Oh the irony

[wombat4]

I`have been in a very reflective mood since just before Christmas last, when my soul mate passed away from the 2 year battle with cancer. As a child and right through my life, one of my favourite foods was...brussel sprouts. I loved them, and when they would come on special, I would buy them in 10 kg lots and eat them cold from the fridge for breakfast, morning tea, lunch and dinner, of course with other food as well. I was something about the strong taste that I adored. At the supermarket checkout, I would get comments about the amount I was buying, I would say things like, "Oh the kids have been misbehaving this week, so this is their punishment". My lovely wife hated them as much as I loved them, When I tried to hide one in her meal, even a couple of leaves, she would spot them and hand them back, there was no way I could get her to eat brussel sprouts. She would love, cheesecake, biscuits, chocolate any thing sweet and sugary. My lovely wife was a GP throughout her working life, and if I had a dollar for every time she said to me, "you will never die from bowel cancer, because you eat plenty of brussel sprouts", I would be a rich man. My lovely wife died 21/12/11 age 58 from... Bowel cancer. Oh the irony R I P my lovely girl wombat4

[harker]

What a great story! Thanks so much for posting it. She will be laughing too! It's my birthday (57) and your story is like an extra present. Thanks. H

[samex]

Thank you for sharing Wombat. i agree with Harker, she will be smiling. Happy birthday HArker!!!!

[SILLY]

Firstly I am sorry that your wife suffered and died from cancer. I will say I love most veges and most sweets . It's so easy for me to open a pack of something sweet ,less effort than cooking my veges. Happy birthday,Harker!

[glenys48woods]

veges are the most satisfying meal that I enjoy as they are great and easy to cook. I do about 8 types in one pot and have a stew like meal as this is cheap on gas etc. brassels spouts are the best vege as I love them too. Having veges every day is good for you. Wombat I wish I knew where you get your 10k brassels spouts so cheap. I feel for you wombat4 that you miss her after the so called cancer that we all don't like and hate the experiences that take away our dreams. I am so sorry for you. Glenys x

[wombat4]

Well the brussel sprouts come on special now and again. They can go down to $2/kg, thats when I buy in bulk, normally its about $6kg. I find the farmers markets etc are usually cheaper than the larger supermarkets. Keep going with the vegies folks wombat4

[Sunshine006au]

Hi Wombat, I love brussel sprouts too but my partner cannot even be in the room when I'm cooking them, he makes me laugh 🙂 Your story made me smile & I'm sure your wife is having a giggle about the brussel sprouts too. (((HUGS))) Alison

[purpleangels]

Hey wombat! Just read your post on someone's thread about Your beautiful wife. I had tears reading it. I feel for your loss. I am watching my husband wither away little by little. He has a rare cancer that no one quite knows what to do with. He has had surgery, chemo, radio...the surgery got rid of most of it, but it has come back.......and he is living with chronic unexplained pain (doped to the eyeballs on morph) and weird, chronic bowel issues....... He has lost the will to keep going, although his prognosis is (??????) it is so rare no one knows what will happen. I fear most for our children (4 and 6).....how is this affecting them? Will they be okay? He is my soulmate, I miss him even though he is right in front of me.........I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. I am sending you positivity and love........and hope you find hope and peace again. PA

[Sunshine006au]

Dear PA, my heart aches for what you & your loved ones are going thru, it is heartbreaking watching the person you love suffer... Thinking of you.. (((HUGS))) Alison xxx

[glenys48woods]

Dear Wombat, My mother, sisters, and brother and families are not talking or ringing us up from WA. I have been told to step back as they are scared rabbits, want to shield themselves - hows that? When in WA last year in June/July they didn't chat about the experience that I went through at all with 2 lots of surgery. My mother didn't want to sit down with me to chat about what I went through and I am disgusted with her as my mother so what kind of mum do I have. I was over there for a month. Please help me with this. Glenys.

