It is a horrible disease, but when things are where they are for you it is so very very important to look after yourself. It's not selfish, it is human nature to survive, and you must do that. I won't judge you, far from it, I understand how difficult it is and sometimes the thoughts that come into your head are difficult to comprehend, but don't punish yourself... If you need to get anything off your chest you can call me on .... Thinking of you.