My dad has passed

[chris_martin]

My beautiful dad and my best friend passed away 12 weeks ago and I just want to thank all you great people who have helped me along this difficult road. But now that he is gone I'm finding it even harder to cope. Just don;t know what to do as I am missing him SO SO much. I know he is around me and I should be thankful for that but some people have been telling me "he has been gone 12 weeks so get over it" but it is not that easy for me and I don't think I will get over losing him- he was my dad and my best friend!!!

[Vicki_Anne]

Hi Chris, Wow how insensitive of some people, 12 weeks is not very long in the grieving process at all. I lost my Dad to cancer last year. I think after 3 months I was still trying to come to terms with the fact that he was actually gone. It takes alot of time and everyone grieves differently. Please give yourself time, much more time and know whatever you feel, its probably normal. If you feel overwhelmed, talk to your GP. Deepest condolences to you. Vicki

[chris_martin]

Hi Vicki thanks for your kind words. I know dad has gone but I just think I will see him again and I have never felt pain like this. My dad was my best friend who was always there for me and I really don't know how to go on without him. I know he would not like to see me so sad but I just don't know where to go from here as I miss him so so much.

[choc2rule]

Hi Chris There is no time limit to grief. It stays for a long time or you may think it goes then it will hit you again when you least expect it. Take strength in this site Chris. People are very open here about their feelings with cancer and I can tell it has helped lots of people. It is very insensitive and just plain ignorant for people to say that you should be 'over it' after such a short time. YOur dad was a great guy obviously and you love him very much. Sometimes there are no words to give enough comfort to make things better. It is one day or one hour at a time to survive and the time just drags and slows down. Margaret

[chris_martin]

Hi Vicki thanks for that. Sometimes I feel that I am not "normal" in that I still feel him around me every day and I always talk to him but mostly at 11.12am on a Thursday(the day he passed) i really feel the need to chat to him and be close to him but others say that is not normal. They say I should make this Xmas special but I just can't do that. Of course I will be there for my grandkids and make it special for them but dad will always be on my mind especially as my kids are arguing and I will have a "divided Xmas" but as some have said as long as I see both kids and their families I am lucky. Why do I feel so unlucky!!! This Xmas I really thought we would be all together but not to be. I know dad would have wanted different but he would have said "Chrissy just thank God you have your family" and even though he was a big part of that family I do feel lucky that I feel him around me every minute of every day. Love you so much dad

[SILLY]

I've heard that people have to go through 12 months of special occasions ,eg birthdays, Christmas etc without the loved one who has died before they start to find it easier. I lost my dad in 1973 and although I thought I was over the grief years ago I sometimes miss not having a dad and I am 60 now. It really does get easier with time but you can't rush it .It seems to just happen after you go through varying emotions ,which you need to feel. and living as normally as you can. You will get on with life when you are ready and remember grief counselling is available if you need or want it. I wish you well.

[SILLY]

I've heard that people have to go through 12 months of special occasions ,eg birthdays, Christmas etc without the loved one who has died before they start to find it easier. I lost my dad in 1973 and although I thought I was over the grief years ago I sometimes miss not having a dad and I am 60 now. It really does get easier with time but you can't rush it .It seems to just happen after you go through varying emotions ,which you need to feel. and living as normally as you can. You will get on with life when you are ready and remember grief counselling is available if you need or want it. I wish you well.