A week ago today my darling Colin passed over. He is now free of pain and I am sure that the smile on his face will be lighting up heaven above. The pain that I am feeling at present is overwhelming at times and then I feel him around me and I continue on doing what must be done. I have had so many people call that loved and admired him from a distance and it once again shows me we never know how we are going to influence another. I know that he influenced many. I am trying to be brave for those around me, yet allowing myself time to cry and grieve also. Numbness is the word that comes to mind at present. This insidious disease is so cruel and I hope that soon hope will be given to those with Cancer. I know that there are many advances being made all the time, and maybe in the not too distant future a cure for all will be found. To all those out there going through this process, wether just starting your journey, finished it or still on the road, I wish you all the very best and thank those that have supported me during this past 12 months. Keep communicating.
Sorry to hear of your loss I remembered you participating in the anticipated grief blog last year.
My wife is still hanging in their after 18 months of treatment with radiation next week. Cancer now in her bones and brain as well as the liver.
I can relate to all your feelings even while we are on the journey, the numbness, the trying to be strong in front of your loved one, the emptyness in your chest.
Yet we continue to joke and plan for the future occasionally the cancer forcing us back to reality when things start to go wrong.
I am sorry your beloved passed away..i know how you feel my beloved passed away 4 years ago with cancer i nursed him for six years in total he had it for eight years we married when i was 16 he was the boy next door.
We had been together49 years.. i feel for you at this time and your grief..one day at a time.
My best wishes to you.
My beloved Andy(36 yrs) passed away 6 weeks ago from secondary liver cancer.No warning,no symptoms, no reason. He was super healthy and strong. His nick name was 'Action Man'. We've been together for 15 years. I can't get over the shock. Death is so permanent. Sounds silly I know...but I walk around the house in disbelief.
What? Never,ever coming back? Our children will never have their dad again. My buddy is gone.
I know that someday this will get better, that the pain will pass, but today, this is F***ed!
My wife passed away last month after just over 20 months since she was diagnosed. She impressed everyone along the way with her stubborness that nothing was happening and she was going to beat it. The scans the week before she passed away actually showed teh brain tumours and liver tumours were under control and that the bone ones had spread a bit more. In the end it really wasn't the cancers that got her teh rest of her body was failing gradually losing muscle strength from her feet up until she could only move her left arm and head.
I know exactly what you mean about the emptyness and the waves that hit you out of no where. You keep thinking that they will be there again when you turn around.
You wonder is life really fair.
My husband passed away 15 days ago, 12 months after diagnosis. It was such a difficult 12 months, with so many setbacks, so many problems. We tried to "make" happy memories, had a few mini breaks away and lots of family time with our three beautiful daughters, their husbands and our gorgeous grandson. But it wasn't enough! I wanted more! We found out, around April, that my husband was terminal. It doesn't matter that we had that time to prepare, we still weren't ready. It was still a shock when it happened. I'd spoken to the doctor on the day he died and was told it wouldn't happen for a couple of weeks. I guess my husband had the last laugh! He met death on his own terms, when he was ready. At least in this, he got what he wanted. He was so very tired! And now....what am I going to do now? I don't know how to live my life without him. I thought we would grow old together. I thought we would get to retire together and go on a cruise and have fun. How do you keep going when your world has fallen apart. How do you pick up the pieces and move on? I have loving family and friends, but I feel, so very much, alone.
For those in this thread who have lost a loved one due to this horrible disease. I mourn your losses too as my best friend being my father passed away 3 weeks ago after a procedure in a hospital to try and treat his chronic pain from terminal prostate cancer.
I have been on a rollercoaster the past 3 weeks, sometimes up, realising he suffers and moans no more. Down for other reasons inclusive of its not much consolation for me personally, that having broken free of the clutches of this horrible monster being cancer that he is now buried and I feel his loss as if it all happened again at this very moment. My father was like my mum and dad rolled in one.
I too am in disbelief as I wake up and realise I won't hear him calling out for me, I have nowhere to drive to go and see him, I won't see his bright blue eyes or the mischief in them. My father wanted to so deseperately live, even if it was in pain, just to see his family and close friends again each day. He told me its all he had. His strength to live just another day despite the horrendous pain he suffered in his bones and the rest of his body amazed those that knew him, I will never forget the spirit he had despite the most horrible destiny he was given.
All we are left with are tears and our memories, and eventually, your tears become less because you realise your loved ones are still with you in heart and mind and those precious memories they gave you are permanent. And that is your loved one's legacy for you.
There spirits and hearts have moved on to the next journey, all that is left on this earth is the ill shell that was ravaged by cancer. And with that I'm comfortable knowing that my father is watching over me and that I will go forward with ways to honour my father's memory and ensure his death due to cancer wasn't in vain.
On the evening of the 17th of August I thought I would never find the strength or peace I needed to pick up the pieces of my heart's tragedy, but 3 weeks later I realise I wouldnt' be my father's daughter if I didn't do what dad would expect me to do. Live like tommorow may not come and experience life as much as I can, to take chances and risks that may change my life, and to allow my hurt and broken heart to heal by showing I'm stronger than my grief and to go ahead and do wonderful things with my own life until we meet again.
Once you realise your loved one's spirit lives on within you, you have then found peace and inspiration to carry on and do your best with your own life.
When you least expect it your inner strength will get you through anything.
PS, I'm sorry you lost your Dad.
I know that it will get better, but from here till there, it's absoloutely shit! Too painful for words, but one day at a time friend. On day at a time. I'm trying to find joy in the things that brought us close...laughter, the ocean, our friends, our children....Hope you can laugh again soon. xxx
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.