[SILLY]

Only a few of my family members really talked to me about my cancer,diagnosed just over 2 years ago.Some have not said one word and some only once spoke to me about it very briefly. I was a little hurt for a while but now I think that maybe they don't realise I'd like them to say something. I'm 90% over the hurt now as I have here and I also belong to a group online ,specifically for people with my cancer. Glenys,try to talk to those who want to listen and your hurt may lessen. Sometimes others assume that once you've had treatment it's over. We know it's not but they don't . Also they have their own lives and problems and perhaps don't want to take on the worries of others. It is the way some people live.

[wombat4]

The thing is Glenys, is that your family, probably like us all have not factored in their lifes plan, a loved and close relative getting cancer, let alone they catching the disease themselves. It is the unthinkable for them. Now that it has happened to someone they care about, they do not know how to handle it emotionally. They go to ground and pretend it is not happening so to speak, and the last thing they want to do is accept it and talk about it. They feel they need to move away from it.Your mother must be breaking up inside at the thought of her daughter having cancer, but it is too much for her to express her feelings to you, and for her to accept the fact that you have. Try not be angry with them, but accept the fact, that,that is how they are. It is not their fault, it is how their emotional protection system is programmed. Us, as sufferers or carers have to respond differently. We now really live in a different place emotionally, a strange place, and we cannot pretend it is not happening. It is, and we had better believe it, we have to work with it to achieve the best outcome for us. Do not stress yourself out about how other people are reacting Glenys, it will not help you at this point in time. Look for people in websites like cancer connections that understand the place you are in and will offer support. wombat

[wombat4]

Hi PA, Yes one moment you are walking in sunshine, and life is so good, then in a heartbeat it all changes. It is difficult to take on board what is happening, its like a nightmare that you cannot wake up from, to see a soul mate with cancer is just not what we had planned for our lives. My kids are 30s and are moving on with their lives and partners, which is good. It would have been hard for me to have small children at that time. It is so cruel. My wife passed away peacefully, no pain, just went to sleep, for that I am grateful. I wish you peace and the ability to come to terms with all, it is not easy. wombat

[#14]

Hey Wombat Unfortunately I dont come on here much anymore, maybe reading the stories depresses me, I dont know, Im dealing with my cards but I cant help feeling that you in your grief, (which is understandable) is holding you back from life. Im sure your wife would hate to see you this way, I see many of your posts and you are so supportive for carers and cancer sufferers alike, but I think you need to show yourself some support and love, and let go and live your life. I know your suffering, and I FEEL for you, live life, remember love, but most of all go and get out of here and enjoy things, thats what Im doing. Like I said, Im passing through but its just toooo depressing on here for me! Hugs and blessed be to you.

[wombat4]

Thanks for your input Beautylee and your hugs and blessings. As you know a person cannot practice for the things that the people on this site are going through. Suffering, cancer, caring, grief, and bereavement are such a personal thing and they are all here. Each person has to deal with it in their own way, what is right for them. At one end of the spectrum I have known of people who have the house up for sale and all clothes to the opp shop on the day of the funeral, at the other end of the scale, sadness and grief still after 7 yrs and more. Where is the norm. I suppose it depends on the depth of the relationship and a individuals persona. Some people would focus on moving on, some like me wish to stay in the past with their memories, Is that a wrong thing, I dont know, but its my thing. I still cry every. At 64 yrs of age, where would I move on to. Suddenly life is not as precious as it used to be, and it is difficult to turn that around. I am glad you are getting on with your thing, enjoy your life. You will find this site depressing because of the very nature of its topic. If I can offer support or share a funny story like the brussel sprouts, then at the stage I am in life, it makes me feel good and worthwhile. Take care wombat

[SILLY]

Yes ,people go through the stages of grief at a different pace and deal with these in their own way. I knew a man who never disposed of any of his wife's belongings and even her clothes were still there 18 years later ,when he died. I knew a lady who came to work the day after her daughter died .(Her daughter was 35 years old and married). I know an older lady who has cried every day since her husband of 55 years died last year. I have no idea how I will deal with it if my husband dies before me. To me none of it is the wrong way . I suppose there comes a time when some need help but most find that by being involved with friends or family.My husband doesn't want me to die before him as he thinks I would cope better than he.

