So, how do I tell my family I'm dying?

[bleh]

So, without going in to great detail at this moment, I have just told my partner how much time I have left, and now I have to tell my family. So, how do I do this? I was hoping I'd have 4 weeks up my sleeve until my next doctors appointment, but my partner snooped around too much and found out that something was very wrong - so I had to tell him... Now I just have to tell my aunt when she gets home...tonight. The funny thing is that they all thought I was a drug addict and didn't have cancer at all. If only that was the case. I'm just not sure how to tell her the gruesome truth.

[bev]

Hey Joanna, What's happened? Hope you are ok.

[#3]

Hi Jo, Your post is heartbreaking. I dont think I have any words of wisdom for you. Just know that Im thinking of you. You are a fighter Joanna but we all have our limits. You just do what feels right for you and that will be right for your family as well. I was about to respond to your p/m, I will do that later on. My thoughts are with you and your family. Take care Vanessa

[bleh]

well, they told me there's no point in continuing treatment at this point...as its not getting anywhere. I wasn't handling the chemo well, so they did a bunch of tests and gave me up to a year. I'm still looking into clinical trials etc, but still, i've gotta tell my family which sucks.

[#5]

There is always hope Joanna. Just keep that hope alive. It's awful for you to have that conversation with them, but Im sure you will feel better once you do. Share the load sweetie, thats what your family are there for, you worry about them but I think you are the one who needs some support close to home right now. Reach out to them, be honest about what YOU are dealing with & go from there. Take care.

[Mrs_Elton]

Joanna, Words seem so empty in light of your news. I am sorry for you, I am sorry for your family, Come and share with us, as and when you need to, the road is gonna be a hard one and you'll need to offload here to lighten your own load as you travel it. Huge cyber hugs to you and your family. Kindest regards, Jill

[bleh]

Well, I tried telling my aunty tonight (who I live with) but she had her own dramas - and to be honest I don't know how to say - "I'm really sorry but I'm dying and leaving you with my 15 month old daughter to look after". Maybe tomorrow I will call the Cancer Helpline... they might have some advice on how to have this talk. I can't remember having it with my mum - I just remember treatment going forever and ever and then I think I basically just came to the conclusion myself. Now I have a headache from crying too much 😞

[WishingStar]

Hi Joanna, Just letting you know my thoughts are with you - there is no right or wrong in this situation. What is right for you and your little girl is the right way. Thinking of you, Nicole

[#9]

I think you should call the cancer helpline or get in touch with your Oncology department at your hospital, they usually have a whole team of people including social workers who will be able to give you some advice. Doctors can not predict the future. We want them to be honest about our prognosis however we all have our own timeline which can not be set by anyone. Facing these things is so hard to do without the support system around you,I think you should bite the bullet and have the conversation you are dreading and when its done you will feel a weight lifted off you shoulders. Your concern for them is understandable but I have been a patient and a family member and I know that its always harder to be the patient. We cant forgot our families and what they are going through but YOU are the one who is unwell and facing the uncertainties... Please, speak to someone. Start with the cancer helpline then make an appointment with a social worker and take your Aunt with you. Maybe it will be easier with someone else there. Anyone with children should have the "what if" conversation even if they are well. I hope you are feeling a bit better today. Let us know how you go. Take care.

[CATS]

Joanna - I am so so sorry to hear of your news - for me you are the little bright spark on this site. You are always thinking of others which I will speak for all of us - we really appreciate. Now is your time with your darling gorgeous little daughter and your partner and family. Think of yourself and them and just know that they love you and always will. Everyone who has had the pleasure of speaking to you on the various sites find you to be such an inspiration and a truly lovely woman- no one can ever take that away. Hey you never know - some super scientist may just be finishing his toast and think - yes if I do this,then this, and maybe that- Y E S I think I have the cure for cancer! Now wouldn't that be wonderful - I'm sure you don't feel overly positive at the moment - but keep your sense of humour, keep laughing, find something funny everyday and above all get that little bub of yours giggling. Take care my dear and remember sooo many people are thinking of you and some of us are praying for you too. Talk soon Joanna take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooooooooooxxxxxxxxxxxxxxmeeeeow

[margc]

DEAR JOANNA, I FELT SUCH TERRIBLE SORROW READING YOUR BLOG,TEARS FLOWED FREELY THINKING OF YOU, YOUR DAUGHTER AND HUSBAND, I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES AND YOU DESERVE ONE SO I WILL THINK POSITIVE AND SEND LOVE YOUR WAY, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF CYBER HUGS MARGC

[samex]

Hi Joanna, I can only restate what the ohters have said but hope that the number of times that we send our thoughts to you will help you through this. I too would recommend the cancer help line. Someone outside of the immediate situation may be thr right person to help. There are no right words or actions except for following your heart and doing and saying what you feel will give you peace. Please take some more cyber hugs, Samex

[Teacher_Mum]

Hi Jo, Poo. Bum. Like everyone else has said here, Cancer Council Helpline. There are some materials like "When the cancer won't go away" that may help with the process of coming to terms with it and I suppose the 'handling of people' and their reactions to our news. xxxxxx *hugs* Teach.

[Sailor]

Hi Joanna Several people have already suggested the cancer helpline and that is great advice. Over the last few months I have had several friends die of cancer. One didn't really have time to tell their family, it was a month from diagnosis to the funeral. One was well past their use by date so the family had been expecting it for a long time. My friendy had a good quality of life up until a few days before they died. Another just decided that enough was enough, any more treatment was futile and just told the family that they were not having any more treatment. One member of the family did not accept it and made life difficult towards the end by keeping on insisting that my friend ought to have more treatment. Several years ago a colleague diagnosed at the same time as I was, was told that she had at the most three weeks to live - gather the family around. The family came from all over the world, said their good byes and she went on to live another four months. She told me in our weekly telephone conversations that she felt such a fraud, but on the other hand it gave her time to tidy up a lot of loose ends, to write the story of some of the artifacts she had round the place and what they meant to her. We used to joke that if she didn't answer the 'phone when I called on Tuesday and hadn't rung me by Wednesday of each week, then I would get on the web and look up her obituary. Many, many years ago I heard another story of a young man dying of an incurable genetic condition. Just before he died he asked a friend to get some photo's printed that he wanted to give to different people. The friend complied and when they were delivered the young man wanted to pay for them. The friend wouldn't accept payment and told the young man to have them as a going away present. So I hope the next days/weeks/months for you are good ones. That they enable you make all those arrangement that you will have to make . That you will have good care and a good quality of life but above all peace. Regards Sailor And when the day arrives I'll become the sky and I'll become the sea and the sea will come to kiss me for I am going home. Nothing can stop me now. Trent Reznor

[Jules2]

Hi Jo Apologies for coming in late on this. Please get some help from someone whether it be the cancer help line or a ssocial worker from your hospital. you do not have to cope with all of this on your own and nor should you. My heart goes out to you and i wish i could do more than send you words and cyber hugs. Julie xo

[samex]

Beautiful words Sailor for such a difficult time. Such peace in the quote. S

[#17]

I am so sorry Joanna & words, i know, are not enough but i am thinking of you & your family right now. I hope you were able to contact the cancer council & also someone suggested your oncology department maybe able to help. I agree that someone on the outsied may have better advice for you about telling your family. Your a fighter Jo & there is always hope out there, big cyber hugs.........Mez xox

[benlisecca]

Just thinking of you and your family Joanna. Hugs to you all. Sharon