need some advice

[Bmck]

Hi, I dont think i need to clarify that cancer sucks and up until 5 years ago i had not known anyone that had cancer. I've gone from 5 of my work friends being diagnosed with cancer of some sorts 3 were terminal and agressive,  I myself in 2017 have had cancer at 34 years old and kidney removed  and in recovery. My grandma's 2 sisters and a brother have lost their battles with cancer and now my grandad has just been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer that is very aggressive and my grandads son passed away last year from the same cancer. So yeah cancer really does sucks.

My grandad had always been there for me when i was growing up as my dad wasnt in my life until i was 24 and divorced. I have also learnt since he hasn't had anything to do with his father, my grandad for quiet sometime and couldn't give a shit what he is going through. I find it hard to cope with that grandad is trying to reach out and find the answers to why etc how can i talk to my grandad about this that my father doesn't want to speak to him and im lost for words as well im finding it really hard to speak with him and try not to make him feel worse. what do you talk about with people that are terminal to make things seem as though they are ok when it really isnt.

[Budgie]

Hello Bmck,

Life is too short & unfortunately,  isn’t always pleasant.  Things happen & people, being normal people get hurt.   Sometimes we just have to live with that.   Sometimes the rift is too great to mend even if a loved one is dying. 

Often though, it takes a death to jolt us into looking for answers & starting to talk, but by then of course, it’s too late. 

Even though it’s an emotional situation that shouldn’t stop you from talking normally about it.   For your sake, I hope you’re family can put aside their differences & get on with living. 

Budgie

[little_stitcher]

Hi Bmck, such a difficult and painful situation!  Don't worry about what to say, though.  The fact that you are there with your Grandad is the most important thing.  If you really feel stuck for words, you can just say that you don't know what to say- you're Grandad will understand (after all, what is there to say, really?)  Don't be afraid to just listen, too.  I think there's a perception that friends and family members of someone with cancer should have the right words to make everything better, but I think what people really need at that time is for someone to listen while they process their own emotions.  Allow your Grandad to talk while you share a cup of tea or a beer with him, and he'll feel really validated and cared for.  I wish the best of luck to you both.  Emily