[glenys48woods]

Hi Wombat, It is human to grieve as your soul mate passed away just before Christmas 2011 so your time at this time in your life must be so sad. I have told you I feel for you as it is just a short time so it is not wrong for you to feel the way you do to stay on passed memories. It is so comforting and natural to do so. I think there would be people on this website that would love to give you a hug to comfort you. Marriage with me is so vital especially after 38 years. I haven't lost my husband so really I don't know what it would feel like when I would lose him. Glenys 00

[purpleangels]

Hey Wombat! It is raining here and I needed a lift, so I re read your post about Brussels sprouts..... Too funny! It was just the laugh I needed. I have a dear friend who eats them raw at all times of the day and night....... Funny funny people! Hope you have had a good day! PA

[glenys48woods]

I typed out a letter to my Uncle in Sydney and shared it with my son Stuart. Afterwards he said to me that I was driving him crazy by the emotions and started to cry for a while just before Deal or No Deal. He wants his old mother back so bad. He asked me about having me back as I was. Then he doesn't want to except these emotions as I dwell on the surgery too much. Will you help me with this please? Then I have been to no support group meetings hardly as I have just been to 4 support groups 2011 and the meeting the forum cancer hot line had in Melton last year. Then I have recently been to the BREACAN in the city just once. Chatting mainly about the mastectomy to them. All I am saying I have been neglected as I have to learn how to cope. It's not fare to have an experience like this one as I feel so bitter with the surgery. Help me please. Thanks Glenys.

[glenys48woods]

it is so hurtful when others are not in the point of viewing how they feel when they know and love you. It's true when the surgery is over they think it is over but it's not. It is so traumatic to go through this kind of experience. I have bitter feelings of the surgery as I had 2 lots of it. The main thing that gets to me is the mastectomy and the diagnoses and the lump out where I had hooked wire 3 mammograms and 4 injections in my breast. I am glad you are over the emotions 90% of them and have friends on line too. You must had the surgery a while back. I will listen to people who understand these type of experience as I have booked myself into 7 seccions at the Queen Vic Womens centre in town and they have good ones too. My story is on line. Thanks Glenys. 0

[SILLY]

My surgery was 2 years ago. Radiation followed. I had my husband and some close friends and family members for emotional support. I decided to try and not think about the ones who were not supportive or seemingly disinterested . Only occasionally the thought pops into my head.I forget about it the rest of the time. I also believe that some people realise you need your privacy and that is another reason they don't ask much. I'd best not dwell on it as it is the way to stir up negative emotions. I try not to live that way .I had enough of that in 2010. When was your surgery(s) ?

[SILLY]

Wombat, I think these comments gradually got a long way away from your post. I apologise for my part in that.

[glenys48woods]

Hi Silly, I had my surgery in 2010 - a lump out on the 4th of Aug and a mastectomy on the 13th of October 2010. It is a bit uncomfortable for me to type your name as Silly but that is what you want as is it your real name? I need to be socialable and need a lot of affection when something happens like this as to me it is terriable to have surgery and want all the support as we scatch each others back. I had about 20 people around me plus a personal friend when I went to threatre who were strangers and staff I think to me but it was so comforting to see them there. It took off the emotions before going into threatre and made me think of them more than going into threatre. The more the merrier I believe. Glenys 0

[SILLY]

Silly is not my real name . I just use it because all we post here can be seen by anyone in the world and it can be out there in cyberspace forever. I want to keep some level of privacy. Your surgery was 6 months after mine .It takes time to deal with all your emotions and physical changes. Have you tried counselling ? It helped me . I didn't think it would but gave it a try. I went to the Cancer Council for help. I try to not let things get to me. Talking to people who have dealt with much more helps too. Head and neck cancers can be very disfiguring and many with my cancer are so much more affected than me. Yet these people are so grateful to be alive . Many have coped with recurrences and metasteses as well . Many have undergone experimental chemos as there is no one chemo regimen for this cancer. Your support group should help you . There is a lot of support out there for breast cancer survivors,not much for other cancer survivors. Use this .In time things get easier.

