Hi Geoff, don't you worry about me swearing. Dennis taught me all the Aussie slang and swearing words! He's a country boy so he also taught me a few interesting Aussie saying too. I try to be good here; otherwise, the admin may ban me hehehe ... View more

mmmm meditation, never understand how it works. I guess I sort of do that when I try to go to sleep or go jogging. focusing on the breathing or a key word (TM method, I think) and let go off my thought. I'm quite surprised that you are still grieving over your dad who passed away when you were 3. How old are you now may I ask? ... View more

One thing to note about getting help from palliative care team, make sure that you have a hospital bed in place. Without having the hospital bed at home, should your husband become bed bound and need help, they can't send their nurse out to help you due to WH&S. ... View more

I guess the wound is still fresh for me so those songs that my partner liked and are my favourite makes me sad when I listen to them. I know he wants me to be happy and that's what I'm trying. I have tried to be independent and everything all over again and so far I've done quite well. I think it's that time of the month and my hormone is playing up so I'm struggle a bit this week. ... View more

Well, I share the grief of losing someone we love to cancer except I got to spend 11.5 years with him. It's sad and lonely and all the memories bring me to tear while at the time I'm happy that he's no longer suffered and didn't lose too much of his dignity in his last leg of the journey. It's been a month since my partner passed away. I was doing OK in the first 3 weeks; people said I was still in shock. This week has been hard. Everything seems to bring back memories of him and makes me cry. Sleep hasn't been good. Exercise doesn't seem to help. I'll keep myself busy, live my life so I don't miss him too much. ... View more

Speaking from my experience, you will feel relief. The good memories will be there and not overshadowed by the memories of your husband's illness. It's sad to see someone we love is not him/herself but I'm sure you understand that it's not his fault and he tries his best. My partner did apologise to me and told my best friend that he recognised there were times when he was not himself and misbehaved and he felt sorry for doing that. Have you contacted a palliative care team? They should be able to help you out when you need a break. I think they call it respite care or something. I didn't get much chance to learn these vocabularies and terminologies. ... View more

Hi Geoff, I wouldn't say I'm proud of myself. I just try to survive by keeping myself busy. I would trade my independence with having Dennis back any time. I find myself missing him more and more each day. Perhaps, I'm not in shock any longer. It is weird. The first 3 weeks I was fine and now this week has been hard. Jim Stynes' book and those songs and series that I used to listen/watch with him do not help either. While travelling to work on the train, I listen to the songs that I like which were introduced to me by Dennis) and remember time when I listened to them with him and it makes me teary. Thinking about him while typing this has made me cry... shit and I'm at work. So a new rule noted, don't open cancerconnection from work. 😞 ... View more

Hi Geoff, How are you doing? I'm travelling OK, I think. I try to keep myself busy. In the past 3 weeks, I've managed have something on my diary every couple of days so that helps but I can't seem to concentrate on work too much. I guess I kept thinking about what to do next. All I know for now is I'm heading home to see my family in 7 weeks time and I've made a plan to travel for a couple of months next year. I don't know how I'll manage. I've never travelled on my own before. Well, I'll be with tour groups and such but it's still me alone without anyone I know. I hope it'll give me a bit of a break from everything, give myself time to think and be independent again ... away from my comfort zone. Although I've been considering taking Dennis's pillow with me. Would I look weird travelling around with a pillow? Well, I do think I've done well so far. I passed a driving test 3 days after the funeral. As a few months before Dennis was diagnosed I've done a car lease for him as a special treat, I'm stuck with a big Holden Commodore for another year and a half so I'd better know how to drive. I've been driving myself to train station every morning, got a slow leaky tire fixed, got wheels alignment done, changed a toilet seat, relight our hot water system, all the manly stuff that I never bothered in the past hahaha I think I've made Dennis proud. I told him in his final moment while he was still fighting that he can have a rest, I'm a big girl and I can look after myself. 🙂 People asked how I could bounce back so quick. I don't think I am but I just have to live my life and they don't see me when I grief on my own. It's so weird typing all these made me sad and miss Dennis so bad again just like when I spend time with Dennis's kids. Like you said, we have a history and it brings back memory. 😞 ... View more

Hope you have a great time. Just make sure you have his doctor's contact details, Dex, and other meds with you. Enjoy! ... View more

How do you try and keep things as normal as possible for someone with a terminal illness? To keep things normal, just be normal. That's how I did. My partner and I would talk about his prognosis and chance that he wouldn't be a survivor. We cried and screamed together while at the same time we tried to be optimistic. You never know there might be a miracle or any new drug discovered. I think it's not bad to be realistic about the situation but also keep your head up. We agreed on talking openly about how each of us feel and cry if we need to as a way to let things out of the system. There is no need for you to be strong for your dad. He would be more than happy to be the stronger one to support you even though he's the one that's suffered. I told my partner that he didn't have to be strong for me and could cry with me but after all this we would continue to fight. *Also how do you boost someone's moral when they have a terminal illness? It's nice that you try to be there for your dad. From the sound of it you don't have to raise his morale. Perhaps he can come to terms with his future. My partner was always optimistic and continued to fight up until the day he died. Just be there for him is the best you can do. And for sleeping a lot even with little physical activities, I think it's normal side effects from all the treatment. My partner spent a lot of time in bed/couch resting during the day. How do you handle this situation with your employer - is it possible to take planned carer's leave as I have several weeks entitlment accured? You have to discuss this with your manager and hopefully he/she will be very understanding. My manager is very understanding even though his hands are tied with all the policies and procedures as working for public services. I was not allowed to do work from home but I can do flexible work hour. I was allowed to use personal leave (carer) whenever required up to the limit that I accrue. I could work long hours and use those extra hours to take time off here and there. In the past 14 months through this journey, I only used my flex and personal leave to spend time with my partner looking after him. I am lucky, he was very independent up until the last week of his life so I could manage to work full-time while being his sole carer. ... View more