Thanks Jackie. I have talked to one of mum's doctors who was good and had been through mum's history. She was the last doctor to treat my mother. And she had phoned my mother's surgeon to get more details and he told her that he'd talked with my mother soon after her surgery in October and explained that she was terminal. So they did know in October that my mother was terminal. But with us the surgeon told us everything went well and the cancer was contained. There was no mention that the cancer had spread or that my mother was terminal. So I am wondering if this is something I should pursue and complain about. It's the fact that he obviously lied to us that I am upset about, but I don't know if complaining about it will make any difference to him or not. It sounds like your father has great doctors though! Thanks junstel88. I read your reply and your blog post. There were a lot of mistakes made in my mother's case too. But I am now more upset about the fact that a surgeon lied to us than the mistakes that were made. Though I am thinking of making a complaint to the hospital that sent my mother home as a terminal patient without us knowing about it and without any contact or care given at all. That is so wrong and every doctor I've talked to about that has said that that shouldn't have happened. So that is the other thing I am upset about. I know pursuing these things won't bring my mother back, but maybe I can prevent another family from having to go through this too. Does anyone know how I go about accessing my mother's medical records from all the doctors, surgeons and hospital stays? Thanks, Tanya ... View more

Hi Peaacal Glad you found that website handy. My husband actually passed away 3 weeks ago. As the website says, people go through all those stages at their own pace, and I must admit my husband took months to go through what some of those people went through in just days. Mainly because he was so young and fit so his body was hanging on even though his brain was so unwell. I did sort of see a repeat of all of those things happen again though in his last few days so I knew we were getting close (the pointing into thin air, talking to 'no one' etc even though he hadn't spoken for months!). And, as well as that, our 2 year old son told the nurse one morning that daddy was about to die soon - and sure enough he passed away that night! So, if you don't have a 2 year old around to predict the future, then I def recommend keeping up with that website! I would like to add that he died a very peaceful death and was very comfortable. I highly recommend taking all the help that you can from your hospice as I believe their help is why he passed so comfortably. His breathing was very rapid but he was very restful and he just slipped away in the night while we were snuggled up together. Hope your father (and YOU!) are doing as well as can be. Much love and respect to you for helping your father through this, it is not easy xx ... View more