getting very frustrated

[dazza2010]

Lately I have been getting more and more frustrated, my wife keeps telling people that the doctors are going to operate to take out her ovaries when her lung function improves, also the tumor in her head if that grows.The fact that the cancer is in her lung, head and bones and we have been told its terminal and they are only looking at controlling the pain with medication. Part of me wants to tell her that the surgery isn't going to happen, they did tell her that her health is not good enough to undergo the operations but on the other hand, I don't want to take away that hope either. Don't know what to do, its driving me crazy and stressing me.

[Stace]

Hi Dazza You poor thing, it must be so hard for you! I have been reading your posts over time but havent known what to write to you. I too have suffered cancer and maybe thats what you wife needs to believe to get her through this, dont correct her, it will be hard but if thats what is getting her through and her way of coping maybe just go with it. I know how hard it can be from your side of things aswell as i lost my beautiful mother to cancer and its very hard and frustrating being the carer. Do you get time out for yourself? Kind regards Stacey

[wombat4]

Go along with it dazza. It is your wifes way of coping and it dosnt do any harm at this stage What is the alternative? a few home truths, no, that wont help you or her.Once it is said it cant be retracted and you may regret saying it. wombat4

[dazza2010]

Thanks for your advice Stacey, I had thought of not saying anything to her because it could be her way of holding on to some hope. At this stage, I haven't had a chance to have anytime to myself since my wife was diagnosed which has been over about 6 weeks now.

[dazza2010]

Thanks Wombat4, I know telling her won't help either of us, that's the most frustrating part. It might be just her way of coping and holding onto some small amount of hope.

[Tina_Basson]

Hi Dazza,My heart goes out to you,it is very hard not to feel frustration and despair when you know that things probably are not going to happen the way your lovely wife says they are.For her that thought gives her a purpose and strength I guess and in that she may feel that she still has a small amount of control over things. I Lost my dearest friend to multiple cancers last november and at times I felt frustration and despair as she wouldnt talk,plan or even acknowledge her diagnosis of being terminal.Looking back and now having cancer myself has taught me that maybe it was the only way she could cope and get through what was happening.Stay strong and look after yourself physically and emotionally and know there are people out here who care.Hugs and wishes Tina

[Pamela]

Hi Dazza My thoughts are that your dear wife is fully aware of her situation. Although this may be her way of coping with it herself, I suggest that she may be doing this to help those who love and care about her, some of whom may know the truth, some maybe not. She may well be stating the truth: that if by some miracle she did improve, that doctors would operate. She would also be fully aware that without improvement, there will be no further surgery. It is important that you somehow find a way to have some time for yourself. Can family or friends help out to give you a day (or half a day) to do some favourite pastime? I do wish you inner strength and a sense of peace beyond the craziness that cancer causes. Enjoy daily moments and try not to let frustration and fear of the future take these away from you both.