Hi Ben I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Losing my father is the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life and I truly feel your pain. I would like to say that it gets better but I feel the same as what I did when it happened. My dad passed away 26th May last year and it feels like it was yesterday. I have been to a therapist which has helped a little but I miss him everyday. Some days I forget - my son started his apprenticeship this year and when I dropped him off at TAFE I was driving home and thought 'I will give dad a ring and let him know how he went', then it hits you like a tonne of bricks. My therapist is quite spiritual so I mentioned to her about not seeing any signs and she said that it is possibly because my head is not clear, there could be signs all the time but I am not seeing them because so much is going on in my head. I hope this is true. She did tell me to keep a journal, not to write anything in particular - but just to write, she suggested that I write everyday - I have been a bit slack with this but really need to do it. All I can say is be kind to yourself. Its ok to be mad, sad, devasted. I don't feel like I will ever be the same person I was before dad got sick. I think we have seen to much pain for it to not change us as people. All you have to do is get through today, worry about tomorrow - tomorrow. Below is a quote that we put on the memorial booklet at dads funeral, thought I would share it with you. Please feel free to message me whenever you need a chat or to vent.
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My dad passed away on the 26 May 2018. He had brain tumours. He battled this for over two years, he was in so much pain. I am 42 years old. I miss him terribly. I have lost faith in everything. When he was dying I thought that there would be signs he was around when he passed. I thought I would feel he was around. I don’t. I feel annoyed at pretty much everything. I don’t like the person I am now.
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Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.