I'm here to meet people and vent, get advice from others who are in the same situation.

Tamara
Occasional Contributor

Re: I'm here to meet people and vent, get advice from others ...

Hi Sandra, How are you going today? How's that cheeky grandson of yours, making you smile is he? you must never want to let him go! If you don't mind me asking was your son married? Today wasn't so good for me 😞 my Dad couldn't breathe and my son didn't know and was just standing there saying goodbye as we were about to head out in the car. You see my Dad has a tracheotomy in to help him breathe and if that gets blocked..... He stops breathing. He has had a few code blues in hospital and its really scary!! It's hard to watch the rock in my life who gave my life meaning, my security for so many years and who I went to for all the answers, in so much pain and so scared at times. It's horrible even for him to see me looking at him so helpless. I'm his daughter and he hates me seeing him like this. I lay next to him like I'm 5 years old again and never want to let him go! Daddy's little girl, even though I'm married with 2 kids 😉 xx
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tatsoi
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Re: I'm here to meet people and vent, get advice from others ...

Hi Tamara, I'm going ok thanks busy how are you? how's dad? I'm not with my dad every day...so I guess it's easy for me to get absorbed in the other things in life. but when I have some time to myself...I have a good sob. when i read your words about laying next to your dad and feeling like you're 5 years old and never wanting to let him go...i cry how beautiful it is that you have so much love for him... I haven't seen my dad for about three weeks now...I'm missing him.I've been seeing him at least every 2-3 weeks since his operation...he's been so busy too - appointments, visitors, going here and there...he gets tired. anyway...not sure when I'll visit next...but i can't wait too long! I talked to him yesterday...nothing back from his mri yet...so hopefully that's good news... he's been depressed, but is seeing a psychologist and getting treatment and is feeling better and he's been bush walking and gardening. Glad he can do these things, as they are important to him...got to love the small triumphs! look after yourself... sending love and healing x
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Tamara
Occasional Contributor

Re: I'm here to meet people and vent, get advice from others ...

Haven't been on here for a while, things have been tough. I've learnt to accept the situation though so i suppose that's the first step. Cancer I loath you!
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tatsoi
Contributor

Re: I'm here to meet people and vent, get advice from others ...

Hi Tamara, sorry things aren't so good for you right now. :( So your dad isn't going so well? It seems acceptance is a flowing process...for me anyway..sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not. Be kind to yourself, this is such hard stuff. I finally got to spend some time with my dad on the weekend. Had such a great time with him...these are very precious moments. Take care and message me anytime... It sucks when one of your most favourite people are sick! XX
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Re: I'm here to meet people and vent, get advice from others ...

Hi Tamara I lost my dad 18 months ago to terminal cancer, I’m 29 and am getting married next year. He only met my partner twice on skype and unfortunately I was living in London when he died. I frantically flew home when I found out he was going downhill and missed his passing by six hours. Coming from me, make sure you spend as much time with him as you can. Tell your kids about who he was before the cancer (if they are old enough to understand) so they know he was a great man before he got sick. My dad wrote a few stories for my sister’s kids; I cherish these little books now (we all got copies). I wrote my dad a letter telling him exactly what he meant to me and how grateful I was to have him, which my sister read to him whilst he was in his final days. When I have kids, they will know exactly who their grandfather was. Your mother is going to need lots of support, my mother is still struggling with my dad’s passing. They were together 40 years and I’ve told her that she needs to be kind to herself, no one actually expects her to “get over it” – just to find an area of peace and happiness. I would advise her to join a support group, if your father passes she will need lots of people to talk to. She will need to make new friends, especially other widows/single women if possible. My mum is surrounded by couples which is hard for her because she feels like the odd one out and it makes it difficult to find people to go on holiday with/go out dancing with etc. Things like hobby groups are good too. How do you go on? Well you take it one day at a time, break down together if you need to, try to keep upbeat around your dad because it will be really tough for him. I loved my father more than I can actually put into words; he was my hero and a great man. I go on because I know he would shake my shoulders and tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself; life is for living and not to waste my life with sadness. I miss him all the time but I don’t bother with the guilt’s or what if – I was living my dream when he passed away, something he was so proud of and supportive of. I am grateful for the time I did have with him, whilst it was too short; I got to have the best father in the whole wide world. One who taught me the meaning of being a good person, being brave and being an adventurer. He shaped who I am and he lives on through me and my siblings. I’m sure your dad would feel exactly the same. So in summary: spend as much time with him now as possible, tell him what he means to you, be kind to yourself, understand that grieving takes time, try not to mourn what you’ll miss – be grateful for the time you had with him and keep the strong, masculine, bold, wise, handsome and healthy man alive in your memories and stories to your children. Take care
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Tamara
Occasional Contributor

Re: I'm here to meet people and vent, get advice from others ...

Very late but a million thanks for your reply!!! I even forwarded your post onto my Mum and brother!!!! You are a very lovely person and so kind to reply to me!!! Right now I'm sitting by my fathers side he has been sedated!!! It's so horrible and I can not get out of my head the image that has been embedded in my brain! At 3.30am this morning I heard my mums scream come through the phone, I bolted from the back yard and when I ran in my face turned white as I saw the amount of blood coming out of his nose, mouth & trackie. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and I thought he was dying then and there! The ambulance came took him to emergency where the were going to give him bloods but my poor dad waved his hand and signed no more!!! I missed him by ten minutes to say goodbye before he was sedated!!! Guttered and now we are just waiting for him to pass. My son has been and said goodbye, he was so brave! I'm just so upset, so, so heartbroken ;(
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