My mom was always my best friend. She was diagnosed with lung cancer stage 3b in March. It didn’t come as s shock because she did enjoy smoking (60 years) and refused to believe it could be harmful. She successfully underwent radiation & chemo-her tumor shrunk by at least 35%.
However, she is no longer “my” mom. Yes, she will always be the woman who gave birth to me. But for all practical purposes, I’ve already lost her.
When she does leave her bedroom (she locks herself inside & just stays in fhd dark/bed) it’s merely to emotionally abuse me. She says the most God awful things to me: calling me ugly, liar, loser-the negativity is draining me.
Logically, I believe she is projecting her anger about herself into me. I gave up my career to care for her. But all she wants to say about that is a lack of cash flow. No one-not one soul-has called or visited her. This is how mean she is. It has become untenable. She even had mini strokes last week-she began a new immunotherapy treatment which I do not like-and still no one cares.
I am alone taking care of a woman who has become a stranger. I am not a health professional, but depended on to be her driver/cook/personal shopper/nurse/housemaid-slave. She always said she’d never want her child taking care of her-but demands it.
I’ve tried to be understanding. I’ve tried to help. I’ve taken her abuse & placed it to the side, I’ve tried to see everything from her point of view. But now, it’s enabling bad behavior. She will be alone bc I won’t go down with this sinking ship. There is no excuse for a person, especially s mom, to treat people so badly, I can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be rescued. The docs dong take it seriously. But I’m leaving on vacation this weekend-my boyfriend is treating me to 2 days away-which yes, she’s already placed s negative spin on-and I haven’t decided if I’m returning,
Hi @caspermom, how are you doing today?
Thank you for sharing your story, I hope you managed to get away on your vacation with your boyfriend, it sounds like you definitely needed the time away
Have you mentioned the mini-strokes and the dramatic behaviour change to her oncologist or treatment team(s)? The dramatic behaviour change alone is concerning, I'd be definitely getting that followed up.
Hoping you're ok!
Thank you very much for responding! The vacation is this weekend-she was happy I was going until today, when she turned cruel again. I even treated her to a new haircut by a stylist so she could look in the mirror and feel better about herself. The gratitude lasted maybe 15 minutes. Yes, I mentioned the emotional ups/downs to the oncologist but he didn’t pay it any mind. Her GP did and set up time for us with his Social Worker that he had on staff. She acted weird during the session; denying she says things, and acting like she’s so appreciative of me. It’s quite disturbing but-the GP has known her for years & didn’t buy it. He told her I’m “wonderful” & explained that I’m her advocate. She didn’t respond. Today she decided to take her anger out on my new puppy. The GP thinks it could be dementia.
The fact is I’ve lost my mother already, for all practical purposes. I’m just watching further destruction day by day.
Youre so sweet to reach out. Thank you. Your support means more to me than you can know. ❤️❤️
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