Hello everyone again, Nicky here. As previously posted a couple months ago my mother had been very ill and fighting for her life and we had been grieving the death of my dad. Up until the end of August she passed away peacefully right after I had kissed her one last good night and hugged her reassuring her I will be here the next morning to be with her as I had been for the last few months of her life. The pain is immense, some days I don’t really know if I’m grieving enough. But one thing I do know is that I am alone in this. As much as I have such a wonderful family of many aunties, uncles, cousins and a god sent angel of a partner. It just does not fill the void of loneliness. I just turned 21 last week and it was one of the worst days in my mind but in reality I was spoilt by everybody and the day was perfect even the weather. Nothing in my mind or my heart can fix this deep hole which I deal with every day. I am happy every single day of my life, I managed to finish uni for the semester and I manage to get up and go to work and pay the bills. But when I get a second I can cry for hours and hours because how and why does it have to be me? Life is so unfair and no one can help me but myself. It is the sour and bitter truth about death and life. I could sit here and rant for days on end, it doesn’t change/fix anything. But it’s nice to let out some of my thoughts. Hope you are all enjoying life and remembering that our loved ones are not invincible and that it could be them tomorrow. All my love.  ... View more

Hi everyone, my name is Nicky. I am a 20 year old, only child, just trying to study/work and enjoy life. However, my life has been anything but enjoyable within the last 10 months.  My father passed away from metastic urothelial carcinoma on the 6/12/17. I could not begin to accept the loss of my father let alone the whole grieving process. There was just so much to do. Mum and I were just so overwhelmed. But over the course of 8 months we managed to get ourselves back on track until a month ago.    My mother was admitted to hospital in July due to unbearable stomach pains. Turns out she had a bowel obstruction. This was all linked to her metastic ovarian cancer which has been recurrent since 2016. Long story short, there was no hope for my beautiful mother and she was soon pallitiave care and now in her end of life journey.    My heart has been absolutely broken, shattered, crushed you name it. I can’t find it within myself to feel the emotions brewing from deep within myself. I have such a supportive extended family of aunties, uncles and cousins who go above and Beyond for my mother and I. But everything is just too much. How do you accept you’re going to lose both parents before the age of 21 and in such a short period of time?  Life doesn’t prepare you for this and it certainly has got me in a hole.    I wanted to share my story to see if anyone has any advice or has been there? I feel like this is probably the lowest point in my whole life. I love my mum so much and I am just so helpless.  ... View more