Stuck at an emotional crossroad

[#1]

I feel like i'm at a crossroad at the moment. It's nearly coming up to four months (next wk) since Ben (husband) has passed. I'm going through all the emotions of losing someone so close and dear to me but also are feeling like I need to get back on the wagon of life (so to speak) and try to move forward with my own life. I know that this is what Ben would of wanted for me but I have these terrible guilty feelings that maybe I should't be. I keep thinking about what others may think or worse actually what they may say to me (negative rather than positive words). I already returned to work in December to try and do something to keep me preoccupied and unfortunately bills don't pay themselves. Maybe I am trying to move on too quickly but then again what is the point of mopping around home all the time, its not going to bring back my husband. Are there others out there that are going through some same feelings or have done in the past, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

[Sailor]

Hi Doofette1 Sound like you are pretty normal to me. However, that is actually not much help to you. There is some great stuff out there on dealing with grief. The Cancer Council Helpline 13 11 20 can direct you to some of this, or even a session or two with a grief counsellor. I found that what this did for me, many years ago, was simply let me know that what I was going through was just part of the normal process of grieving. People kept telling me to get over it, or get on with life, but that didn't help. Knowing that what I was going through was normal did. There used to be a great little book out there called "Good Grief" I found it very help but I don't know if it is still available. I had a copy but loaned it to someone. Take care Sailor For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one. Kahlil Gibran

[larn75]

Hi Doofette1 I dont see how wanting to get on with your life can be a bad thing. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind so dont give a thought to what others will think. Anyone who truly cares about you will want you to live your life. Take little steps and listen to your feelings. I wish you all the best in living Alana

[strong]

hi Doofette1 - for me it has been 12 years since my husband died - I am now 62 - no the grief doesnt go away, it just blends into each day. The journey goes on and the the intensity of the grief gets less with time and easier to bear. Family and friends and lots to do make all the difference, but at days end the bed is still empty except for you - that for me is the hardest part ! ! I have never said this to anyone so I suppose it is a moment for me too. If you have children it is important to remain focused for them - mine were 18 and 20 - so a critical time in their education at University - this helped us cope. Stay strong claudia

[thaker]

Hi 4 March will be 4 months since my hubby passed.I know what you mean about moving forward without being criticised for moving on but you are right, your husband would not want you to mope forever. I went back to work in Jan because as you say the bills dont pay themselves and I have two little girls who need me to keep things running.The thing to remmeber is even when you are ready to get involved with life again, it does not mean your grieving has ended. We all grieve differently and you may be ok most of the time but be set off by certain events or memories. I have given myself permission to move forwards but I know I continue to grieve. Although the wedding vows say til death do us part some bonds are just never forgotten. I can understand what you are going through. Be gentle to yourself. Sangeeta