Withdrawing from the world

[Mrs_Elton]

Thanks Alana and Reindeer, It sure does help to hear that others have the same issues and feelings. Alana, you can keep your snakes all too yourself! I am not a fan of them in any way. Having said that, ....I am glad that they give you enjoyment, it sounds like the weekend was a great rejuvenator for you all. Just goes to show how different we all are and what works for one, may not work for another and it really comes down to 'whatever works for you! Good luck with your '40' year old friend(?), to her it is obviously a 'big' thing, to those of us dealing with cancer and all its complications, another birthday might be exactly what we are hoping for. It's all relative, isn't it. Reindeer, nothing wrong with baked beans and cheese on toast! and as far as accumulating dust, I have no problem closing my eyes to that....most of the time!! I like the idea of putting the turmoil into a room in my mind, I will definitely give that a go, thanks for the tip. Thanks ladies! Jill.

[chris_martin]

Hi there my name is Chris and I have only found and joined this website today. I have been reading it all day and also crying a lot. My dad who is 83 has oesophageus and has got to the stage where he can't swallow at all and has to have pureed food. He is having a stent put in Friday to give him a little bit of relief. He thinks this will give him years to live but doctors have been telling me it is only a palliative measure and he could go at any time.To make matters worse he lives a 6hr train trip away and refuses to move closer to me! The thing I can't deal with is friends and even close family tell me I'm being silly as he is 83 and had a good life but maybe it is time.That is what I am having trouble with. My health is not good and somedays I cry so much at the thought of being without him that all I want to do is sleep. He has always been my rock and source of emotional strength and I don't know how I will handle life without him. As I've read today it is so good to be able to write your thoughts down without having the fear of people saying "you're so silly you will cope"!!!

[Mrs_Elton]

Hi Chris, So glad you found this site, it has been a life-saver (well maybe a sanity-saver) to me on many occasion. I'm sorry to hear about your Dad and the poor state of health he is in, no-one wants to see someone they love suffer in pain. I hope that his op on Friday to put the stent in is successful and gives him some comfort. He may be 83, but he is YOUR DAD and it is natural to feel sadness at the thought of losing him and watching him suffer. Use this site to vent your frustrations, share your feelings and connect with other people who can understand the huge range of emotions that you are experiencing. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself, kind regards Mrs Elton.

[chris_martin]

Hi Mrs Elton. Thank you so much for getting back to me so quickly. You are the first person - family/ftiends included to understand what I am going through - and I won;t let myself feel so silly when I cry in future. I think that by crying now I am at least preparing myself for the inevitable although I don't think I will ever be prepared for the end. At least dad is a very positive person and his main concern at the moment is that I am ok!!!! I am so glad I found this website as tonight I can go to bed and sleep knowing that I can share my feelings with people who know what I'm feeling. You sound loke such a great bunch of people. Take care. Chris

[CATS]

Hi Chris and welcome. Glad you found this site - it has been a sanity saver for me as well . I am sorry about your Dad's poor health and I hope the stent gives him some relief. 83 is not old - my friends' Mum will be 86 next month - she is in total denial about her age - she still thinks she can do all the things she did 20 years ago and gets very worried when she can't!!!!!!!!!!! My Dad was my best friend and when he died at the tender age of 63 from prostate cancer, I thought I would never be able to stop crying, so I understand your feelings. Have a good sleep tonight and remember there are lots of us on this site who you can talk to.

[chris_martin]

Hi Cats. Yeah my dad ismy best friend also and he also had prostate cancer as well as oesophageous but I'm not sure he is telling me the whole truth. Even though I have 2 brothers (1 is an interstate truck driver and siops in to see dad whenever he can but other one only lives 1hr drive away and never goes to visit) I know dad is worried about how I am going to cope once he has gone but he keeps telling me he has years to go (which I know he hasn't). I ring him every day and I hope that makes him feel better and am going up there in 2 weeks but just wish he would move down with me but my dr says don't push him so I won't. Just so hard when close family can't see my side of things. I will try to sleep tonight and thank god for all you wonderful people. Wish I had found this site ages ago. Take care. Chris

[tkay0207]

Hi All, My god!!!!! It's all I can find the words to say at the moment. I have so much to say and I have so many feelings but I just cannot find the words to express them. But everything I have read on this site is EXACTLY how I actually feel or want to say. I am tripping over myself and my mind is going in overdrive, thinking.... "yes, that's it. That's how I feel. That's what I wanted to say". You guys are all so wonderful. For many years since my husband's diagnosis, I used to sit and ponder about so many things but just cannot make sense of them all because no one would understand and/or listen. I now feel so relieved that I was not in fact crazy. This site have helped me heal and become stronger. It has helped me smile again even if it's just in the tiniest little bit. I drove past the Gold Coast Hospital this morning (my husband passed away here) and you know what?? For once I did not freak out, scream or cry. Thank you all. Keep talking/writing and I will keep reading. Good luck to everyone out there affected by cancer. I am always thinking of each and everyone of you and sending lots of hugs and kisses and gentle thoughts of "just called to say Hello and see how you're doing". Veronica xx

[chris_martin]

Hi there tkay. I know how you feel. I have only joined this website today but wish I had found it ages ago. I feel so bad that I am complaining about my dad who is still here but hasn't got long to go when so many of you have children/husbands/wives with cancer who are a lot worse off than me and I feel for you all SO much but I know this is a personal thing and I can't see a life for me without my dad in it even though I have 2 great kids and 4 beautiful grandkids. You take care Veronica and your story helped me so much xx Chris

[Jules2]

Hi Chris Apologies for my tardy reply. 🙂 I hope you managed to get some sleep after unloading a bit on here. It is a great site and just makes us all feel a little better knowing we arent abnormal in our feelings and thoughts. Julie xo

[chris_martin]

Hi Julie. I did get a bit of sleep last night but this morning I received the package from Cancer Council and included was a relaxation CD. I laid down and played it and fell asleep for 5 hrs - I must have really needed sleep!!!! Yes this site is so amazing and as I have said before I feel somewhat guilty as I have my dad here (who knows for how long) and others have lost loved ones. At least I now have somewhere where I can share my thoughts and get support. Even though my family love me and my dad to bits somehow they think I'm crazy to be grieving while he is still here. A big part of that grief for me is the fact that he is so far away and I can't see him every day. I do phone every night but when I get off the phone I feel so upset. If it feels this bad now what will it be like when he goes!! I can't think about it but I do. And dad is so so positive and I know he is worried about how I will cope. Thanks for listening and take care. Chris xo