Hope you are doing good. Thank you for still offering your support. We are also here for you just incase you need someone to lean on. Sending hugs! ... View more

I know that if there is something more, entering that state will probably trivialise our previous day-to-day secular concerns.  (Or render us forgetful of them as we transition to something new).   If it isn't just blackness - like a dreamless sleep - and if anybody reading this DOES find some kind of link remaining into the physical world, it would be a massive massive favour if you could muster the energy needed to come here and post a brief message like "I died yesterday, but I'm still .. something .. but I feel myself fading, stretching .. forgetting who I was.. it's a little like alzheimers .. I don't know if I'll be able to post again.  Goodbye"   Bring a whole new dimension to the phrase:  Ghost in the Machine     ... View more

Hi @Itsangie, I'm sorry to hear your father's got cancer. Don't blame yourself or feel guilty, its not your fault he's sick. He probably shouldn't have waited so long to be checked out, but that was his choice. It is very important though that he listens to his body now. If he feels that something isn't right, he should have it checked out. Problems can arise after surgery. When he had the severe stomach ache, did he report it to his surgeon? Perhaps something has happened that shouldn't have. He should get a CT scan done to put his mind at rest. This can be organised by his GP or surgeon. Don't give up hope just yet. It's still early days. If he's not eating or drinking much, maybe he needs to have some dietary supplements like Sustagen, etc. Try to keep his water intake up too. Don't forget to take time out for yourself at least every week. You will need it. Look after you as well as him. Budgie ... View more

Hi Suz   It's a long time since I started this post. A lot has happened.  I am post chemo, post stoma reversal and post my 12 month colonoscopy (despite Covid19 delaying it by 3 months).   I have distant memories of my stoma. Post stoma brings on it's own issue and has you wanting it back. It makes you quickly forget about the issues of stomas. However,  when I reach into the vault, it all comes back. Leakage was my biggest fear. I had about 2 to 3 hours sleep between bag alarms.    I struggled a lot at the start because I had trouble getting a seal around the stoma. It took a long time to work out what worked for me. After I cracked that, it all got better, but my main concern then become controlling diet which was also tricky with the chemo. If the bag filled up with fluid or gas, that was high risk leak situation. It's like a high pressure balloon.   I ended up finding a good ring seal. I had to order a large one and cut it to size. I could wrap it closely around my stoma which was a figure 8 shape. It really cut down on my leaks.   In the meantime, I'm cancer free and things are improving generally. Tests are continuing and hopefully they won't find anything in the future.    Good luck with your stoma care. I hope you get some better sleep.   cheers   Phil   ... View more

Keep up the good fight Suz, you will have plenty of days like this, and it is OK to feel that way, and show it to all and sundry! Don't pretend on how you are feeling - be honest with yourself and everyone around you. They also need to know how you're feeling, as they will give you space when you need it, without being offended. My other advise is to get as much rest as you can take! Get others to help out making cups of tea sandwiches etc (whatever you like!) and rest during these "heavy" days. Regards again - Tony     ... View more

Hey lucky Lisa. My name is Suz123 and I have the same diagnosis as you and yesterday I started chemo. I now have an infusion port under my right collar bone which sits under my skin where they connect my chemo line to and it is much better than the dreaded canula's. They even give you a little numbing patch to put on it 45 minutes before your appointment so it doesn't hurt to have the needle slipping in. The little bottle of chemo sits in a bag, either a bum bag or a shoulder bag which comes in a range of lovely colours. I wear mine for 2 days and am currently having 2 main meds through it.  So far I am being extremely lucky and have no side effects from the chemo. Now to George, my really badly behaved stoma.  Yes I have named him and yes it's a him. I won't say why it's a him cos it might put people offside but they are very good reasons. First of all you will learn to have a great sense of humour because if you don't laugh you will end up crying. Nursing staff are wonderful and very helpful when you first get your bag. At first I was horrified and apologised to nursing staff all the time for something I have no control over. It is active when you don't want it to be, like when it is time to change the bag, the bags leak, you get into some wonderful messes and you can have some embarrassing situations happen. Sweetie this happens to everyone with a stoma and the sooner you can laugh about it the better it will be. My stoma was being changed and I swear to you my stoma quacked just like a duck. I burst into laughter and the more I laughed the more it quacked, the darling thing was farting. The nurse was laughing and I think that was when I found that sense of humour I needed so badly. When I am in company it makes farty noises and I simply say excuse me or I laugh, depending on the company. I always carry a towel and a change of stoma bags when I go out but I can't change the bag myself as I don't have 4 hands and it is in such an awkward spot I can't see it.  I normally go out with a family member anyway and if there is a lot of walking I take a wheel chair so it is easier to hide any accidents.    I have had a bag last for 4 days before needing a change or I can have up to 6 changes per day depending on the output. Something called Gastrostop can become your best friend. If you find your output is liquid an emergency aid is Marshmallow and it works quickly. eat about 6 and it will stop the runs. They taste good too. I am diabetic so I have to be careful with them. Mention it to your stoma care people they will confirm that for you.  They can also give you a list of different foods to avoid while you heal and things you might choose to avoid plus things to reduce odour and soften up your stool or firm it up. (Sorry bit of a tacky subject I know.) Prior to becoming sick I was fine with dairy foods but now I can't eat them as they go straight through me and I adore yogurt and all things milky. I can tolerate a little milk in my coffee etc.    It is a tough thing to get used to in life but you will get used to it. Laugh as much as you can and understand you have absolutely no control over your stoma, but you can learn to understand it better with time. You might feel bad about the bag regarding your sexual being but you can get some stunning sexy and lacy knickers to wear over it.  Understand Cancer is a word not a sentience and you can live with it as you relax. Try to find your place of peace and learn to let go of the things that are no longer important. Pamper yourself and learn that you are in charge of your life. If you are tired, relax and nap if you don't feel like talking, don't. Find a confidant and talk to them when you need. Reach out to others and never feel like you have to do this alone. Learn to love and live every moment you have and be daring. Dance,laugh, cry, swear, be you and find your inner peace. Have a life but don't let this rule your life. Yes you will make some changes but once made let them go. I am happy to chat with you on this forum if you want to. I dyed my hair a bright deep purple red, and cut it in a bob so I went a bit will for a 67 year old lol. The chemo I am having won't make my hair fall out but it might make it go curly. Hey I always wanted curly hair!!! Wishing you all the luck in the world Regards and love, Suz123. ... View more

