Why is life so hard

[bratguy]

Just wondering aloud why life is so hard at the moment. Yesterday my partner came home and told me she is going on a holiday with her son to the beach in another state because she needs a break from me. II have stage 4 lung cancer but dont consider myself to be a cripple! She didnt even bother to tell me beforehand that she was organising the trip, plus she also spoke to someone from a respite centre to come and talk to the both of us so I could be 'looked after' properly while she was away so she doesnt have to worry. I feel so insulted that I wasnt invited to go away with them and hurt because she had involved someone else in my care without even mentioning it to me. I tried to be nice about it by offering her a drive to the airport and insisted that I take someone else with me in the car to the airport because I cant be trusted on my own. I feel like I am being robbed of my independence 😞 I asked her when we could go on a cruise together but I was just shut down and told its not going to happen. I can rarely say how I feel without being invalidated. I have no real friends and family is far away. I cant believe I am being treated this way. I've given so much to my partner and her son both in terms of financial and emotional support and when I need something I get stonewalled all the time. Im so tired of it all. I try to get out and do things but lately I have lost the will to live and the motivation to enjoy all life has to offer. I have been to see numerous counsellors. We have been together as well, but I only got screamed at afterwards. I feel so misunderstood 😞

[Rubes1984]

Hi bratguy, Sounds like a terrible place to be in.... on top of the cancer rollercoaster. It can be very hard to get our partners/wives/husbands/families to see or understand where we are at and that sometimes we are ok. I have stage 4 lung cancer also and found it very frustrating when I became unwell. My husband was always fussing, my mother would visit and meltdown if I did the dishes! It made me furious, I was still a capable person who was not an invalid. Then after my surgery it was worse..... I found myself limiting contact with others so to not have to fight them or justify my small amount of independence I had left. It has been a very difficult journey for my husband and I. We have only recently been able tp openly communicate our feelings during treatment and how sometimes we both did not always feel supported during these times. Sometimes counselling works, however both parties need to be committed to resolving and admitting the concerns. It is wonderful that u have linked into this site - I have found great support, advice and caring from other site members. I blog because it helps give me clarity and helps me vent. It must be a horrible feeling to have not been consulted about the holiday or care in ur partners absence. All I can hope is writing ur feeling down has helped and that u can/will keep using this site. Pls don't give up hope, there are many great listening ears here. Rubes

[SILLY]

I think anyone would feel the way you feel if treated that way . It seems that if your partner is not coping well with all that has happened either . Perhaps after her time away she may return in a better frame of mind and you can both address the problems tearing at your relationship . It can't be easy for either of you .