The Beast

[Olddoug]

This Beast is getting stronger every day.

I'm getting weaker and weaker. I'm tired. I'm very, very tired. I don't know what to say.

My coughing is driving me crazy. I'm exhausted. I can't be bothered. Everything's an effort? Sometimes I feel like just succumbing for some peace.

Is it worth it? Fighting on. Knowing that You can't win! Knowing that it will win. So, what's the point? What's the point of fighting on when you know you’re going to lose.

I don't know.

This beast is very strong.

Right now, I'm not sure how long I can keep fighting. I'm very tired. I feel useless. Absolutely useless. I can't do much. I cough. I run out of energy. I can't even do much housework. I can't do anything around the house. I can't do stuff outside. I can't walk much anymore.

This is shitty, This Beast has made my life, shitty. I don't know what to do. I guess I will just carry on because that's what we do. Anyway. Enough of my winging. I'll try and get to sleep, but it's not going to happen. Its just wishful thinking. Ps I am ok just expressing how I feel as it helps

[LindaG]

Hi Doug, it sounds pretty awful what you are going through and you’re been fighting it for a long time. Just sending you love and prayers 🙏♥️. Hope your medical team are offering you all the support you need ♥️ Linda 

[Richard1]

I know how you feel. That’s my every day. Everything I do now is for my family, my health and happiness are irrelevant.

No amount of words can help, just know that your not alone.

[Miranda_ccnsw]

Hi @Olddoug , that sounds incredibly exhausting and a lot to carry. I'm really please you have shared how you're feeling here - as you've said, it can really help to process what's going on when you put it into words. Even on the impossible days, you're here and that's what matters.

Miranda

CCNSW

[Miranda_ccnsw]

How are you doing today @Olddoug ?

[Olddoug]

Thanks for enquiring, I have had a very good day with my daughter walking in the bush at Girakool national park. I have a very good support team around me with my family and also the palliative care team.  I just like to express how I feel sometimes as its good to let it out. I adopt the Ostridge  head in the sand principal as that seems to be the best way to cope. I am a very lucky old man and am aware of this having a lovely wife two beautiful children and four grandchildren and I live in an area with lots of doctors that are easy to access. 

You guys do a great job and its appreciated. 

Regards

Doug