Need a Larf

[kymg]

Nearly six weeks ago I had a Radical Prostatectomy for, yep you guessed it, a cancerous Prostate. I have been pretty confident that things will be alright - in fact even (trying) to convince myself that I didn't have Cancer, but last night after nearly three weeks without a catheter I had to get another put in cos of a blockage (my second). I know this ain't much in the scheme of things but I also have my blood tests to be taken this Friday which will tell the success or otherwise of surgery. So the revisiting of a catheter and the uncertainty of the blood tests has left me a little down at the moment. This is the first time throughout this whole process that I have felt like this and it seems over really silly things (esp the catheter). Someone, anyone tell me joke, tell me a funny story, talk dirty- just make me larf and feel better - I don't like being like this. Kym

[artist_in_recov]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeioJA4ApX4 Hi Kym, This guy is a friend of mine and he always managed to make me laugh - this is one of my favourite clips of his - I hope it cheers you up too - even for a few minutes...

[#3]

Hi Kym, Here are a some quotes from Kids that made me smile... Hope they do the same for you 🙂 Sending you a hug and good wishes for better days ahead. Reindeer xxoo KIDS IN CHURCH 3-year-old Reese: "Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets." As you can tell... I smile at the simplest things 🙂

[benlisecca]

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. 'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...' 'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles .

[kymg]

Thanks everyone, I need and needed laugh. And a riddle. Q. Whats brown and sticky?? Answer at the botom I went to my specialist today and he wants to have an inspection (cystoscopy) to see why I am blocking up. So Friday week I am off to lay prsotrate on a table whilst he sticks a telescope right up my........... I am assuming the catheter comes out first. Might be tight squeeze if it doesn't. Friday is D-Day for my tests. And I am getting more and more nervous as days go by. So from being Mr Cheerful I am now becoming Mr Just A Little More Than Concerned. I have a funny (stange word to use)feeling that the test results may not go my way. But, and this is a big but, I don't feel as though I have the same things to deal with that so many of you others have. Frankly if this is as bad as it gets then I will be one happy camper. I guess I just didn't need this latest episode to happen and that has made me feel as bad as I have felt throughout this whole process. Do you know that one of the weirdest things about having Cancer is the fact that I have been able to discuss the most personal things with others that have Cancer - male and female. Apart from talking about the way I feel generally and hearing about the effects of therapies, all kinds of other stuff - impotence, breast surgey, loss of libido, ways people have tried to keep intimacy going. I am sure they wouldn't be discussed any other time between people who hardly know or don't even know each other. So I thank others in similar boats for their openess and willingness to help others. A. A stick I'll come up with some more jokes later Thanks again. Kym

[#6]

Hi Kym, I had heard your joke before 🙂 I remember when I first heard it... boy, did I laugh and I still think it's funny :) I agree with you about the frankness and openess of others...seems our experiences link us all together. I find we are able to discuss our concerns in an understanding forum.. sometimes you may be helped and other times your experiences may help others. At times, just expressing your feelings in writing, relieves the pressure. I wish you well and hope your tests on Friday do "go your way".

[benlisecca]

A woman in her thirties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, 'Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?' The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, 'I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18-year-old.' The husband replies, 'What did he say about your 42-year old arse?' 'Your name never came up,' she replied Ok... I know it's a girly joke but it made me laugh 😄

[benlisecca]

Hi Kym, I had anal cancer so you don't have to explain to me the indignity of a telescope being shoved anywhere.... I truly hear you brother! My life has been so focused on my butt for a year that I read your joke/question and thought the punch line was "Answer at the bottom"...hahahahaha..... it wasn't until I scrolled down and read "a stick" that I had a good laugh at myself. Sad, I know...... I get so stressed and concerned before each check up and although I try and stay confident, positive and upbeat by the time the check ups come around I have convinced myself that my cancer has come back. After each all clear I still cry with relief and tell myself off for thinking the worst. The week before is horrible. Let us know how you go, we will be sending all our positive vibes your way. I am pretty sure what you are going thru emotionally is pretty normal - it's a pretty stressful time. The emotional side is by far the tougher side of cancer. I really hope both your procedure and your test results go really well on Friday. I hope your doctor is gentle and you come away with a lot to celebrate. Thinking of you. Sharon xxxxx

[kymg]

The Pope is returning from a trip overseas and his chauffer is waiting for him at the Airport. The Pope lands and is feeling enthusiastic about life and asks the chauffer if he can drive the car. The chauffer is pretty reluctant given that the Pope really shouldn’t be driving but after being badgered finally agrees. So he sits in the back seat while the Pope takes the wheel. The take off and pretty quickly the Pope is driving like a man possessed. Speeding at 160kmh, swerving in and out of traffic. This naturally attracts the attention of the local Constabulary who, with sirens blaring and lights flashing pull the Pope over. The Officer goes to the window and upon seeing who is driving takes, a step backwards and gets on the radio to his Boss. “Boss – you’ll never guess who I have just pulled over for dangerous driving” he says. “Who” asks his Boss “the Mayor, the President – just who is it?” “Well” says the Officer “it’s the Pope” “Hmm – so what’s the problem then” says his Boss “Well” says the Officer, “I think he has God in the back”

