Cindy    Sorry to hear about your mom passing.  My father died on my 23rd birthday.  My mother came home and died in my bedroom from kidney failure.  When I was 12 my mom left my dad and moved out of state without telling me.  She left my 10 year old brother and I.  My dad became a suicidal alcoholic.  My mother remarried . Had a new family. So did my dad. But either one of my parents had room for my brother and I. We were pretty much left to take care of ourselves. We drifted from one family member to another.  I quit school when I was 17 to work and raise my brother.  I hated my parents. I became a dad at 19. To make this story shorter.  Because I was a father I didn't have time to worry about my parents  and the past . Seriously think about this.  Everytime we waste worrying about things we can't change takes away the joy we have.  When both of my parents needed help I was there to take care of them. I did it more because they once were great parents.  I choose to remember the great things they did as parents. I  learned what not to do from there mistakes.  I'm now a 55 year old married grandfather.  I have a rare blood cancer that I getting treatment for.  You may find this hard to believe but my family and I don't worry about it.  Our adult kids have families and children to worry about and take care of.  I have always taken the job as a family leader and role model seriously . My family is handling my health problems well because I'm also. They know that I have a great chance of beating this. But they also know that in the future that it may come back.  I wish everyone would talk to our oldest son about my cancer. He would tell everyone that he doesn't care or is worried about it.  He has learned that he can't control everything that happens in life. He's to busy enjoying his awesome wife and daughter's.  He is a much better man and dad than I'm.  Ask him my he is 🙂 I hope you find away to move pass what is troubling you.  Sounds like you have great reasons to enjoy life because you are a mom. God welling one day you'll be a grandma.  There is ony one thing more enjoyable than the sounds of happy laughing children.  And that is the day you become a grandparent... ... View more