Still exhausted but no longer scared, just sad

[jan52]

Something changed in my heart over the weekend, a shift from scared and bewildered to an overwhelming sadness for the man who is still with me in body, yet no longer with me wholly in spirit, seemingly between two worlds. My only wish for him now is peace from the suffering. I will miss him when he is gone, will miss him so much my heart will ache for him. But then I miss him already! I have already begun to grieve for him. What a cruel and unforgiving disease brain cancer is!

[peanutz]

I hear you and understand what you are going through. It is sad that there will come a time when the least we could do is letting someone we love go.

[Tamara]

Xxxxxoooooo

[exhausted]

Oh Jan, our men are walking a very similar path. I completely understand, one day at time that's all I can offer. But oh God I wish it was over.

[jan52]

One day at a time yes, but those days are so long and I am so tired! I hear you, I too just wish, for his sake mostly, that it was over. If there was hope I might keep my darling I would do anything, fight for however long I had to but that is not to be, so let his suffering, and mine, come to an end.

[jan52]

Thanks Tamara, right back at ya xx

[jan52]

The most loving gift we can offer, I feel, is letting our loved ones go when there is no hope, only pain and confusion.

[peanutz]

I know what you mean. In a way I feel so blessed that my partner was with me until the day before he died. Who would have thought a man who nodded in agreement and all smiley when his mate asked whether he was going to watch the grand final game the next day would take his last breathe 18 hours later? But then I also wish to have more time with him. Big Hug for you Jan.

[storm]

Hi Jan Big Hugs Geoff XOXO

[Rain_76]

I am so sorry because I totally understand and know what you are talking about. I hate saying this but I have been there and done it with my beloved husband, but the end didn't come easy as his heart was too strong. I wish you didn't have to go through it or anyone else, Lots of hugs and be strong, Lorraine.

[jan52]

I got out of the house today, everyone said I needed to, and I know it's true but I, in my infinite stupidity, chose to go to a shopping centre that John and I frequented. So many memories and there was Christmas stuff everywhere! I just wanted to shout at everyone "how dare you be happy and go about your Christmas shopping while my husband lays dying???" He is slipping further and further from me....hardly ever awake, refusing food, pills.... I told Palliative Care the other day on one if their 'visits' that he was having trouble urinating. He really needs to go but has trouble getting it started. I stand with bottle in place for up to an hour their solution? Tell him to pee in his incontinence pad! Well today he hasn't been able to go since 9 am and it's now 7:30 pm. If he was able to go in his pad he would do it in his sleep wouldn't he? Palliative Care in this area need to rename themselves 'Palliative I-don't-give-a-damn'! They have repeatedly told me I should put him in a hospice but I know he wants to pass at home! Apparently if you wish to care for your loved ones at home during their transition from this life then you can bloody well do it without help. Equipment they arranged, hospital bed, lifter (which is very heavy to use) etc... After that? Nothing! Okay rant over, feel a little better (not really)....thanks for listening folks 🙂

[SILLY]

I can't really imagine what it must be like to be going through all this . I can imagine the great sadness all around you . I hope you get some comfort from this site .