Wow Simon you have a way of making me think which is pretty damned good with my brain right now.   The best three things in my life right now:- 1/ Has to be my family. They are an endless source of support and humour and I don't honestly think I would be here if I had not got them. They will even crack jokes about cancer and even about death and what they want me to do when I pass to prove there is life after death. My eldest is a gamer and she has definitely asked me not to write anything on her puter to say hey hun I am still around cos it would scare her shitless but I can possess her dog and make it bark to go outside to pee instead of peeing on the floor all the time. Go figure how that girl's mind works. 2/ Has to be the fact my husband left me a while after surgery and I was still in hospital. I am not bitter about it at all and am really happy he did so. Now I can concentrate on me and fighting this darn disease and not worry about doing his dirty washing or if he needs to talk through his problems. I really do simply wish him all the happiness in the world. 3/Believe it or not, my cancer is one thing too. Before it I was in a very unhappy marriage, that is not so now. I am in a lovely aged care facility and although it happened about 10  years before I expected it to I am grateful to be here. I was also alienated from 2 of my daughters and now I have terminal cancer they are back in my life and we are loving each others company. I am now a much nicer person than I was before I got sick and my life was so bad prior to my illness. I have lost 30 kilos and feel all the better for that. I am more active and I have found an inner peace that is breathtaking at times. I suffered from a mental illness and yes it is still there but I no longer need heavy duty medications for it and I am symptom less from it. My mind has seemed to have shifted into gear and is cooperating with me instead of fighting against me. (Yes I am being supervised with this and didn't just stop taking the meds off my own back.) My kids tell me I am just like their old mum of about 20 years ago.  I now allow myself the freedom of letting out my feelings and I laugh and cry and get grumpy. I dance and sleep and watch TV and walk when I want to. I have much to be thankful for.   Thank you for this thread I enjoyed it immensely. I think it is important to be grateful for the wonderful things in life at a time it is so easy to forget.   Regards Suz123.  ... View more

I read your post with great interest and I am facing the end of life myself and I know your mind goes in every different direction as you try to sort out everything before you go.  There is one thing and I know it is in your heart because you love her dearly. Just wish her every happiness in life once you have gone. Full stop. You don't have to name it. She will have no desire to find a man right now nor for some time after, if ever. She loves you dearly and it will take some amazing man to ever try to take your place. There is no one else that CAN take your place as you are a unique and loving man so please rest easy.  If, in the many years to come she finds a person that lessens the pain of losing you, you have no idea what form that will take. It might just be friendship. So just wish her happiness, pure and simple.   I am in a position where my partner left me a couple of months after surgery and I was still in hospital. I still wish him all the happiness in the world.  However I am far from alone and I am at peace with my final journey. I have a deep and enduring faith that helps me no end. If this subject is too difficult for you then place it in the hands of your god as you do have faith too. When I discover something too difficult for me to deal with that is what I do. It really helps.   I wish you all the peace in the world and I know you wish that for your darling wife so don't think about her having another man, love her as much as you can so you stay in her heart forever. There is no man that can or ever will take your place. Enjoy every moment you have with her as these are very special times for you both. Take this journey hand in hand.   Kind regards, Suz. ... View more