Dad recently diagnosed with Bowel Cancer

[neddyrum]

Hi everyone, my dad has just recently been diagnosed with Bowel Cancer not sure what stage but it has spread to the Liver so I’m guessing stage 4? Little background information, my dad, who is in his 60’s, has never been sick in his life ( apart from the usual like colds etc) hasn’t been to the hospital or doctors since he was a young boy. He’s always been healthy and fit, so it definitely came as a shock that this has happened to him. Though I did find out recently that his mum died from Bowel Cancer. He has done his tests and is going to start Chemo the first week of the new year. The doctors have said that they want to get rid of the cancer in the liver ( that’s the only place it has spread) and then do surgery for the tumour in his bowels as it is not causing any obstructions. He will be having chemo at the hospital and tablets taken at home. So far he still has his appetite and is doing things around the house (he recently fully retired) but does tend to have little naps more often. 

I am so scared, I feel like I can’t breathe properly sometimes  ( I am diagnosed with anxiety and depression). I’m very close with my dad and to think that he could pass away from this scares me. I am definitely hopeful and will be right by his side through everything. It’s just so unfair! I would take this from him if I could! I have two older sisters and they aren’t handling the news very well, also my mum acts like she is ok but I know she isn’t. I’m the strong one and I’m the type that puts other people first and make sure they are ok, take on their worries and stress. I don’t like to cry infront of my family about this so I sometimes cry at night in my bed. 

Anyway I’m scared to see my dad go through this and how it will affect him and what the outcome will be. A couple of years ago my nan was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and it was terminal. (I was also very close with her) I had to see my beautiful nan go from her healthy usual self to very quickly deteriorating to the point she couldn’t talk, just made noises, very thin and bedridden. ( She moved into our house when she became ill so I saw it all) and then the day before she passed we put her into pall care and the next day she was gone before we could get there. Also saw my grandpa from my dads side pass away (not cancer). I just don’t want to go through that again. I am so hopeful tho! But part of me is preparing myself for the worst, I just can’t help it.

My dad is a strong person and I know he will fight this battle with everything his got and I and my family will be by his side! 

Ps. Sorry for the long post!

Also wanting to read other peoples experiences and how they coped with it. 

Much love x 

[sch]

Hi neddyrum,

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. It's difficult news to digest and it will take time to accept.

My Dad was diagnosed with cancer of the pancreas in his early 50's. It had spread to, I think, 3 organs by that stage.

He lived for about 10 years after diagnosis and eventually succumbed to the cancer.

Hopefully if it has just spread to the liver, it is curable. You never know.

Spend as much time with your Dad as you can. Talk to him.

Do you have many family photos you can look through together?

-sch

[Carlz9]

Hi neddyrum,

I have just been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer, metastasized in the liver. I had my first chemo on the 23rd December, I'm 37 and have 2 girls under 3.

I have been doing lots of research and reading people's stories. I found this one quite inspirational, https://healthmatters.nyp.org/amazing-things-sandy-kyrkostas/

I would say that I think in a lot of ways it is harder for family and friends. While it does get to me I am able to "just get on with it", have treatment, be as healthy as possible, etc, etc. Where as other people just feel helpless. Trust me you spending quality time with your Dad, distracting him, making him laugh, you are doing wonders for him.

In a weird way getting this diagnosis has given me real clarity about what's important and made me cherish every moment I have with the people I love.

So you need to look after yourself, go to your GP, get a mental health plan in place. Talking to people is so helpful.

The first round of chemo wasn't too bad, just research about cold stuff (if it's the same drug as me, Oxaliplatin) no one told me and it felt like I was drinking glass.

Sending positive energy to your Dad and you.

Carly

[neddyrum]

Hi Sch,

Sorry to hear about your dad, though from the sounds of it he was a fighter!

My dad has always not liked being the centre of attention and being treated differently. For me it’s just been the usual so far, we watch tv/movies, play our favourite board games, read together, me annoying him haha 

Just recently when it was just me and him at home we had a really good talk about things and it’s helped me come to an acceptance of the situation. Basically we both are like it is what it is, he will fight this and just see what happens. 

We do have a lot of family photos but I don’t think now is the right time to look at them considering he hasn’t started treatment yet so we shall see what happens.

Much love xx

[neddyrum]

Hi Carly,

Im sorry to hear about your diagnosis and I’m sending you all my thoughts and prayers! 

Thank you for that and I will definitely read it! 

Thats just like my dad, he just wants to get on with it, do what he has to do. For me I still treat him the same way, but my other two sisters and mum are more careful around him and always asking him if he is ok which I can tell he doesn’t always liked to be asked that. My dad is the type that doesn’t like attention. 

Me and my dad have had two really good talks about everything and it’s helped me come to an acceptance of the situation. We both are at an understanding of it is what it is, he will fight and do what he has to do and we shall see what happens. As you can tell we both have a close bond 🙂

I do have a doctor who I regularly visit (for other reasons) and he is absolutely fantastic, his also like a counsellor so I can talk to him about anything and everything! 

I would love to stay in touch every now and then to see how you are going! 

Much love xx

[Tom1938]

Carlz 

I just wanted to let you know my partner who is 47 and the wonderful mother of our 8 year old has Stage 4 colorectal cancer amd like yourself spread to the Liver. Sounds like she could relate to you on a number of levels. Her treatment started back in late November. She has remained positive and forever holds onto that hope, and optimism. 
It is very or extremely hard for people who are close. I too have cried so much and am full of fear and sadness, but your advice to remain present as much as possible for that person is spot on.

I struggle - this is beyond the hardest thing I have had to experience. I feel for the original post person. Whilst it’s not easy we have to straddle the weight and difficulty with love and living. 
I wish you the best possible outcome for you both and all your respective loved ones. I hope through this experience we all find peace and love and joy and hope.

[neddyrum]

Hello Tom1938,

I’m sorry to hear about your partner, I couldn’t imagine how that must feel. From the sounds of it she has a strong mindset and that is such a good thing to have whilst going through this. Also knowing that she has loved ones around her will help her. 

For me I tend not to think about the future but instead I wake up each day and thank god that I have today with my dad.  I cherish everything single moment with my dad, the good and the bad. I’m thinking of you and your family and sending you my love and prayers. 

[sch]

Hi neddyrum,

How are you and your dad going?

How's the chemo?

I hope you and your family are finding some comfort together.

-s

[neddyrum]

Hi Sch,

We are both ok. My dad got an infection from the chemo that they changed him to from the previous one.  So he was in hospital for two weeks. He is home now and we have been building up his appetite and strength. We saw the doctor two weeks ago and she said that they were going to put off the chemo for abit as she didn’t think his body was up for it then. We see her next week and are hoping he can continue on. So we know that the cancer is in the liver and there are some spots on his lungs. But we did find out that the tumour has shrunk a bit and so far hasn’t spread anywhere else. Other then that just been spending as much time with him but also keeping things normal. My sisters and mum are ok but I know we are all struggling inside. But we are all there for each other! 

[Tom1938]

Hey Neddyrum,

sorry to hear your dad had to spend the time in hospital w infection.

its great that he has a loving family around him in such difficult and unpredictable time.

My partners situation is very similar, primary tumour in bowel w Mets in liver and lung. 
It’s really is difficult emotionally and mentally to accept and live with. I think it’s great you have each other and can maybe talk and support each other. Being present and loving for your dad....best you can do really. This whole experience is so changeable as are our feeling from day to day ( or minute to minute ).
Wishing you lots of courage, love and hope as you go.

Tom