Oh Minx, I am so sad to hear your pain. My heart is sore for knowing that you and others are in the midst of the heart ache. I also have difficulty recalling the time spent with my husband. The final two weeks at home were difficult - I try to focus on the positives of knowing I was attempting to accommodate his desires - to stay at home = but the acceptance of the support (hospital bed downstairs, etc) his deteriatoration was very quick. I am now, with counselling, am trying to accept that he was so very unwell for so long and that the end days (which were 2 after entry to palliative care) were not something I caused - but were the dreadful and tragic disease. I am working on developing coping strategies...attempting to recall positive memories and am seeking to go through our items to create a memory book/box/etc for physical recall - something my counsellor recommended....but it sure is one step at a time with so many many hurdles to jump that at times it just seems to much. But everyone says time heals - but that also is scary too. Please take care and know that we are all hear for you.
