As a mum with 3 small children, I have to be completly organised all the time. Organised to the point, where I can expect the unexpected.... wet undies in Westfields, bleeding nose at the fruit shop, cake mix in the pantry for playdates. But nothing in my nappy bag could have prepared me for the possibility that the weird looking lump on my head could be a melanoma, or that the little lump in my neck could mean it has spread.
I had ignored the lump for some time. Although it seemed to have a life of its own, changing colour, bleeding and ooozing goo. But with the girls all under 5, I just didn't put my need to get it checked out a priority.
On Wednesday, I will have a thin needle biopsy of the lymph node and the creature on my head to determine if what the Doctor suspects is true.....
I have all the family history behind me to make it almost a sure thing that cancer would one day affect me, My mother died of bowel cancer in 2006. And nearly everyone on her side of the family has had a melanoma or two removed. And with this knowledge I have lived life in the shade, slathed in SpF 30+ and avoided being in the sun for extended periods.
I am taking on board all the well wishes of friends who tell me that it won't be cancer and that the doctors have made a mistake. But the realist in me knows, deep down, that it does look bad.
And that is ok, I can face the reality of cancer.... I just don't know if I can face my family and what it will do to them over the coming months.
I don't know if seeing my mother's struggle has helped me gain perspective or given me insight. But I am quietly optimistic and know that within myself I have the drive to fight whatever comes my way.
My motto has always been..
Live each day without Regret, you can get busy living or get busy dying.
I know what I will choose....But what will you choose?
