Palliative care

[vinouche]

Thank you for that, I guess another thing for me to learn is that as I lose more of my independence, I will have to rely on these good friends to help me. It is so much to absorb and rethink all the time. Sylvie

[Jules2]

Hey Vinouche You are doing a great job by writing down questions and we all have those absent minded moments so dont feel embarrassed by that. You are having to deal with a lot ... once again, take baby steps and just do what you are ready to do. I decided that i would be mindful of things that i need to be mindful of but i would cross bridges when i needed to. I just try and break things down so that i can cope and deal with things. Julie

[#3]

Hi Sylvie, My heart and thoughts are with you. I agree that it is hard to talk - I am a cancer survivor and my dad has a terminal diagnosis. I find typing my best therapy. The only person I can actually talk to is my husband, anyone else I get really teary with. My eldest daughter is a Psychologist who works with children and she frequently does art therapy with them. Apparently it not only helps the kids but it also helps her when she is struggling. I saw on someone elses blog about an art therapy group for kids but I would suggest it to adults too. I can't draw or paint to save myself (my horse looks like a scarecrow!) but I don't think it matters. When you go to the doctors, take a photocopy of your questions or maybe even get your list of questions to the doctor before your appointment, then he/she will have a better understanding of where you are at and how they can help. Try to list what you feel are the most important questions at the top of the list and take someone with you (if you are comfortable) - two sets of ears will take in more than one. Don't forget to spoil yourself, indulge when you can and be loved as much as you absorb. Katie 🙂

[vinouche]

Thank you Katie, I had forgotten that I always wanted to learn calligraphy, and you have reminded me of it, so I will see if I can find a course near me. I am taking someone with me for the simple reason that I know I will forget what the doc says, and also for support. Thank you all for the support, I feel better knowing you are around. I have almost tidied all my affairs, and can now concentrate on improving my health for as long as I can, anf enjoy my family. Sylvie

[#5]

I think that everyone should have a "to do" list. I have just added "learn to ride a surf board (at the beach)"...I had to add "at the beach" otherwise I might cheat! Calligraphy sounds fantastic. Had you thought of writing your "Good Life Story"? I have asked both mum and dad to write down all the good things that have happened in their life...like how they met, the day of their wedding, their school life, their best adventures, the funny things that their parents taught them, in fact anything good about their lives. Not only would I like it but future generations will love it too. I am also getting snippets of the excitement as they were growing up, all different for everyone. My husband and I are also about to start a journal of the great things. Anyway it is just a thought and a good trip down memory lane...If you are up to it, why not tell eveyone about your best memories? I wish you well and if I can help with anything, please let me know. Katie :) p.s. I think I might need a spell check section on this website! I get carried away with the typing and often don't see the errors! Oh well...does it really matter?

[vinouche]

Yes I have 2 books under way, one about my life in 3 different countries (I am French) and the other is amusing annecdotes about how to handle my two adhd boys ( now grown up). I thought it would be good to hae a feel good story forum here, with funny or nice stories not necessarily to do with cancer for when we feel a bit down, it is always good to have a laugh.

[#7]

What a great idea! Where have you travelled? Furthest I have been is to NZ! I would love to hear your stories if you have the time. Feel free to share some of your adventures and annecdotes with us whenever you want. I agree, we all need to laugh. Have a great night! Katie 🙂

[vinouche]

I was born in France, migrated to Oz aged 14, lived in Melbourne for 11 years, migrated to NZ and lived there for 25 years, came back to Melbourne 3 years ago.Love all 3 countries.

[chris_martin]

Hi Sylvie. Like you I find it very hard to talk about my 83 year old dads cancer but I did ring them about 6 weeks ago and they sent me out a package which included a relaxation tape -I really think that has helped me heaps. Before the tape I could only sleep for short periods but since playing their tape I seem to go to sleep fairly quickly and have a decent night (5hr) sleep. I know all the same scary thoughts are there through the day but I really urge you to ring Cancer Council helpline as they as well as this site are helping me so much. Take care Chris

[deejjay]

Hi Vinouche Firstly sounds like you're doing all the right things writing down your questions, writing stories and considering getting involved with caligraphy. Good luck with your next oncologist appointment. Also given what you've been told by your oncologist I think it is very important to let your friends that don't already know know what are going on and ask for their support. Perhaps prior to speaking to all of them, including both that know and don't know, work out what support you need, it could be practical ie driving you, provision of meals, shopping, cleaning, coming with you to chemo or when you see the oncologist or could be emotional ie spending time together doing enjoyable activities, them doing the extra leg to come to you, a convenient to you location etc so you can be clear about that as people often don't know what they can do. Also remember to make use of any health/govt services that can make your life easier as you need them, for example, meals on wheels, cleaning, drivers so you can call more on your friends for emotional support (although some people like to do practical things for their friends to show that they care) if their time is limited so the time they they spend with you can be doing something fun. Good luck and hugs from Deejjay