Hello there, I am new to this site but I am reaching out because I feel I am struggling and I feel I need to talk to someone before I fall in a heap.
My mum was diagnosed in 2011 with bowel cancer. Numerous doctors appointments, operations and treatments later she finally had a year cancer 'free' in 2014. The tumour came back with a vengeance Jan 2015 and now here we are digesting the news that we have done all we can. As of Jan 2016 the cancer has spread to lungs, liver and pelvis despite our best efforts. Even writing this has been hard. We are accepting the fact that we do not have long, months - if that, with mum.
I have 2 sisters, 1 brother and my dad along with a massive extended family. All of these people provide support (ironing, cooking, mum's company etc), but despite that I feel I cannot talk to anyone about the billions of emotions I experience on a daily basis.
I do not live at home with my parents, but I find myself there everyday. I cook the meals, walk the dog, take mum to appointments and most importantly provide her with the support she needs. I also organise a 'roster' for other family members to be there and look after mum. I feel am needing to be the rock of the family for us to continue on.
Without rambling on much more, I am struggling. I made the decision to start uni this year...when things were looking ok...and now I am not excited about the idea more terrified. People are telling me to do something for myself but that is the last thing on my mind..Who will look after mum when I can't? Who will do the shopping? How will she feel if I'm not there? What will happen to study when she does leave us?
I am really starting to crumble and my 'happy-go-lightly' facade is failing me and I needed to have someone to talk to/draw advice from on how to cope and ultimately survive.
Any advice? Or even similar stories so I am not so alone in this.
Thank you
Rosie