Coping with the holiday season

[harker]

Yeah, I know. It is 6.04am. But I am up early and have a cup of coffee in my hand and don't have to do anything at all today. I just wanted to say how useful I found the list of hints for handling the holiday season. It's on the home page here. I constantly grapple with the energy in-energy out equation. Some days I am way out and it takes many days to recover. Other days I get so much done because I have decided to do nothing. It's very strange and kind of hard to get used to. But there it is. There I am. Here we are. I find it so hard to say no. I need more strategies for keeping things on my terms. The idea in the list of an exit strategy for dealing with events that might become exhausting - for one reason or another - is very good. That's something that has been on my mind for the past few months. And these days it is always true that doing less is a much better option. It is amazing how much I get done by doing nothing. Mostly events and telephones give other people the opportunity to ask me "How I am" but they do not give me any oppoerunities at all. I have come to hate telephones. I love blogging, email, facebook and text because you can set your own timeframe for engaging with others but phones ringing in real time I find such an imposition. I really hate the phone ringing. I make exceptions when it suits me. Last night I went to the Australian Opera with my son who is a post-graduate musicology reaearch student and a university tutor. He wanted two tickets for a birthday and Christmas present, which I delivered, then he said I want you to come with me. I am absolutely buggered this morning. Not enough sleep and I missed a meal, forgot to take my pills and may have an infection looming in my catherter. But I did go to the opera with my son. It's a good list. Thanks for putting it together. H

[Jules2]

Hey Harker Did you enjoy the opera? Hope you can have a cat nap today and catch up on some of your missed sleep. I can relate to the facebook and email interactions and the reasoning behind it. I wonder how people dealt before the internet. 🙂 I am about to undergo a period of "stop burying my head" and not sure I am entirely ready to do so and to try and explain to "others" would be impossible. I think being in our situations enable us to do a lot more observing than we once did. Tc Julie

[harker]

I think you are right Julie about the observation aspect of surviving cancer. The author of the book I read recently called "The Wounded Storyteller" (Arhtur Frank) would probably say that "others" seem to be wanting us to get back to where we were before (restitution). However, we seem to be looking for something as a story to tell about the new being (quest) who has no intention of making things the same as before. Hence we are aware of observing others more closely because their behaviour doesn't fit with the quest - just as our behaviour doesn't fit with restitution. Just a thought. H

[samex]

I must find this book for some holiday rading. It seems to sum up my/our situation so well. The "quest" seems to be constantly thwarted by the "restitution". (If I have the terms correct)I KNOW what needs to be done but the inabaility to say no and constantly putting others first creates such conflict. I am becoming much more aware of my emtional limits these days, however. While I want to grasp every moment I sometimes can't cope wiht the noise and exhuberance of others. Hence I didn't go to a staff dinner this week. Julie, I agree about the observations of others. I often have to stop myself making judgements though. S

[Jules2]

@ Harker You hit the nail on the head or the author did, in that people want us back to where we once were and to be the people they knew. The problem is we aren't and cannot be that due to our experiences. Reality is that this in turn confuses people because they simply don't understand what has happened to us. I think we just need to gently break them in and give them little reminders that we are different now, so things will be different but similar between us. 🙂 Sorry if i have you and the author mixed up ... tis late here and just got home and wanted to reply to this because I am out again in the morning. Xmas? :) @ S Ahhhh judgements! One of my favourite things that I angsted over many years ago. We all make judgements every day of our lives and there is nothing wrong with that. It is when we make a judgement and act on it and thereby be judgemental that is the problem. 🙂

[samex]

My goodness Julie - that is so wise! As usual, I was heavy handed with myself for making the judgements. You have assured me now that it is only if I behave inconsiderately, I guess, then I may encounter problems. Thanks.

[Jules2]

Hiya S A wise lady gave me that scenario a long time ago. I was studying at the time and ended up doing a work prac that entailed me being in contact with child sex abusers. I was horrified at the time and very uncertain as to how i could be non judgemental with the abusers. I was given the scenario I have mentioned and I instantly felt easier, although, of course not totally at ease. 🙂 So, yes, you were being heavy handed with yourself but as always you see the right path to take. Have a good w/e Julie

[Sailor]

G'day Everyone How fantastic that we are having a discussion about "The Wounded Story Teller" - Quest, Restitution and Chaos have been my framework for the past ten years since I first read the book. In this site we are all wounded storytellers. We blog away, telling our stories but we are wounded - wounded by this damn condition we live with, wounded by what life has thrown at us, but we still tell our stories, trying to make meaning of it all. I am so delighted that you got to the Opera, Harker and that it was with your son. Frankly I am envious. What did you see? I have spent the last few days with a major infection where the catheter goes. Bloody awful, literally, and painful as well. Ural, Cranberry and antibiotics, plus in the middle of it the GP decides that the they really ought to do fasting glucose and glucose tolerance test, and just to make sure, any other test that they can think of. Eight vials of blood were taken then drink that ghastly concoction of green fizzy fluid they give you, then more bloods at one hour and two hours. "Doro Itch" are doing well out of me. Fortunately, Julia is paying as for once they decided to bulk bill me. Can't relate to the 'phone with you Harker. Just at present the 'phone is the major link with son, daughter and grandkids - too important to replace with blogs and emails. Yes it is good information about the holiday season, fortunately I will be too busy to notice that it is a holiday season. Maybe I'll just quietly go into a corner and collapse when it is all over. Cheers Sailor So when storm clouds come sailing across your blue ocean Hold fast to your dreaming for all that you’re worth For as long as there are dreamers there will always be sailors Bringing back their bright treasures from the corners of earth. Eric Bogle, Safe in the Harbour