My heart grieves for you. In our lives not one of us thought we would ever loose a dear loved one before time. It is the worst nightmare of a journey. Its like living in a parallel world to the one we used to know, one where we would give everything to be able to find our way back to. Love your dear wife as much as you can, you will not regret it, ever. Wombat4 ... View more

Of course it is a difficult time for you and your family. Nobody expects cancer to take over their lives in their worst nightmare. It makes the whole family suffer. You will be looked on as the main carer for your wife, and I think everybody that visits this site knows from first hand experience the trauma and heartache that it involves. You are not alone in this. Try to keep strong for your wife and step son. Think of the alternative, if you go under, who then takes over your roll?. In the future, you will look back on this dark time in your lives, and your heart will lighten in the knowledge that you were strong and helped your family with every ounce of your being. wombat4 ... View more

It is not your fault that you feel guilty, John K. My wife also had secondary liver cancer that was palliative on dx. My heart goes out to you and your family. We always think our loved ones, being so precious to us, are going to live a long and healthy life, but when cancer crashes through our door and takes over, it all changes in a heartbeat. I have been through what you are going through and it has broken my heart. We did our best but it didnt work. Dont wish for it to be over, because when it is, new emotions arrive and they are devastating, even with anticipated grief, it tears your heart out. wombat4 ... View more

I am pleased for you and your wife John K with the latest results. It is a roller coaster ride, a ride through hell, as the great Winston Churchill once said, "if you find yourself going through hell, keep going", an apt quote for just about everybody that visits this site. You are in the same position my wife and I were in with the secondary tumours in the liver, as well as enlarged liver, and any positive sign was one to be very grateful for. My thoughts are with you both Wombat4 ... View more

Dont live your life thinking of, if and when it may come back. Enjoy your life in the sunshine. wombat ... View more

As a family binds together to help each other, now is the time to be your strongest. All the family will be feeling like you are, all devestated, and none want to talk about it for reason of not upsetting other family members.It is something that nobody dreamt would happen to them, but it has. Now is the time to talk to each other about your step dads illness. Start by discussing the options of treatment when they become available, which family members can take on which roles like transport, note taking at sessions with the doctors, getting medications, etc, all these roles help. When cancer breaks down the door and enters a family,it affects all inside that family. Now is the time to discuss things,and help in an emotional and practical way, all can play a part.But it must be brought out in the open, it does not help anyone to ignore it and pretend it isnt there. Good luck wombat, ... View more

Yes its true, sometimes it becomes " routine ". I think before we embark on this journey, are lives are routine and wellness is normal. Then when the DX comes up and after the initial shock to our way of thinking, and the period of change that inevitably happens, it, the new situation becomes the norm, and we deal with it as best we can. We try to normalise our lives we what we have.There seems to be, as things were "then", before the DX, and as things are "now", and the "now" is our norm. We would give the world to change it, but we can not, so we accept it, as normal,and just get on with it, and it helps us cope. Good luck Wombat4 ... View more

Thanks for your input Beautylee and your hugs and blessings. As you know a person cannot practice for the things that the people on this site are going through. Suffering, cancer, caring, grief, and bereavement are such a personal thing and they are all here. Each person has to deal with it in their own way, what is right for them. At one end of the spectrum I have known of people who have the house up for sale and all clothes to the opp shop on the day of the funeral, at the other end of the scale, sadness and grief still after 7 yrs and more. Where is the norm. I suppose it depends on the depth of the relationship and a individuals persona. Some people would focus on moving on, some like me wish to stay in the past with their memories, Is that a wrong thing, I dont know, but its my thing. I still cry every. At 64 yrs of age, where would I move on to. Suddenly life is not as precious as it used to be, and it is difficult to turn that around. I am glad you are getting on with your thing, enjoy your life. You will find this site depressing because of the very nature of its topic. If I can offer support or share a funny story like the brussel sprouts, then at the stage I am in life, it makes me feel good and worthwhile. Take care wombat ... View more

Hi PA, Yes one moment you are walking in sunshine, and life is so good, then in a heartbeat it all changes. It is difficult to take on board what is happening, its like a nightmare that you cannot wake up from, to see a soul mate with cancer is just not what we had planned for our lives. My kids are 30s and are moving on with their lives and partners, which is good. It would have been hard for me to have small children at that time. It is so cruel. My wife passed away peacefully, no pain, just went to sleep, for that I am grateful. I wish you peace and the ability to come to terms with all, it is not easy. wombat ... View more

The thing is Glenys, is that your family, probably like us all have not factored in their lifes plan, a loved and close relative getting cancer, let alone they catching the disease themselves. It is the unthinkable for them. Now that it has happened to someone they care about, they do not know how to handle it emotionally. They go to ground and pretend it is not happening so to speak, and the last thing they want to do is accept it and talk about it. They feel they need to move away from it.Your mother must be breaking up inside at the thought of her daughter having cancer, but it is too much for her to express her feelings to you, and for her to accept the fact that you have. Try not be angry with them, but accept the fact, that,that is how they are. It is not their fault, it is how their emotional protection system is programmed. Us, as sufferers or carers have to respond differently. We now really live in a different place emotionally, a strange place, and we cannot pretend it is not happening. It is, and we had better believe it, we have to work with it to achieve the best outcome for us. Do not stress yourself out about how other people are reacting Glenys, it will not help you at this point in time. Look for people in websites like cancer connections that understand the place you are in and will offer support. wombat ... View more