I'm scared

[peanutz]

It's been a week since my partner has speaking difficulties. We can communicate to some extent. The main part he wants to say couldn't come out easily but still we talk and laugh. I try to encourage him to write and he said he couldn't. I found his notes that he wrote last night while I was asleep and it's very upsetting that I couldn't understand it. He had similar problems but not as bad prior to the surgery in August last year and he was back to normal after the surgery. I'm not sure I understand him clearly but he said something crazy was happening in his brain... crazy thought, crazy pictures. I hope he's not going crazy. Yesterday I tried to ask him hard questions.... what if .... He was so furious and told me not to even think of bad things until it happens. But... what if I don't know his answers when he can't answer those questions himself?

[wombat4]

Its very upsetting to think of the what if. We all hope it will go away and things will return to how they were. To think of what if, is the realisation that things may not turn out as we had hoped. With the care of my wife, I was the one who did not want to approach the subject of what if, she knew from when the Drs said palliative it would not have a good ending. A few moments before her last breath, she said she wanted yellow and white flowers at her funeral and to include our sons as pall bearers. Up until that point I was still hoping. I cannot offer advice because I could not accept what if, but I understand the place you are in. It is so very heartbreaking. Wombat4

[pimbok]

Hi Peanutz, It must be so incredibly hard for you. Hang in there and just take one moment at a time. Enjoy the talks and laughing when you can. It all sounds so cliche - sorry, it's not meant to be. Take care, Kim

[SILLY]

I'm sorry I can't say anything to help except that I feel for you ,both of you.

[Sunshine006au]

Thinking of you at this very difficult time. I could not contemplate the "what if's" whilst I was caring for my dad, then a phone call at 11pm on the sunday night before we lost dad changed eveything. I can honestly say that it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, walking into the hospital knowing that it was going to be the final time I spend with dad.... When I arrived I somehow found the strength to hold dads hand, talk to him, massage his feet, hands & back, in his final moments I laid my head on his chest & felt him take his last breath. I miss him so very much, that will never change. Looking back I am glad that I could be their to make his journey from this world to the next more comfortable. I send you (((HUGS))) & strength Alison

[peanutz]

Thank you for your support, I appreciate it. My partner has gotten better in the last couple of days. His speech is still not 100% but has been improved by a fair bit. The doctor bumped up his Dex early last week and finally the drug appears to do the job! We had MRI scan this morning; hopefully, his doctor will be able to tell us something tomorrow morning. Fingers crossed! I don't ask much, just being able to continue on with his current treatment. I'm not ready to look for another treatment as yet. xo

[Sunshine006au]

I hope the results come back with great news Alison xxx

[benefr]

I hope you are in a good path for recovery. Peanutz I really need your assistance - I can't seem to get a hold of Dr. Ben William's email. Could you please please send me a private message? I need to ask him a question. Thanks!

[peanutz]

benefr, I sent you a private message with Ben's email. Have you got it?