A week ago we were 2 healthy people,with a lovely 20yo son and this afternoon, after a barrage of tests, we have an appointment to receive a cancer diagnosis.
My husband went into casualty with a piece of food stuck in his throat, they biopsied a lesion, told us there were irregular cells in the oesophagus .. Bit scary
Then came the PET scan which showed spots on bones and in his liver .. an emergency MRI because they thought his spinal cord was about to be compressed - at this point, Thursday night the registrar told us that there was 'almost no' chance that this wasn't a Stage 4, incurable, inoperable cancer ...
So after a weekend of no sleep, trying to be normal and failing we wait until 5.30 today to be told the final verdict - although we've already been told.
The weird thing is I can't foresee what to do at that point? Do we just come home and have dinner? Do we all run around screaming in the street? I don't know how I'll get through today, let alone the future.
I'm terrified about money - we have no savings, super or life insurance. We live a great life, both as freelancers, but (and now I'm really glad about this) have travelled and raised our son and lived to the fullest without too much planning or saving.
The person beside me appears perfectly healthy with no symptoms, yet we've been told that he will have a matter of months to live.
I'm terrified about money and paying the rent, terrified about how to live each moment, terrified about pain and suffering ....
This is a bit of a ramble I know, but I'm glad I found this board just to write how I feel at the moment.