My husband has cancer and depression

[Billiezoe]

Well few weeks ago my husband had what they called a mild stroke, they couldn't find the cause but then after doing some scans & test they found what they said was lesions on his lungs. More test and it come down to the fact he had testicular cancer and it had spread to his lungs. Basically the doctor said his body smart and gave him a warning that he was not well. They have set up 3 months of chemo starting tomorrow. We decided be best if he stays at his parents while getting treatment. (we both 35 we have 3 primary school kids and I work full-time) His mum has retired (his dad still works) she has the time to get him to appointments and look after him I have no choice but to work now as I am the only one with the income as his work has been put on hold for now. (has not been there long only 4 mths so does not have much in holiday or sick leave to cover the next few months - and my self same only been at my job 6 mths same situation) But he will come home in-between cycles and/or when he feels better (he only 15 min drive away) So I will be playing single mum role in the middle of all of this, but we think its is the best option for getting him better and not putting too much on the children either. The other factor is he suffer depression, I would say it was not too bad but have found out that for a long time he has been in a pretty dark place that he has been hiding from myself. I know it common for people to get depression when going through treatment but what about those that already have depression even before getting diagnosed or treatment? He does not see a regular psychologist etc, something I should of push months ago but didn't but I am sure there some sort of help he can access while going through this? I am very worried about his mental health when the treatment really starts to affect him. Hopefully someone can provided me with some help there, I know its going to be rough road ahead big strain on our relationship I am sure. I have always been the stronger one in our relationship he always does lean on me, just hope I can this time. I don't have much support from my own family so can make it hard at times, but his family are wonderful people. And to top it all of we have to move as the house we in are selling and only I can do it.. going to be crazy times ahead.

[exhausted]

Hi billiezoe Wow you have a lot on your plate right now. I have been in a similar position for the last 18 months and while it is tough you will be a stronger woman for it. Have you been to centrelink to see what support they can offer? It sounds like you have great support from his family which is good. Keep your chin up and take one day at a time. Cheers Terese.

[Billiezoe]

Thanks exhausted have not done the centrelink stuff yet but it is on the cards, I wont get much with myself working and I get more with me working.. beside at least it can take my mind off things going to work lol We hopefully do that soon though as if he can get sickness allowance it be better then nothing. Your right take one day at a time all we can do I guess 🙂

[glenys48woods]

I agree with both of you as it is a rough time ahead. How did he get into this situation also? Didn't he go to the GP sooner. It would have been great to do it to have it in the early stages. How will you cope with emotions too? I live in Victoria so I want to ask if you do too or interstate so maybe I can help you. You have a lot on your plate you poor thing. If you are in Victoria the Queen Victoria in the city have a Woman's Centre and it is in the same place in Lansdale St. They are open 3 days a week for 4 hours at a time. 10am to 2pm Monday Wednesday and Thursday. If you have a chance to get there it would help a lot to chat to them as you will need it. I hope your young children are Ok too. Glenys 000.

[Billiezoe]

He had a stoke and thats how they found out he had cancer, he ignore the lump and the coughing of blood. Im in sydney and work full-time so most thing like that are hard for me anyway. His not happy with me right now as I contacted the social worker to see him for his mental health and he didnt like me doing that but I take it on the chin of him hating me cause I know his anxiety is through the roof.

[SILLY]

The Cancer Council offers 5 or 6 (can't remember which) counselling sessions to people with cancer who are suffering depression. If your husband agrees .It can be done over the phone or face-to-face. Call them. This is free. Also if he goes to his gp a health care plan can be organised so that he can have the same ,5or 6 sessions ,where Medicare pays. If you can find a psychologist who is willing to bulk bill there is no out of pocket for you. Under your cicumstances you have a good chance of finding such. Every Australian can access this . More is available if needed and your gp can advise here. Your husband can take advantage of both as the C.C. counselling does not count towards the Medicare ones. The biggest problem may be getting your husband to agree to this. Maybe his mum or dad can help to convince him to try this. If he already was depressed beore this all happened it is likely that it will get much worse so I hope he will get the help he needs. Even if he calls the Cancer Council and chats once with someone there it would be a great start. They are so helpful. Best of luck to you and your family during all this.

[purpleangels]

Hi there! I feel for you. I have a darling stand who has had cancer for the past three years. He is suffering majorly with depression and has been unable to work for this time. I agree that the cancer counselling sessions are a must....my husband has them over the phone and they have been great. Also, the hospital social worker and the clinical nurse consultant (oncology) have been great sounding boards for both of us. I have written elsewhere on this site of two great books that have helped me and my family. When a parent has cancer by Wendy Schlessel Harpham. She is a doctor but also a mother who has had several battles with lymphoma......,SO HELPFUL!!!! And also, "how to help children through a parents serious illness". By Kathleen McHue I found these books on amazon for about four or five dollars each. I have also had amazing help from the cancer council's financial planning people, they can help you get access to your husband's superannuation, sort your mortgage out etc etc etc....and all pro bono. It takes a while but is totally worth the wait. I also recommend being as honest with your kids as you think they can handle......they don't need to know everything, but they do need to know that you have hope for the outcome of any surgery/chemo/radio etc. Also, can I suggest you tell your child's teacher....... As a teacher myself, I had a few misgivings about telling the school, but the local children's psychologist at the hospital suggested I tell the principal. I did, and she has been fabulous!! She even sat me down, held my hand and said "I know what you are going through, my husband died from cancer when my kids were 8 and 6." This proves to me that you will find support in the most unlikely places...... And another piece of advice I have had to remind myself of time and again is "let people help you, it will make them feel good, and they need to". It is hard to delegate sometimes, but you just have to swallow your pride and let people in. Gees- I sound quite overbearing, but unfortunately I have had three years to figure all this stuff out. I am currently exploring the option of some in home care for my kids provided by family day care. This will help to alleviate the pressure I currently put on my parents to help out with child care on days I have meetings or rehearsal after school. Anyway, if you have any questions, please ask.......and good luck and lots of hope coming your way on your single mother journey.......it is hard.........but we are here for you. PA