Im new here

[#1]

Hi there, This is my first time here. Im a 25 year old kiwi living in Perth and my father (52) has pancreatic cancer. He was first diagnosed in 2007 and had surgery and came clear. Unfortunately the cancer came back in November and he was given a prognosis of a year, maybe 2 with treatment. He had 5 weeks of chemo and radio in January/February, and unfortunately the results have come back unsuccessful. The cancer has spread everywhere and he has about 6-8 weeks. He has gone downhill very fast and its a lot to comprehend - its a real rollercoaster... Im sure you would all understand 😞

[DizzyDee]

Dear Seashell, I can completely understand how you are feeling. The anger and fear can be overwhelming. All I can say to you is just make sure he knows you love him. If at anytime you would like to chat, just send me a message. Unfortunately I lost my Dad on the 8th of May, but this site helped me so much to vent and just to know that others empathised with me, made some things a little easier. Hugs Dizzy

[Jods77]

Dear Seashell, We are all here for you. I too am losing my Dad quickly and at the same time trying to enjoy the time we have left. While the medicos can place time on life we also need to stay in the present and not let dates get in the way as hard as that can be. Make sure you talk to friends, family and others and express your love to your Dad. Take care and thoughts are with you xo

[#4]

Hi DizzyDee and Jods, Thank you both for your supportive messages, Its so refreshing not to hear the whole "keep positive I know xyz that was given 1 week to live and hes still here 1 million years later" thing. because that gets really old and it makes me angry to hear it! DizzyDee Im very sad to hear of your Dads passing, but its really nice that you can still come back here and continue getting support, which will help your grieving a lot I would think. I have a wonderful workplace that are allowing me a lot of leniency in the way of time off, which is good as family from NZ have been arriving and its been great to see them and of course spend a whole week with Dad. One thing I notice is that everyone fusses over him which he isnt too keen on... I try and hang back and only ask him if he'd like water etc when I can see that his bottle is low. I think he appreciates it, and although conversations are a bit of a struggle for him most of the time, I think that me being there often and doing the usual goodnight hug etc and just keeping things as normal as possible between us is helpful for him. He knows how much I love him, Ive always been a dads girl.

[Jules2]

Hey seashell I am sorry to read of your father's diagnosis, pancreatic cancer is a difficult one. Like you i was a daddy's girl and i still miss my dad today even though he passed away 9 years ago. I do feel for you having to go through what you are going through. I am sure your dad really appreciates all that you do for him. Julie

[diannep52]

Hi Seashell, I am so sorry to hear about your dad, I 'lost' my mum to pancreatic cancer 2 years ago (just 2 months before I got my advanced breast cancer diagnosis). We (my sister and I) cared for mum at home as she wanted to 'die at home' - all I can say is 'it aint easy!!!' watching the ones we love fight to sustain a quality of life. Like you, I cant stand the "keep positive I know xyz that was given 1 week to live and hes still here 1 million years later" - 'normal' people just dont seem to get the whole 'cancer thing' and dont know what it is like to have cancer or be the carer of a loved one who is dying. I have said all along, it is far harder to cope as the carer (speaking from my own experience) than it is to be the patient (my own experience again, as I have seen this 'journey' from both sides!). I can relate to you being 'dad's girl'. I lost my dad to thymus cancer (which had spread to every organ in his body - no treatment options were given as it was too advanced). He passed away 16 years ago and I miss him as much today as I did then. He was just the most wonderful man and both he and mum will live in my heart forever!! Your dad will be glad of the normality you are bringing into his life at the moment, love him lots and enjoy the time you have left together. My heart goes out to you and your dad. hugs to you and dad! Di 🙂

[Ianvs]

ps Don't be to hard on him when his cuddle meter is empty (you will know because he will be grumpy) , it drains so quickly when you have cancer.

[Ianvs]

Hi seashell I too am new here And as a dad with cancer, I can see the pain it causes others. I have a few small tips that I hope can help you through the journey with him. 1) We all have a cuddle meter , the thing inside us that measures how much we are loved by others. It is a vessel that can be filled and can be drained To fill it up is easy , saying I love you and better still giving them a cuddle to pass the love to them . The bonus is it works both ways, the giver and the receiver get their cuddle meters filled up. Sadness and illness drain the cuddle meter very quickly and if its empty to long then depression and other negative states occur. So be happy around him and give him lots of cuddles , not as easy as it sounds under the circumstances. 2) The emotional shock waves that are generated by such events are very strong and like the NZ earth quake they have many after shocks, you need to learn how to feel an emotional after shock as it comes on , through simple breathing techniques control them so that they are not overwhelming. By slowing your breathing down , and focusing on the breathing, you will bring your heart rate down and slow the rate the emotional chemicals are traveling around your body. These emotional chemicals are needed for us to deal with very dangerous situations but can also make us unbalanced if we get to much, like anything else. I hope this is of some help.

[s_]

Hi lanvs Very sound advise. I lost my dad 17yrs ago to cancer. My mum survived breast cancer 1996 & 2002 and now sadly has terminal, inoperable cholangiocarcinoma (cancer of the bile duct). She is amazing and always so positive. I get on the emotional rollercoaster and some days are better than others. She is doing really well at the moment (touch wood) and I must remember to continue giving her her goodnight hugs. I love her so much and am dreading the time that I will miss her. I am also dreading the downward sprial that I know will come before the end. I sometimes forget that she doesn't get as many hugs as me (I have a very loving and supportive partner thankfully) and when she is so well I tend to take it for granted - tomorrow I will continue with the nightly hugs - thank you for the reminder. Hope you are doing well. S