Staying Sane!

[flee]

Hi all, I am new here, I have been looking for a place to get advice, vent and let out all the emotions that go with this awful, ugly monster! Not to mention what it does to families, they always say that when things are low you see the "real" people, how true! My mum (57) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in Aug 07, firstly they though she had a gallstone she initially went to the doc thinking she had a virus and then over the weekend develope Jaundice, scans followed and they found secondary spots on her liver, it took another 3 and a half weeks to actually get a diagnosis. Nearly 12 months on, she is a shadow of her previous self and currently getting really low. The chemo has not stopped in the past 11 months, with very minimal change, not really worth writing home about. My 2 other siblings live away and I have been there as much as I can, and will continue to be no matter what. I see it that u just get on with what needs to be done and make it happen, the other 2..well one has to give the run down on how it affects her and how she has to organise things...the other tells me that I need to take more pressure off Dad, I don't know what more I can do..that is my vent...they annoy me!! I cannot imagine what it will be like to not have her here, for Dad, for me, for my brother and sister and our children, but most of all for her. I see her laughing and watching my son, then I see a look come over her...I don't want to contemplate what she is thinking but deep down i know. We have made the most of the past 12 months, christmas and birthdays have been extra special, even if they have been in a hospital room. My wish is to keep mum as comfy as she can be and for her to be home for as long as possible. I will have to help Dad care for mum and it is something that i am so scared of doing. I really think that is enough from me for one night...take care all. Flee      

[margro]

Hi Flee,my heart goes out to all of you! As a carer,have you been to the carers forum?Sometimes it's a lot easier to vent(and not feel guilty!!!!!!!)if you chat with people in the same situation. As far as your mum's weight loss,I went from a size 10 to a size 4.Way I look at it,you can never be too rich or too thin.....still waiting to get to the rich part! God bless you and keep up the good work!!!!

[flee]

Hi Margo  Thanks for your response and support, you are so right, mum and I sit of a night and she talks and tells me things someone needs to know and just reflection basically. She also vents her frustraions with her treatment condition, weight loss, dry skin, clothes too big etc etc. They are our times and times I will alway cherish as mine and mum's. I agree that it has been harder for us than mum, honestly she is a tower of strength and she has kept us all standing!!! You are all amazing..ooxx  It is something that she has said as well. I do always ask if Dad needs help, be it to pick something up or if Mum has to go to hospital (always a firm yes there) he will refuse or accept greatfully. He does struggle with emtions as well which is natural, but he has to go off and have his time as he is not an emtional type of guy! He has recently suffered a heart attack and is doing well now, so we need to lighten the load for him. take care Flee

[margro]

Flee hi, I'm so glad you've found somewhere to vent!!We all need it at times. I was diagnosed in Aug 05 and I have some idea on the burden on the family.I honestly think my diagnosis was harder on my family than it was on me!! Hang in there,just know you are storing memories with your mum that the others are missing out on.Ask your mum questions,get to know what she was like as a kid etc.Have quiet times,just one on one. I know you will be there for your dad,but don't do too much..maybe he wants to do these things for your mum.He needs to feel like he's doing something.Most men  his age have been the main "provider"for the family and I bet he wants to still feel like he can do that now. This is all just  my opinion and I take no offence at all if you disregard the lot!!!Just don't disregard this...you are doing a wonderful job. Margro

[clo]

hello im new in there so i dont know if im in the right place my husband cris has been diagnosed 3 weeks ago but we thought he had a gallbladder problem .the shock is terrible cris sleeps all day all night and i cant stop crying .its a bit better when the palliative care team come over but they stay just an hour or so and we find ourselves alone with our tragedy.What s goin to happen in the year they say we have >cris has no chemo just the pain killers he is really tired and cant eat at all that is so frustrating to see him losing weight he is very very skinny now 1m78 59 kilos and im scared is there anythin i could give him to eat we do what the doctors says and i give him proteines supplement but i wish i could do more any ideas?thank you.

[Jan]

Hi Clo, some protien drinks that may help are the protien drinks used by body builders. They can be brought from health food shops. With the pressure you are obviously under would you consider a counseller for yourself? That tangle of thoughts can really tie you up and sorting through them may help you and so help you help your husband. Your time together now is very precious. Jan

[margro]

Hi Clo,one thing i have found that helps get the food down,is to graze.Small things several times a day(lots of pasta). I know how scary it is at the moment,but try and hang in there! Have you contacted the cancer council?They may be able to put you in touch with a support group in your area,also their telephone support groups are great,and you are talking with people in the same situation as yourself,Margro