I need some help! Wanting the right person to talk to (Counselling)

[melbourneboybor]

Hi Guys, Well, here I am. Of course you don't remember me - but I used to frequent these forums 2 years ago. 2 years ago when both my older sister and father BOTH got diagnosed with Cancer. And what a ride its been I feel like I've been grieving these two years. That I've been depressed these two years. Dad passed away recently. He fought so hard and more importantly - when he passed, as much as it pains me to have him gone - I feel so relieved. Like a weight has been lifted. I feel guilty - but I know Dad understands. And more importantly, despite how I feel... we had the best 2 years. While we could - we travelled, we spent time as a family, we had dinners and lunches and all things. We did the BEST WE COULD with what we had... and again, while it pains me he's gone... I take a little bit of satisfaction knowing he's not in pain and that we did what we could. For my sister - well, only the future knows what that holds. Sorry for going off on a tangent... but I haven't really vented after losing dad. What's happened to me is 2 years of grief. Anxiety, Worry and now... I'm in a real state of mind. I know I've been depressed and now, the worst is that I"m developing hyperchondria or cancer-anxiety... which I know is common losing a love one... but its debilitating me. The minute my daughter gets a fever, leaukemia. The minute she drinks a lot of water, Kidney Cancer... the minute she has the runs, bowel cancer. I am absolutely losing my mind with CANCER anxiety for my children. This week my daughter had a fever and as quick as it came, as quick it went - but for the past 5 days I've been checking her temprature 12 times a day, feeling her forehead... obsessing with it. Sorry guys - I'm going in to gory detail - but I know in my own mind that I'm losing control. My anxiety and hyperchondria almost makes me faint and my stomach churns. I easily spent TODAY thinking about my daughter having cancer at least 100 times. I know I've lost Dad and I know I'm watching my sister fight her battle. But as I said to my wife... I cant continue living this way in this constant state of fear. Its terrorfying. I need to talk to someone who can assist with this sort of anxiety or hyperchondria Thanks for reading

[little_stitcher]

Hi, It sounds like you know that you're struggling, which is a good place to start. Maybe talking to your GP will help, they should be able to link you up with a counsellor. It would probably be most helpful to see someone who has had experience with issues to do with cancer. Good luck, and keep us posted- we're all here for you. Emily

[melbourneboybor]

HI Emily, Thanks for your reply. It means a lot to me that you'd take the time out of your day to respond. Some moments are good - others are crippling. Write now typing this, I feel great - not a worry in the world... but I know the minute my mind plays a trick on me with my daughter I'll literally spiral into almost panic. I've tried once before with a councerllor - a while ago and I just didn't mesh with her that well. I guess I"m here as I'm wanting to find someone who can perhaps specifically help with Cancer or anxiety related type mental health issues. BUt again - thanks for your reply. Appreciate it

[Jules2]

HOpe you find someone to talk to. It is tough to deal with cancer and all that it entails. Tough enough to lose a parent at any time. You know that what is going on with you is not right, so here's hoping you can find a way to get it into perspective. I think we all struggle from time to time to not worry or panic over things that could well be something else. I try and work on the premise that it is nothing until I am told otherwise and work really hard to keep my head in that place. Hope you are feeling ok at the moment and that you can find someone. I know the cc has a help line that you can use if you feel the need. Julie

[melbourneboybor]

Thanks for replying. I appreciate it. It helps talking about it

[lawman]

Hi and hello. I'm sorry for your grief. You sound informed and willing to move forward, as hard as it must be, with help. I wish you well. I trust you check your needs out with your GP. I send you best wishes and special regards. Feel free, and everyone would encourage you, to write, share, vent, whatever you need on these pages. Good luck, George.

[melbourneboybor]

Thanks George All the best to you too on your journey

[FeelingHelpless]

You will prevail, give yourself time. Please don't worry about what might happen and enjoy your kids with a lighter heart. They will pick up on your panic and it will do them no good. Relax and take each day as it comes. Funny telling you this "take each day as it comes" because right now my youngest daughter actually has an incurable blood cancer and I tell myself this every day. This forum is a great resource for people like us because we are communicating with people who understand what we are going through. The fear is so debilitating and serves no purpose other than to make us sick too. You can do this. Be a warrior for your children. I wish I could say god bless you, however I no longer believe there is a god. I do believe in love. Love to you and your family.