am caring for Dad, feeling very alone

[m.portelli]

I completely understand where you are coming from. Life DOES suck and nobody seems to be having such a horrible time like us. Its not fair. Mum stopped all chemo and is just playing it by ear now. She feels like she's dying but it's taking such a long time (her words). She's not a at that final stage yet which is very confusing for me as her carer. What can I expect to see happen with Meso? Will she die suddenly, or over a few days????? It's awful. I've got many other responsibilities in my life and caring for Mum is one I wouldn't want to not do but it's something that is overwhelming me, tipping me over the edge. Life sucks. How much can we do before WE break? How r u doing? What is in your tool kit to help you when its becoming all too much?

[kirri_carer]

I urge both of you to use the palliative care team's service to talk to a support worker for yourselves. That's what they're there for! Yo don't have to do this alone, truly. There are a lot of people who want to help support you emotionally, not just with the practical stuff. It is mentally and physically exhausting going through what you are. I too found the last couple of weeks in particular excruciating. My father was lucky not to have to live through too much suffering. So I can't imagine what it'd be like waiting longer...knowing someone so close to you is going to die, it's just a matter of when. It is not healthy to keep your emotions inside of you. I urge you to find a counsellor through palliative care to talk to about all that you are going through. These situations are meant to be shared! So keep sharing what's inside of you, and the load will lighten, even if slightly. Other things to do are exercise - join some kind of gentle group exercise, or meditation group, or aerobics/dance, or whatever you can do to get movement into your body, and bring some joy back into your life. You are allowed to still enjoy life, all the best xo

[GHT]

In the past I was in a r/ship and my partner had serious mental health issues. If I was going out doing normal stuff she would threaten to harm herself. Someone wise told me that it will not help either of us if I stayed home all the time just in case something happened.. As a carer, which I was, I got hooked up in thinking I had to be there for my loved one 24/7 But this just drove me to becoming depressed. As a carer it is vital to not feel 100% responsible all the time. And if that means your loved one needs hospital care then that is where they need to be. Crucifying myself got me nowhere. Carers have a right to take care of their own needs in fact it is essential both individually and to the health of any r/ship I think. Anyway that's my experience of being a carer. I hope it help someone who reads this monologue

[pmcpmc]

Hi Kirri I too have been in the situation you are going through, having cared for my dad on and off with his various cancers for 7 years and now just out from my own breast cancer battle in the last 18 months. Its so hard to be strong all the time, I too often get referred to as being that way. There's no magic thing I can say except that whilst hard, try to remember your needs as well. I have had many friendships dissolve both through being a carer and then having cancer myself. I'm learning that its sometimes necessary and can open up doors for new friendships that are better for us at a particular stage in our lives. I hope you're doing okay and big hugs! x