confused and angry

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Re: confused and angry

First of is WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY AND CONFUSED as this is surely going to relay to your wife and believe me she is going through enough hurt and mixed feelings without you adding your anger emotions to them plus all of that is not going to help her but stress her a lot more and she really doesnt need any of that. A surgeon is just that a surgeon, they have no idea of what the life span will be for a cancer patient hence you need to TALK to your wifes specialist and again you probably won't get an answer as no matter how good the oncologist he/she is they are unable to give a basic timed life prognosis as everyone has differing cancers,differing treatments, different reactions to treatment, different out looks, different expectations etc etc. If your wife want to go on this holiday and it may be the last time she gets to go away why are you making it difficult for her. Plan it, make good bookings, talk about it with your wife with enthusiasm you may not feel but you will show anyway. I have inoperable pancreatic cancer and nearly into my 12th month chemo of it and we have just had a big setback with my last chemo not working and have found the two metastases in my liver have really taken off plus I now have a lot of small lesions. I am in constant pain every day but my fiance and I have just returned from a weeks holiday in Nth Qld, we get married in September and have already started planning our trip up Nth WA to Kununurra for about 4 weeks which means I will have to skip some chemo. I have a big white board that I have my bucket list on and my fella is quite happy to take me wherever I want to go before I die. Basically he wont deny me anything within reason of course. The only times my man has yelled at me is when he thinks I'm not looking after myself like I should be especially with eating and he knows I need to eat and eat a lot. We try and live our lives as if I have many years to go even though for me every day I wake up it is the first day of the rest of my life and I try I keep and them active. Don't deny your wife some happiness but try and join in with her happiness and yes sit down and talk but don't get angry she doesnt deserve that from the man she married and loves. Maz
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Re: confused and angry

I agree with some of the answers regarding holidays. Why not plan a few short holidays saying that you've realised that enjoying life now is paramount. Even weekends and extended weekends flying interstate and so forth if it's hard to get much time off work. Then you, your wife and the kids can enjoy a few fun times together. With your wife not appearing to be fully aware of her prognosis can you have a chat with her surgeon or oncologist on their own to find out more around what they have told her. Tell them your concerns and observations. Then you know what she knows and can go with the flow especially if she's aware of the true situation. Could you also talk to support staff at the hospital about this ie psychologist. It is true that they can't accurately predict how long someone will live. A friend of mine was told in June 2010 that chemo wasn't helping her and wasn't going to cure her and they would give her tablets that had a small chance but more likely to prolong her life. She asked how long she had left and they had to say we actually don't know we can only estimate 6 months to 2 years, could be more. Sadly she did die after 18 months however she had a trip booked that ended up being a few weeks prior to the death but at the time was well enough to go and had a great time. Sadly she had a care nurse decide that she needed to face reality and gave her a talking to about how she wouldn't be around this time next year (she was attending appts, taking medication, living life well but not irresponsibly and doing everything she could) and I felt that shortened her life. Discussing enjoying life and concerns SHE raised about maybe not being around in more of sounds like that person/activity means a lot to you, is there anything you want to do to celebrate that would have been more helpful.
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Re: confused and angry

When my hubby was diagnosed with GBM in 2009 the DR said you will be dead in 3 months and walked out the door..He knew it was a brain tumour but he never researched it like me, never wanted to know and just believed he would beat it. Now it has just come back over 2 years later he has told the surgeon he never knew it could reappear. Looking back I'm wondering if that kept him so positive and alive for that time. Now he knows it can reoccur he is much more anxious and not as positive, hope he regains his thirst for survival with the kids and my help but it is a tough call. One only I think the individuals at the time can make together. Prayers for you and go have a wonderful holiday...I can't twist my hubbies arm to go anywhere and we soooo all need that break.
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Re: confused and angry

When my hubby was diagnosed with GBM in 2009 the DR said you will be dead in 3 months and walked out the door..He knew it was a brain tumour but he never researched it like me, never wanted to know and just believed he would beat it. Now it has just come back over 2 years later he has told the surgeon he never knew it could reappear. Looking back I'm wondering if that kept him so positive and alive for that time. Now he knows it can reoccur he is much more anxious and not as positive, hope he regains his thirst for survival with the kids and my help but it is a tough call. One only I think the individuals at the time can make together. Prayers for you and go have a wonderful holiday...I can't twist my hubbies arm to go anywhere and we soooo all need that break.
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Re: confused and angry

Hi Wombat, It sounds to me that you and the family aren't looking forward to Christmas and you are getting into a panic about it. It's a terrible thing that your family are going through. I feel that you don't want to face Christmas when the time comes as it would be a very sad day for all of you. I suggest to have christmas with a lot of people when the time comes as then you will feel happy and the day will just pass for you all. I feel for you too. Glenys xx each to the whole family
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