendans. What do you do? She just shakes me off when l go to help. I'm really starting to feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of caring for her and the extra jobs that are coming my way. Family are helping where they can - but still..... l feel like l'm drowning - just don't know if it's in my own self pity. ... View more

Hi Maddie86, thank you for your message. It's kind of nice to know l'm not on my own in this. We already know that there is no cure for my mum. But l do hope there is for your boyfriend. I to cry when l need to but feel guilty about it if it's in front of my mum, because l know she feels for me. And it's not about me. Anyway l hope that you and your boyfriend have a long and happy (cancer free) life ahead of you. With best wishes, meandma ... View more

Hi Diannep52, thanks for your email. My dad also died of pancreatic cancer 30 years ago. Whilst the pain of losing him still lingers, l don't recall much of his pain and discomfort. Like your mum, he had no treatment options either. You are correct about Mum saying "It's my time, you live your life". It's almost like you have been part of our conversation. I honestly thank you for your words and l will try and view as you did. Thanks again. ... View more

Hi Guys, yet another newbie to the site. I have already had an email from one on you and your support has been amazing. Thanks so much. I hope l can help one or more of you some day. Regards Meandma ... View more