not liking this one bit...

[confusedwife87]

My husband has been diagnosed with prostate cancer.  He is now starting chemotherapy and is going on his 3rd visit later this month.  This last Sunday was a terrible day.  He blew up at me for telling him that I didn't sound like that when he was exaggerating something that I said.  I have NEVER seen him like this.  He yelled so loudly and was sooo angry at me and kept saying I don't give a @*** as to what happens to him.  I tried to talk to him without yelling and he just kept screaming at me.  He told me to just leave, get in the car and go somewhere.  I ended up yelling back and he kept threatening me to block me out and we won't talk for the rest of the day.  I couldn't understand where this is coming from and meanwhile he screaming at me telling me, "what's wrong with you anyways, something is really wrong with you."  I finally got him to listen to lets just start over.  However, I can't stop thinking about how cruel he was to me for nothing.... I can't bring myself to be relaxed around him and I really dread this upcoming chemotherapy, for fear he will react like this again. 

I'm trying to act somewhat normal around him, but I find I don't want to be near him.  He keeps asking me if he did something wrong.  If I said yes,  You scared me and you were cruel to me it would open another can of worms and the argument would start again.  I just lie and say he's done nothing, but he knows I'm not as I was in the past.  He keeps trying to make me talk when he normally would want to be left alone and ignore me while watching tv.  Now he keeps asking me questions that I can't figure out why he would be asking them. 

Has anyone gone through this after the second round of chemo with their spouse??  I don't really what to do and I have NO one to talk to.  Any suggestions would be so helpful.  Thank you 

[Jkhoo2022]

My husband has just passed. He was diagnosed end 2016, had radiation and hormone therapy. We thought he had a new lease on life but then early 2018 the cancer had metastasised to the bone. After being operated, radiation and chemo he recovered but the cancer was an aggressive strain and came back early this year and spread to his liver and lungs. He fought to the end. I cared for him through out his cancer journey and the last few months and weeks were very hard on him and me. He tried his best to be a good patient and I did my best to be a good carer. I guess at the end we just have to be more compassionate and understanding for what our husband is going through. For everyday that he was alive I take comfort in knowing that we have more time together and there may still be a slight chance that things will turn around. I don't know how to comfort you, I can only share with you what I have been through. I hope it will help you.

[confusedwife87]

I'm so sorry for what you and your husband are going through.   Thanks for your reply. 

[Eldestdaughter]

Hi, I’m so sorry for what you are going through. It must be frightening if this is a new pattern of behaviour. My only experience with some behaviour changes were after my Dad had radiation to his brain lesions. The Dr explained that there would be swelling in his brain for a while and to monitor changes. He did start to curse more in our company and especially at my Mum ( his primary carer). He also started to urinate in a public place once in a garden ( he had been waiting in the car a while and not near a toilet) but he would never normally act in this way.

I am not experienced with the symptoms of chemotherapy but perhaps you could call palliative care or your husbands Doctor ( in private) to ask if  this change in behaviour is to be expected or some coping mechanisms/tips for if it occurs again. Take care, I hope you can find some answers or support.

[Jodes77]

Hi, it must be so frustrating for you to be going through this whilst supporting your husband at the same time. Such trying times for you both. I have a recent diagnosis of rectal cancer metastasis to liver and have had x2 chemo sessions with the 3rd this coming Wednesday. After my 1st session I had some strange side effects with what I can only explain as anxiety/jitters to give you the short version, which I mentioned to my oncologist. She suggested these were due to the steroids I have as part of my chemo and adjusted the dosage which significantly reduced the side effects. She also prescribed me Lorazepam. 

I am not saying this is the 'fix' for your husband and I am obviously unsure if he has steroids as a part of his treatment but I have read that they can cause mood changes. I understand you may not want to bring what happened up to your husband but it may help if you somehow can and then together inform one of his doctors or nurses who may be able to pinpoint the cause, especially since it is out of character.

Good Luck loving wife and wishing the best possible outcome for your husband.

[stirling]

Hello, Im sorry to hear about your situation and of course your husbands. You wrote in March so I'm wondering if anything has changed. 

Relating my own case might be helpful.

My treatment had begun which included a slew of medication, some of it toxic and I became concerned and shocked that it was in fact true that I had Cancer. The reality hit home.

My memory was affected and thinking became problematic and slow. I had a confrontation with a neighbour, very unpleasant. He was a new tenant and playing music between 2am and 3 am. My attitude was really shocking to me  and I guess my neighbour also. Even more dumb was that it was the wrong neighbour. Needless to say I apologised but I was bothered by my action and doubled down on my patience and tolerence.

Being affected by weird meds and knowing I really did have the big C with a limited time left isn't really an excuse.

Im learning to live with this now. 

Its my sincere hope your situation is better.

Peace is a  much better way to cope.

Sj