What did you do to fight the fear & anger?

[Moeka]

Hi there.

Like so many this is my first post.

The story:

My husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer three days before chirstmas past.

I was amazed at how fast the system worked from walking into a random medical clinic (we don't have children and hardly sick so we don't have a regular GP), being sent to getting a ultrasound being sent back to random GP then getting a referral to oncologist and having my husband admitted into hospital/surgery with him being released Christmas day. Truly it went so fast that we both never had time for the cancer news to sink in, one moment he had it the next the tumor was removed and he was told that, for now, other then regular blood tests and CT scans he wouldn't need any kind of treatments as it's likely that's it. So you can image the odd rush of emotions in such a short period of time.

A few months back he started to get terrible, to the point of debilitating, back aches. He thought it might be kidney stones since he is prone to them and hasn't had one in about 15years (he is in his forties) so he went back to the same GP, had a blood test and scan and then the symptoms went away. There was blood in his urine but after a week of bad pain it stopped, the blood test didn't show any alarming signs and as the clinic didn't have us rushing around like last time we figured it was stones and we forgot about it (you know how it is, this year is flying by and life just takes over.)

Today, for an entirely different reason husband went back to the clinic and as an after thought was given the results of that kidney test by the GP. The report showed he has renal neoplasms in a kidney as well as (forgive me forget the name it was given) but signs of growths on his lymph. 

I've never been a negative thinker before but right now I have so many angry/outraged questions flying around my head that I can't control, questions like "why was this time not treated in the same sense of urgency like last time?" & " surely "just because it's christmas" wasn't the reason why he got so much help so fast last time?"  I have no idea how to calm down. Next to that anger is fear, I'm so very frightened, and it's not just the sickening thought of my loved one having cancer, the fear seems to be irrational and seeping into everything. I'm either thinking highly angry things or dark scary things and truly I'm at a loss on how to move past it so I can be a strong for my husband because right now he looks terrified and that's a first because I've never seen him scared before, but here I am, sitting here with these stupid angry, selfish, scary thoughts and I'm at a loss on how to get past it and be strength for him.

So I'm reaching out online asking if there is even just one person out there who, like me, was so angry and scared to the point it was controlling everything and what did they do to help get past it? Any piece of advice or any tip would be so appreciated right now because I'm literally not thinking straight and I need to be, for him.

Also what do I do now? We talk about it but should I stop talking about it? The oncologist is away until later in the week so we're just at home with no plans to see anyone medically, should I distract him? I don't want to fuel his fear.

at such a loss.

(sorry for long post)

[Braveb]

Hi Moeka,

Sorry to hear about what you two have been though and currently going through.

You are right, our minds can get overtaken by anxious and angry thoughts. That is normal. Just this week I had a scare after 5 years of 'no evidence of disease' (and cooincidentally the weird finding was in a testicle) and my partner and I quickly spiralled into an anxious place. Is this it? Do we make plans? Do I come up with a bucket list? Why us? Why again?

After a couple of days we tried to ground ourselves. We went out for dinner and remembered ways we coped the first time around: the little mantras we'd repeat, the way we tried to keep focused on the next goal only, the way we would give ourselves permission to feel crappy and angry but have a plan for getting out of those feelings.

You sound like you have lots of questions. One thing you could try is writing them all down so they can leave your mind and be parked somewhere for your next appointment. Your husband could do the same. 

Another thing is writing in a journal or blog. It can be private or public (like here). The act of writing about our fears and worries does things to the brain we don't yet understand - but lots of research shows that it can make us feel better and decrease anxiety and worry.

I would also recommend the CC Telephone support line for your husband. They may be able to connect him with someone around his age who has been through something similar. It can really help to speak to people on the other side. 

And last, feel free to vent here - that's what this place is for 🙂

Lots of love, 

B

[little_stitcher]

Hi Moeka, one of the common themes across this forum is that waiting to see the Doctor totally sucks.  It's the worst time, because there are so many horrible possibilities.  At least once you have seen the Doctor you will know exactly what you are dealing with (and, importantly, not having to deal with). There's even a term for it- 'scanxiety'.

The only advice I can offer you is to try and distact yourself, so you don't brood about it, and maybe ask your husband if he would like to be kept busy too.  Keep in touch with this forum, too- we're all here cheering both of you on.  love and hugs, Emily