FEAR = False Evidence Apperaing Real

[jobeth]

Except CANCER!!! FEAR of what happens after diagnosis. FEAR of treatment.. FEAR of that next investigation scan. FEAR of the time that you seemed to be doing nothing. FEAR of how people react to you, strangers in a shop or your work mates or boss. Do they shake your hand or do they look at you with pitty and slide away as quickly as they can. FEAR being left behind. Tomorrow is our next MRI. It's been 6 months since the last surgery and we have been told that when it reappears its more aggressive. Radiation and carboplatin aside, nothing stops this beast GBM in the end. So, we know its coming its just a matter of when and how fast it will happen. Somewhere someone is feeling fear too and fear that is much worse than mine today. I'm thinking of you, wherever you are with whatever you're facing. And, without you realising it, you are making me stronger knowing that you too are facing the same beast.. As Russell Crow's character in Gladitor said as he and the other slaves faced the tunnel before being let out in the lion's den, " we can fight this together and win. Or we can face it alone and lose".

[gn21]

On another site we are using the expression 'holding our nerve'. And I guess that's how we deal with the fear! The funny thing is most of us don't fear the dying, we fear the process and the thought of pain. Good luck with the MRI, even though I know luck really doesnt have anything to do with it. Hold your nerve! Gail

[jobeth]

Gail - I'm holding on tight. Thank you. And to you too. For me, it's living without him that I fear most of all. I know when the beast hits in full force that I will hate watching what happenings and that I will start wanting it to be over. That is scary. But ultimately, being without him is too hard to think about. We met in 1987. We were married to other people. We met again in 1993 and date a few times. It didn't go anywhere. We married last month, he is 3.5 years in his cancer is GBM. He is the love of my life. I waited almost 20 years to be with him so selfish I am I want to keep him . Thanks again Gail..... Post results when they come (3 terrifying days till then).

[Mango]

Good luck and thinking of you and everyone else in the same situation. Still The result could be good too. and the tumour may not come back anytime too soon. Out there are people surviving many years after a GBM diagnosis. Stay positive and keep hope alive. When you get the scan back do you open the envelope to check before you see the doctor? We always do. The last scan though was done only an hour and a half before the doctors visit so the ilms were given without the result. At least we didn't have long to wait.

[exhausted]

You are in my prayers Jobeth.

[jobeth]

My husband used to get the disk and take it home to read but we aren't doing that anymore. Last August he misread a scan. He thought it was showing 'unchanged' when in fact there was a new tumour in the frontal lobe. Today we try and get the radio oncologist to read for us so we don't have to wait over the weekend. Tuesday is just too far away. How long since your diagnosis? We are 3.5 years with one return. The longest I've found so far is 6.5 years in Australia. My hubby's general health is fantastic. Thank you for your support.

[jobeth]

Thank you. You're in mine too. I hope you're ok? If ever you want to talk, I'm here. X

[Mango]

Hi Jo As long as there is a plan, a return of the tumour is not the end.. We just couldn't wait three days for results. We aren't any good at reading them ourselves though, the medical background probably helps there. My husband was diagnosed on August 3 2006 so we are 6.5 years into this maybe we are the 6.5 you have heard about. There are people who have survived much longer overseas, I'd be surprised if there weren't a few here too. My husband has had four operations two for the tumour and two for cysts, and the latest recurrence in April 2011 has been treated with avastin successfully so far. All the best