Just don't know how to ...

[beXsie]

I'm not new to this whole Cancer thing, as i was first diagnosed 3 years ago with Nodular Metastatic Melanoma and whilst its been a long road since with its fair share of hurdles ... i'm staring down the barrel of a diagnosis of Breast Cancer ~ but at what stage i'm not sure yet 😞 ... I go through all of the tests and appointments by myself so i'm the only one that knows atm! I'm not a very good talker at the best of times, but find it extremely hard to talk (or write down) to family and friends as they dont really have any idea of what its like or the personal hell i'm going through ~ and with it being the festive season and the fact that i have a 10yr old, i've tried to put on a brave face (and shut it out) and enjoy and take part in things but i just cant .. how am i going to get through this christmas period and how i'm going to deal with this next battle i face 😕

[harker]

Hi there BeXsie. It sounds pretty rough at the moment. What a lot going on! I have two conditions as well. I remind myself that I can't pretend to have a normal life. I do need to make allowances. When I do that I can live a good life. Yes, it does mean lots of people won't understand. I am just not gong to be close to those people. There are important people whom i can talk to. Not everyone. One or two is all I need. Here is a good place to just say things like you did. H

[beXsie]

Thanks & Hi Harker There is certainly heaps going on and I'm fighting through all of the symptoms & things trying to make things as normal as possible so i can be involved and be doing things - i just dont know how much longer i can keep it up for ... When I reached out to a couple of people when I found out about the melanoma they didn't want anything to do me or the situation. I was lucky enough to have a couple of friends that were a huge support but its not the same this time around, nor do I think its fair to try and reach out for support when its Christmas and they should be happy and celebrating with their families ..

[Jules2]

Hiya Bexsie Your feelings are a recurring theme for those diagnosed with cancer, so you are not alone at all. You have a whole site full of people who have or do feel the same as you. I think people are not going to mind you reaching out at christmas time. After all it is the time for people to be charitable to one another. Perhaps you actually will give real meaning to their christmas in that they can actually help someone rather than just gift giving. Hope that does not come across in the wrong way, bit tired at the moment so probably not choosing quite the right words. Julie

[beXsie]

Hi Julie, You haven't come across at the wrong way at all and thats why i joined this site, as i thought it might help me learn how to communicate my feelings etc, which in turn will help me deal with the battle i have in front of me better .. so i thank you! I'm probably just over thinking things way too much but i guess it doesn't help when i'm in constant pain, tired and dealing with different things that are happening ~ this waiting sucks!! Merry Christmas, Bexsie 🙂

[Jules2]

Hey Bexsie Merry Christmas to you. :) Glad I came across ok, sometimes I wonder with my writing skills and chemo brain. I have had melanoma albeit amelanotic, which is slightly different to the mainstream melanoma. It is a tough thing to be diagnosed with and it is hard to get through but it is possible. I like Jim Stynes approach and even though he did not survive he was able to return to hope and maintain it for the most part. I think that is what helped him get through all that he went through. The waiting part is the worst bit, once you get a diagnosis and subsequent treatment plan of some sort it is easier. You have something more tangible and real to focus on. Over thinking is a trap and I try and keep my mind in neutral and remind myself that my thoughts may not be right as I haven't yet been told and just channel my thoughts into another place or zone. I hope your pain is not too bad for you and maybe you could talk to the docs about getting that under control? I remember with this last cancer the amount of pain I was in and it was very difficult. I used to have a high pain threshhold but I don't think I do anymore. Take care Julie