[Sailor]

Hi Kym I've lived with prostate cancer for the past eleven years. I have to go in every two months for a cystoscopy and dilation - I won't go into details. There are a few prostate cancer jokes that I know, any more gladly accepted. A man went to see his GP for a check up. The GP said, "We need to do a digital examination" and he asked "OK, but where's the computer?" A man went to see his urologist for a follow up check following treatment. He watched as the urologist put a glove on his right hand and lubrication on the third finger. He then watched with trepidation as the urologist put a glove on his left hand and lubrication on the third finger of that hand. "What's with the left hand doc?". "Oh, thats for the second opinion" Two blokes with prostate cancer are talking at a support group meeting. They had both recently been for a check up that included a DRE. You know, said one, I can never understand when they do a DRE why they leave their watch on! Two blokes are sitting in a waiting doctors waiting room. One of them has a stutter and he ask the other one - "W - w- w- what are y-y-y-ou h-h-here f-f-f-or". "I've got a prostate problem". "W-w-w-what's a p-p-p-prostate p-p-problem". "Well if you must know, I pee like you talk!" A man is discovered to have prostate cancer and elects to have a prostatectomy. He is very concerned about the possible side effects and ask his urologist to take particular care to save the nerves that control erections. When he comes to in the recovery room the urologist is there and he asks the urologist how things went. "Well there is good news and bad news." "Did you mange to save those nerves". "Yes that's the good news - we saved the nerves". "Oh that's great - what's the bad news?" "That's them here in this jar of formalin". “Biopsies are no joke, but a physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his male patients while he was performing their biopsies: - “Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!” - “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?” - “You know, in South Australia, we’re now legally married.” - “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?” - “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…” - “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!” - “If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!” - “Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.” And the best one of all.. - “Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there? And remember - when you urologist is doing a DRE, make sure he doesn't have both hands on your shoulders! Cheers Sailor A sailor is an artist whose medium is the wind. Webb Chiles



[kymg]

Hi All, Thanks to all of you for your support ... and jokes. Maybe we could make this a regular feature. I know what we are all going through is pretty serious and I would not want to do anything to trivialise our situations but a good giggle can sometimes help. Perhaps a joke page on the forum? I had my blood test today and for the first time ever I was scared of the needle going in. Normally I just look the other way when the needle goes in but today I had my eyes closed and tried to think of happy things - like not being impotent (ha ha). (I said to myself "Get a grip Kym but there is nothing to grip) That my friends is a really poor joke. Anyway now I have to wait til Tuesday to get the results. I shall have to ring the Doctor. It’s a bit like going into the water at the beach - all is a good until you get to 'that point' where you tend to jump up rather than getting 'it' wet. You know that you have to get wet but it’s just that last step. Well that’s how I feel about ringing up – not really wanting to in case its bad news. I am sure that many of you have gone through the same feelings and have got through it OK. I am not feeling as down as I did last Tuesday so that can only be good - knowing that there is a place to talk makes a huge difference. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to ‘strangers’ (not that any of you are strange I’m sure) than those closest to you. Cheers for now Kym

[tblacker]

Hi Kym Was info of any use to you? Regards Terry

[samex]

Those of us with the less sexy of cancers need to stand and be counted! My 15 year old believes that we should create a brown ribbon day for bowel cancer. I am more than happy to include prostate, anal and any other less than elegant organ to be included! Samex

[kymg]

Hi Samex, Yoau are a gal after my own heart. The less ‘sexy’ cancer don’t seem to get the same coverage that the sexy cancers get although it would be fair to say that Prostate Cancer is starting to get more prominence. Certainly Bowel Cancer is a big ‘mucker upper’ of lives and needs to be promoted more. One of the affects of Prostate Cancer can be impotence. Maybe if that was highlighted as it might get on the front pages. Girlfriends and partners might start to take notice if an aspect the ‘intimate’ side of their relationship took a dive or disappeared. I think the immediate affect of a cancer on others needs to be sought out and used to impress upon people the seriousness of cancers aside from the obvious ones. I would be interested to hear others thoughts on this. Bring on Brown Ribbon Day

[Sailor]