[glenys48woods]

Hi Wombat, How are you and the family as I have been thinking of you. Glenys.0

[glenys48woods]

Hi Silly, When were you diagnosed and what kind of cancer did you have? If it was breast cancer you can't ignore as if you ignore the breast it's like throwing it away and that hurts you. It would be better if you mentally cuddle the breast as it would be comforting to you. I had my surgury in 2010 and dianosed in June. Had my lump out on the 4th of Aug and a mastectomy on the 13th of October 2010. I have read a book which is called "after cancer a guide to your new life" and it has been good to read it and there isn't many around to purchased either. If you get this book it would be a blessing to you. Glenys 0

[wombat4]

Hi Glenys.0 I hope you are doing as well as possible and getting through the treatment as best you can. I think about the people on this site a lot.I suppose I have moved to the next stage in this journey when the outcome has not been the best, as happens to some, some of course have positive outcomes and move on with a new perspective on life as a survivor. My boys are 30 and as young people are have a good future, ( fingers crossed ) and are moving on with their lives which is good. I am still in the legal complexities of probate for my wife, hopefully that will be finalised this month. Then it is day by day as it is now. God Bless to all. Wombat4

[SILLY]

Glenys, I was diagnosed with a head and neck cancer in February ,2010. I had surgery and 6 weeks of radiation . The tumour was in my nose and tear duct . I am ok for now .

[glenys48woods]

Hi Silly, Glad you are Ok for now as now you have told me about the cancer you had. I can say to you hell that you had it in your nose and tear duct. You poor thing to find that out when you did. We don't notice anything like that till when it happens. I didn't ever think that cancer could be there. Glenys 0

[glenys48woods]

Hi Wombat, You are going through legal complexities as I sympathise with you. I am quite surprised how you are as things aren't still looking up for you. I think of people on this site too a lot. What has been your journey Wombat as it hasn't been a good outcome? I know you would mourn with losing your wife but that is good as she is a good person. I have been through emotional trying time but I am glad I had the mastectomy as it saved my life. I didn't have kemo or radiation but on hormone treatment for 5 years. I got off it lightly to be in the situation I am in. I have beaten the cancer and in a good healthy state. Are you meaning me as a survivor as I have beaten the breast cancer and having a good pysical result but emotional part is trying. I have been dwelling on losing my breast and not gaining my life back. Our breasts are under our noses and I have to put my falsie in a box as early in the piece that wasn't very acceptable for me. There are others in my life that I could mention. being unattached, lob sided, and that is upsetting to me my breast weighing a kelo Thanks for your friendship Wombat as it is important to me too. Glenys 00 goes your way

[SILLY]

It is a rare place to have cancer and it is a rare cancer that I have . I belong to a group on Facebook which is only for people with this cancer and we all help each other . Many are worse off than I .They have had recurrences and lung mets ,both of which are common for this cancer . Many have suffered much more disfigurement from several surgeries . Many are participating in clinical trials with various chemos ,some with success but some with no success. All chemo for this cancer is experimental .I am lucky so far .

[glenys48woods]

Hi Silly, That is good that you are lucky. Glenys

[glenys48woods]

Hi Silly, How did they find that kind of cancer Glenys 0

[SILLY]

I had a growth which they thought was a polyp inside my nose . Then it was biopsied .

[glenys48woods]

Hi Silly, When it was biopsied how did that feel and was it under a local for you? have you got a nose also? Glenys 0

[SILLY]

It was removed under a general anaesthetic and then biopsied . Later there was another operation to remove all the tumour and to get clear margins . My nose is all there ,just a scar down one side .

[glenys48woods]

Hi Silly, Thats good just on one side is a scar.

[glenys48woods]

Hi Silly, If you had breast cancer you would'nt think it goes with negative feelings as what kind of diagnoses is that when you have surgery. We go through that kind of diagnoses and hate the experience. I hated it. Having a diagnoses like that isn't fun and going to threatre is the same way. No woman would line up for this. I feel that we can't push our beloved breast away as that would be hurtful to us. To be comforting to you we mentally cuddle our breast that we lost and not have it on our back to ignore the breast like cuddling a baby. Glenys xx