Only a month?

[deanS]

My wife passed away 18th dec last year after fighting bowel cancer for 12 months (she was 38 with no family history). Still bewildered at the experience, just how busy things were over the last few months, and how quiet things are now, well apart from our nearly four year old son who is on the go constantly. Hard to believe it is only a month ago, in some respects it seems an age. Spending a lot of time reflecting on the last year or so, how our relationship changed as the carer role swamped everything else. I was lucky to have good support from family and work, but i am finding it really hard to get going again, my brain seems to be defaulting to blankness. Sleep is getting a little better. Emotions are close to the surface for both of us, at least i can express it, Noah can only get angry or frustrated. It seems even simple questions can get elevated into angry exchanges sometimes. God the future is a big yawning chasm at times...

[samex]

Hi Dean, 6 years ago(is it really that long?) a very good friend's husband died 6 months after diagnosis. She had teenage daughters at the time.They have really struggled but she found help with counselling even though they all resisted it at first. The Cancer Helpline may be able to give some more specific advice for yourself and your son. Remember that there are many peolpe who can help you to not fall into those chasms. Take care, Samex

[Jules2]

Hiya Dean I am sorry for the loss of your wife and dealing with that loss is I am sure very difficult. I can only empathise with you as I haven't been in that situation. I hope you are able to get some help or counselling and I know there is a lot around for children if you feel that your son needs some help. I have a friend who is a child psychologist and I could ask him if he knows of anyone suitable in your area if you need some help with that. Feel free to unload here, there are others that contribute from time to time who are in a similar situation to you. Thinking of you. Julie

[maddie86]

hi dean im so sorry for your loss.. i cant imagine how hard it must be.. i care for my boyfriend he has bowel cancer and im struggling.. i dont really have a great support network as half of my 'friends' dont even speak to me anymore.. the other day i broke down in tears in front of my parter about how everyone always asks how is but nobody seems to ask me how i am... being somebodys carer is hard work.. our relationship has changed in the sense that i now deal with a lot more crap then ive had to.. he might snap or be moody but i know i just have to try and not take it to heart.. it'l probably take you a while to be able to do things normally again.. one month isnt that long.. best of luck 🙂 keep being strong! xo

[Sqweege]

(((Dean))) My heart goes out to you and your son. The future must feel so daunting for you ... I hear you. Keep reaching out and talking. Do you have family and friends you can lean on as well?

[diannep52]

Hi Dean, I am so sorry on the loss of your wife. So young and such a short time after diagnosis. I always say 'it is hardest for the ones left behind' and I really do feel your pain. It sounds like you will have the help you need with your son, from family, etc, but you must make sure that you get any help that YOU need! I hope things settle down a little bit for you over the coming time, but throughout all the sadness, please remember the good times. Take care and remember, there a some lovely people on this site, just ready and willing to talk to you and listen to you. Take care of your son and yourself! Di