Hi Samex and Kymg The two big cancers that do not get much attention are lung cancer and colo-rectal (bowel) cancer. Prostate is starting to get some much needed recognition. If you were to read the newspapers watch TV or listen to radio you could be forgiven for thinking that it is only females who get cancer and the only cancer they get is breast cancer, and more recently a little bit on ovarian cancer. On incidence the top five cancers are Prostate, Colorectal, Breast,Melanoma and Lung in decreasing order. If you take mortality, then the order is Lung, Colorectal, Prostate and Breast, again in decreasing order. On the Cancer Australia Website at: http://www.canceraustralia.gov.au/research-and-clinical-trials/overview.aspx there is a publication Cancer Research in Australia: An overview of cancer research projects and research programs in Australia 2003-2005. On pages 30 - 34 are some interesting graphs, with the research spend per cancer. The less sexy and no female specific cancers don't get a lot of attention. So bring on the Brown Ribbon Day for colorectal cancer - maybe a black ribbon day for lung cancer and remind the media that the sexy cancers are not the most common. However, let's also acknowledge what has been achieved by consumer activists for breast cancer. Cheers Sailor As we sail thru life, don't avoid rough waters, sail on because calm waters won't make a skillful sailor. Anonymous

[Versaillon]

LOL thanks for the laugh guys. Sailor, your jokes on prostate cancer were hilarious (cancer not hilarious, jokes hilarious). I passed them onto Rob and he cacked himself which I think was just the ticket for him today given he had chemo yesterday and is feeling decidedly down and crappy. Kym, I hope things went well for you. I swear, every time we see the oncologist, I'm practically shitting myself waiting for bad news.. and I'm not the one with cancer! Ya not alone there buddy. But I definitely think a jokes page or something similar would be of great benefit to so many of us. Fighting cancer can be so serious and draining, it's so refreshing to have a laugh and promote some positivity. As they say, laughter is sometimes the best medicine and they couldn't be more right!

[kymg]

I agree Sailor – power to the activists who put boobs in our collective faces and raised a mob of money. Not withstanding that, each time I see a promo for fighting breast cancer I say “what about all the other sorts” . Don’t get me wrong, I fully support research into breast cancer and have supported the cause in the past and I am sure will continue to do so but I will also support prostate cancer, bowel cancer and anal cancer (the thought having either horrifies me) and the all the others that afflict people. For those that have breast cancer my heart goes out. Try as I might I can’t think of an attractive way of promoting other cancers in quite the media / public friendly way that the breast cancer people have done. Their latest ad suggesting that women self examine in the car wash or while waiting fro the kettle to boil is genius. Can I self examine my Prostate – I think not. Such a pity really cos it might save a few of us blokes. Oh and I waiting my results from my blood tests last Friday – worry, worry. And I have daughter starting her Year 12 exams tomorrow (Wednesday). But I am upright and ambulant and that can’t be bad. Cheers and Beers Kym

[#18]

I am not familiar with the symptoms of all cancers and the tests involved for diagnosis, so these are just my thoughts about sexy cancers. It is quick and easy for women to self-examine their breasts, enabling early detection of lumps and it seems women are more likely to go for Mammogram/Ultrasound testing than men will for Prostrate examinations. I am also pondering that, the diagnosis of breast cancer is perhaps easier than a diagnosis for other cancers e.g is there any form of regular testing for lung cancer, doctors do not promote regular X-Rays. The company I work for, runs a national fishing competition to promote awareness of prostrate cancer, which I wholeheartedly support. I believe that if we can raise awareness of the various cancers we have experienced and educate our friends, family, work colleagues to be conscious of symptoms and encourage them to be tested, we are contributing in the fight against cancer. A friend of mine had breast cancer and she reminded me to have a mammogram, I did and my breast cancer was detected early, I will be forever grateful to her. Any form of cancer is an unwanted intruder, I hope that by all of us speaking about our experiences with cancer that someone else may be spared.

[samex]

It seems my terminology has caused offence. See other post. While at times I appear a little flippant, I never trivilaise this disease. I have my own experience and too many funerals to ever do this, including one tomorrow. Sailor, I have had 2 friends die of lung cancer who were non-smokers and there is very little awareness of how or why this could happen. There does seem to be an industrial link to their cancers but it is smoke screened via insurance payouts. I am glad that you support brown ribbon day and I am all for black ribbon as well. S

[benlisecca]

A middle-aged woman Seemed sheepish as she Visited her gynaecologist. 'Come now,' coaxed the doctor, 'you've been seeing me for years. There's nothing you can't tell me.' 'This one's kind of strange...' 'Let me be the judge of that, 'The doctor replied'. 'Well,' she said, 'yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of pennies.' 'I see.' 'That afternoon I went to the bathroom again and, plink-plink-plink, there were nickels in the bowl ' 'That Night,' she went on, 'I went again, Plink-plink-plink, and there were dimes and this morning there were quarters! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!' she implored. 'I'm scared out of my wits!' The gynaecologist put a comforting Hand on her shoulder. 'There, there, it's nothing to be scared about.' (Ready for this?) (I'm warning You.....) (Still not too late....!) 'You're simply going through the change! hahahaha.....

[Jules2]

ohhh lol @ the change joke ... thats a goodie!!