Hi Ron, I have a "bowel cancer" gene and, even though I had my colon and half my rectum removed in my mid-twenties to prevent cancer, I was diagnosed in 2000 (after being checked every 6 months). I had stage 3 and since found out had 50% chance of survival and up to 5 years - I am still here. Since then I have had 3 more bowel ops, ileostomy in 2000 after chemo and radiotherapy, duodenum removed in 2001 due to polyps (due to gene) and then 3 years ago the next section. In 2006 my oncologist told me that in 20 years of practice he had only once had someone have their cancer recur after 5 post cancer years. So, the chance of cancer returning after 10 years is very remote. With all the bowel ops that I have had, my digestion leaves a bit to be desired. After one of my regular gastroscopies (every 6 months) I was put on Nexium - wonderful for indigestion, etc., but then I had the "great" luck of getting an extremely rare side effect of kidney damage and am now at stage 4 kidney failure with about 4 years at the most before the next step. Survival is not an easy thing, but I always try to remember the alternative, death and then things look a bit better. Sorry to read about your marriage, my brother (no longer here) also had his wife leave him due to his illness. Life can be very unfair. Good luck with your precarious health, craftyone ... View more

Hi Ben, Talking of smell, I used to give my partner a warning when some gas decided to exit without any warning. Now, it's my turn to complain because an ileostomy doesn't smell as much and he tends to let them rip worse than me. My experience with cleaning up after involuntary ejection of fluid was with my mother, the opposite to you. We would be cleaning her up and then there would be a "blast" like a machine gun and she'd say "got you", although it was usually mainly wind. Our bottoms do give us some comic moments when you look back. Good on your parents in helping you, I bet they loved being able to help - mine weren't around, so only the partner who sometimes had to rush into the bedroom to get me new undies when a leak occurred. craftyone ... View more

Other people really don't understand a lot of the time. Even if nothing else happens, life does not go on as before. I have been lucky so far, as my kidnes started to "pack-in" last November, but caught them in time. I now have to look after them, juggling the blood pressure medicine and fluids - as I have an ileostomy. Mine got damaged due to a very rare side effect of Nexium and yes, you do question WHY me???? You are allowed to be upset, not positive and angry - all of that. Indulge yourself now and then with bad feelings, we need to at times. A good cry is also very good for you. I am SO SORRY that you have had this happened to you, yes, it is hard enough dealing with cancer and the mental after effects without having other things happen. I will be thinking of you, let us know how you are getting on, Good luck, craftyone ... View more

Hi Katie, Crying is very good, although it is needed to come to an end each time and that can be hard. My partner just tells me to breathe deeply and that helps. My cancer was 11 years ago and I can still get very emotional over little things. I understand the raw emotion before each visit, I have polyps in my small bowel and every 6 months or so I have a gastroscopy to remove the largest ones. My "gastro man" used to say that after the next one there'd be no more large polyps and the checks would go out to 12 months - that has happened once last year. After the 12 months another gastroscopy only to be told that there were a couple of large ones (first time he'd called any large) and that they would need to be removed over a few sessions with 3-4 months in between. Over the last few years I had come to the conclusion that every time I have a part of bowel removed (only small bowel left anyway) that they just grow in the next section. This year gastro man said that to me - aren't I clever. Anyway, yes everytime I am worried that the very least there is one too far down and hence another operation is required. After 2 small bowel operations I really don't want anymore, but that is the way it goes. So, the stress is very understandable in your situation and yes, I do understand very much where you are. All I can say is let yourself cry a little, especially if it is in relief - much better than otherwise - and be gentle with yourself. It must be very hard to cope with it all, have you had any councelling? May help Will be thinking of you, craftyone ... View more

Sorry for not reading this earlier, yes, you should have counselling, check with your GP and if not go through the cancer council. I feel for you, wish I could help, but having no children myself I have no advice for you. Let us know how you are getting on, we are all thinking of you craftyone ... View more

I agree with all the above. Years ago - when my mother was in her final couple of months - we weren't given the option of anythig like that, even if she would let us do it! Dad had to rig up a microphone so that we could hear her when she cried from the pain but wouldn't let us know. It is hard to watch someone close who is in pain and discomfort. Good luck to you and yes, be very proud of yourself, well done!! crafty ... View more

Hi H, How about "The Two of Us" by Sheila Hancock. It is about her life and the life of John Thaw, and goes beyond his death and how it affected her. She had been married to another actor before John, and he died of the same cancer - strange at times isn't it? If you enjoy reading memoirs, then this is a must, touched with lots of humour as well as showing the deep emotions of living with someone who has cancer and doesn't survive it. Loved it from start to finish. craftyone ... View more

Hi Ben, Yes, I agree a very good description of a surgery that I know all about. yes, I have "stomach-bum" and it is permanent. Just know that if the reversal doesn't come off (boy that was an impromptu pun) that a permanent one does have its good points. One person I have spoken to was actually told that she could have a reversal done if what was left inside caused her to have too much "liquid poo", mine has made my life a lot easier, especially when travelling. Why? everyone is asking. Because when we used to go on a trip in the car, I would have to say - toilet stop next town please- and hope that it occurred before I got too uncomfortable. How about a roux-n-y (not quite the spelling, but is spoken as written) for the name of an operation? that was for a removal of some small bowel which then formed a y. Anyway good luck for your op. craftyone ... View more

Hi Ben, I agree with Harker that the holistic area is one to be thoroughly looked at, meaning that you have to look at yourself as a whole and decide where you want to be in this "journey" - hope it is a good end journey. The mental side of cancer is probably the hardest one to come to terms with, especially once all procedures are done and dusted with. Whilst at the "pointy" end of the journey, I found that I just "went along" with it physically and my mental side went into a shell in a protective way. Don't know that that is the best way to look at it now, but it worked for me. Don't feel guilty at concentrating on yourself, it takes ALL of you to fight this disease or at least have a chance of beating it. Good luck, like your writing, very concise and expressive, craftyone ... View more

Hi Maddie, Waiting is terrible, I know. It must be harder for the carers, especially when surgery is involved. I hope that he comes through it okay and that it is all removed!! Good luck, and take care of yourself, as he will need you. craftyone ... View more